1 Ascribe to the LORD, O mighty ones,
ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
2 Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness.
3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.
4 The voice of the LORD is powerful;
the voice of the LORD is majestic.
5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
6 He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
Sirion like a young wild ox.
7 The voice of the LORD strikes
with flashes of lightning.
8 The voice of the LORD shakes the desert;
the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.
9 The voice of the LORD twists the oaks
and strips the forests bare.
And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"
10 The LORD sits enthroned over the flood;
the LORD is enthroned as King forever.
11 The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace.
(NIV)
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Making Sense of Pain
How do you make sense of this great catastrophe? It is so devastating. So much grief. My mind can barely register the rising death toll that seem endless. I think my mind is still in a state of shock at the extent of the damage. Just imagine, thousands have gone to an eternity without God overnight. Words seem to fail to express the loss and I can only pray 'Have mercy, O Lord'. We fear the worse is not over. With almost zero resources, survivors have little to help them stay alive. Even if they have enough clean water, can they make it through the feared diseases?
How can I help? How can I make a difference? My fear is that my only contribution is to watch the news and follow it because it's the in-thing, then walk away unmoved. Or if moved, do absolutely nothing about it. Slowly my heart will grow hard because it needs to de-sensitise to these constant bombardments by the media; there's a limit to how much one can take. I need to pray. That's the least I can do. Give towards the Disaster Fund. I'd like to go and offer help if I can do something to relief this pain in a small measure.
However despite the senseless pain, I was reminded at prayer meeting tonight that God is holy and worthy of worship. In the midst of all the sadness, I tell myself that this has been foretold by the Lord. I know one day all these will come to an end. He will return and bring an end to all these wickedness and destruction. My duty in the mean time is to share the gospel with as many as I can because I know the time is short. Much too short.
How can I help? How can I make a difference? My fear is that my only contribution is to watch the news and follow it because it's the in-thing, then walk away unmoved. Or if moved, do absolutely nothing about it. Slowly my heart will grow hard because it needs to de-sensitise to these constant bombardments by the media; there's a limit to how much one can take. I need to pray. That's the least I can do. Give towards the Disaster Fund. I'd like to go and offer help if I can do something to relief this pain in a small measure.
However despite the senseless pain, I was reminded at prayer meeting tonight that God is holy and worthy of worship. In the midst of all the sadness, I tell myself that this has been foretold by the Lord. I know one day all these will come to an end. He will return and bring an end to all these wickedness and destruction. My duty in the mean time is to share the gospel with as many as I can because I know the time is short. Much too short.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Mixed Feelings
It's Boxing Day. Finally opened up all my Christmas gifts. Thank God for friends and family members. 2004 has been a pretty good year with a high learning curve for a young pastor. Somehow I noticed that I am most happy when I have a high learning curve. It's a pretty consistent pattern. Am grateful for opportunities to touch lives and be a channel of grace for Him, albeit a pale shadow of the Real Thing. There is still lots of room for improvement and I look forward to another year to learn more about Him. Learning to respond to His redeeming work in my life; to better reflect Him, to appreciate the people that He allows to cross my path; to depend on Him and trust Him.
At the moment I'm watching the breaking news of the worst earthquake in the world to hit in the past 40 years. 8.9 on the Richter scale from Sumetra! Tsunamis arising from it have hit and caused havoc in the region all the way to India, Sri Lanka and the Maldives. Yet we, who are just a stone's throw away from the epicenter, are relatively spared, except for parts of Penang and Langkawi. This is another testimony of the grace of God upon this nation. With thousands dead and death toll still rising, it has cast a shadow on this year's Christmas, resulting in mixed feelings.
At the moment I'm watching the breaking news of the worst earthquake in the world to hit in the past 40 years. 8.9 on the Richter scale from Sumetra! Tsunamis arising from it have hit and caused havoc in the region all the way to India, Sri Lanka and the Maldives. Yet we, who are just a stone's throw away from the epicenter, are relatively spared, except for parts of Penang and Langkawi. This is another testimony of the grace of God upon this nation. With thousands dead and death toll still rising, it has cast a shadow on this year's Christmas, resulting in mixed feelings.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Penny for your thoughts - pen it!
One reason I started blogging was because I enjoy writing but am not ready to write anything worth publishing. I can't help to wonder if it's just me or are there people out there who feels the same. I love reading and books - simply love buying them and wish I have all the time in the world to read them! That's probably where I got the idea of writing and tell people that I'd like to try my hand as a food jounalist or write reviews on F&B outlets when I retire! When I shared this idea about writing with a friend, we both agreed we'd love to write but couldn't think of any subject for me to write about. I guess this is because while there are a lot of things that interest me, I can't pinpoint any particular field I consider myself to be an expert.
This Christmas I received a gift from a friend. He is an aspiring writer and has come together with a few friends who call themselves the The Write Company. They meet up regularly to encourage and share their lives with one another as they pursue their dream to be writers. They've recently produced a collection of excerpts of their writings to give the public a first taste of their work. Birds of the same feather flock together the saying goes... It is funny how people who share the same passion will find each other out and we tend to be drawn towards like-minded folks.
My blog entries are mostly submitted at the wee hours of the morning, including this one. I wish I had more time to do this but those seem to be the only times I can find to do so. That's not exactly the most conducive time for me to exercise my creative writing skills but as my friend always remind me, we hardly ever operate under ideal conditions. This will have to do for now. I am enjoying every bit of it including the part of picking up some basic html commands along the way.
This Christmas I received a gift from a friend. He is an aspiring writer and has come together with a few friends who call themselves the The Write Company. They meet up regularly to encourage and share their lives with one another as they pursue their dream to be writers. They've recently produced a collection of excerpts of their writings to give the public a first taste of their work. Birds of the same feather flock together the saying goes... It is funny how people who share the same passion will find each other out and we tend to be drawn towards like-minded folks.
My blog entries are mostly submitted at the wee hours of the morning, including this one. I wish I had more time to do this but those seem to be the only times I can find to do so. That's not exactly the most conducive time for me to exercise my creative writing skills but as my friend always remind me, we hardly ever operate under ideal conditions. This will have to do for now. I am enjoying every bit of it including the part of picking up some basic html commands along the way.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Fatal Attraction
What are some things that keep you awake at night? For me, that's a mystery. I've learned not to battle for sleep, or you may say, I've given up the fight. If it comes, great; if it doesn't, life goes on.
The title of this blog entry stems from something that is close to my heart. As a pastor and friend to many young adults (and a young adult myself), I know many struggle with this issue of attraction. No thanks to the media, we are made to believe that attraction equals to love. Thus if you feel attracted to someone, you should 'pursue' the person. Some of us may, on a good day, stop to evaluate the basis of the attraction, which could range from physical appeal to positive character traits. The truth is sometimes we can't even explain it because more often than not, attraction is a sensual matter, ie. it is something picked up by our senses, rather than a rational one. What usually happens for some is we get attracted first, then try to understand why certain people attract us, rather than going around with our radars to see who is 'worthy' of our attraction. Well, perhaps I'm just speaking for myself.
Attraction is a very important factor for any relationship to begin in the first place because we don't fall in love without attraction. Falling in love itself is a matter of the heart, rather than the head. However that is not a reason to exclude the head altogether as attraction should not be the sole basis for pursuing a relationship. This is especially true if the source of attraction is temporal, for example like how good a guy looks when he flips his long hair back in the wind.... most of the factors in this combination are transcient!
How many times have I been told that falling in love itself is not to be confused with love? If we love merely on the basis of attraction, which could be dependent on transcient factors, then it is not surprising that such love would be equally temporal. Thus I need to differentiate between attraction and love. It's sounds simple enough on paper but often, the heart rules in such matters and the head is ignored. I like to think (and suspect I'm not alone in this) that this sort of silly attraction only happens to young teenagers. However to my dismay, that's hardly the case. Attraction happens all the time, sometimes it hits us unexpectantly, other times it gradually grows on us, without us realising it.
I believe attraction is a good thing; a God-designed good thing. However He's also taught me to guard my heart, that is to watch what my heart gets attracted to. Yes, it is not always within my control but if the subject of attraction is not a godly relationship that I should pursue, then I have to exercise self-control on how the attraction develops. Being attracted to someone is not a sin but if I dwell on it or even just allow things to take its course, then I'm being reckless of how it can eventually lead to sin. He's laid down principles for the basis of pursuing a relationship and that's what I should use for evaluating the subject of my attraction. Attraction and matters of the heart are not always something easy to control, but that does not mean they have to lead to fatal results.
The title of this blog entry stems from something that is close to my heart. As a pastor and friend to many young adults (and a young adult myself), I know many struggle with this issue of attraction. No thanks to the media, we are made to believe that attraction equals to love. Thus if you feel attracted to someone, you should 'pursue' the person. Some of us may, on a good day, stop to evaluate the basis of the attraction, which could range from physical appeal to positive character traits. The truth is sometimes we can't even explain it because more often than not, attraction is a sensual matter, ie. it is something picked up by our senses, rather than a rational one. What usually happens for some is we get attracted first, then try to understand why certain people attract us, rather than going around with our radars to see who is 'worthy' of our attraction. Well, perhaps I'm just speaking for myself.
Attraction is a very important factor for any relationship to begin in the first place because we don't fall in love without attraction. Falling in love itself is a matter of the heart, rather than the head. However that is not a reason to exclude the head altogether as attraction should not be the sole basis for pursuing a relationship. This is especially true if the source of attraction is temporal, for example like how good a guy looks when he flips his long hair back in the wind.... most of the factors in this combination are transcient!
How many times have I been told that falling in love itself is not to be confused with love? If we love merely on the basis of attraction, which could be dependent on transcient factors, then it is not surprising that such love would be equally temporal. Thus I need to differentiate between attraction and love. It's sounds simple enough on paper but often, the heart rules in such matters and the head is ignored. I like to think (and suspect I'm not alone in this) that this sort of silly attraction only happens to young teenagers. However to my dismay, that's hardly the case. Attraction happens all the time, sometimes it hits us unexpectantly, other times it gradually grows on us, without us realising it.
I believe attraction is a good thing; a God-designed good thing. However He's also taught me to guard my heart, that is to watch what my heart gets attracted to. Yes, it is not always within my control but if the subject of attraction is not a godly relationship that I should pursue, then I have to exercise self-control on how the attraction develops. Being attracted to someone is not a sin but if I dwell on it or even just allow things to take its course, then I'm being reckless of how it can eventually lead to sin. He's laid down principles for the basis of pursuing a relationship and that's what I should use for evaluating the subject of my attraction. Attraction and matters of the heart are not always something easy to control, but that does not mean they have to lead to fatal results.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Getting to know me
This is the result from a Job Personality Profile Test that I took. Gives a little insight about the kind of person I am. I agree with some parts but not so sure about others. That's alright because these test results are never determinative but merely descriptive. It's not meant to be used as a label and definitely not as an excuse for a pattern of behaviour, especially if it is a misbehaviour!
It's fun. Have a go at it yourself. Would be thrilled if you care to share the results with me.
Job Personality Profile Test
Summary
Cheryl Wong, your responses indicate that you are very outgoing, warm and friendly in a non-aggressive manner. While you are remarkably good at influencing people to adopt your viewpoint, you also rely strongly upon your motivational ability to urge people into action. Although you prefer that other people delegate authority and detail work, you enjoy developing people if given the opportunity. Your high sense of urgency excites desire for a great deal of variety in your life. You show commitment to supporting organizational standards and structure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Communication Style
Cheryl Wong, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.
Also, Cheryl Wong, you express urgency when relating with people. You like fast paced exchanges and, at times, your tone may be impatient.
You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.
Cheryl Wong, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.
You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leadership Style : Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like to build team spirit and rely upon team decisions. You develop your subordinates, and you delegate both authority and details. You actively promote change and like to find new ways of reaching goals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Conscientiousness
Your personal style tends to be somewhat easy-going and relaxed. You do your best work on tasks that you enjoy, but you may be able to sustain an adequate degree of effort when it comes to essential tasks. You may or may not be concerned about extremely high levels of achievement. You like to maintain a balance between work and relaxation. You may apply positive motivation for consensus-building work activities, but maintaining focus on bottom-line results may be a challenge for you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Motivational Needs
Cheryl Wong, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.
You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.
Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.
Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emotional Intelligence
Cheryl Wong, your responses indicate that you tend to recognize your own emotions, moods, and drives as they occur. Furthermore, you are aware of the impact of your emotions on others. You display appropriate self-confidence and perform accurate self-appraisals of your talents and abilities.
It's fun. Have a go at it yourself. Would be thrilled if you care to share the results with me.
Job Personality Profile Test
Summary
Cheryl Wong, your responses indicate that you are very outgoing, warm and friendly in a non-aggressive manner. While you are remarkably good at influencing people to adopt your viewpoint, you also rely strongly upon your motivational ability to urge people into action. Although you prefer that other people delegate authority and detail work, you enjoy developing people if given the opportunity. Your high sense of urgency excites desire for a great deal of variety in your life. You show commitment to supporting organizational standards and structure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Communication Style
Cheryl Wong, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively.
Also, Cheryl Wong, you express urgency when relating with people. You like fast paced exchanges and, at times, your tone may be impatient.
You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view.
Cheryl Wong, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames.
You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leadership Style : Persuasive
You perform your leadership role by using your excellent ability to interpret people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You like to build team spirit and rely upon team decisions. You develop your subordinates, and you delegate both authority and details. You actively promote change and like to find new ways of reaching goals.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Conscientiousness
Your personal style tends to be somewhat easy-going and relaxed. You do your best work on tasks that you enjoy, but you may be able to sustain an adequate degree of effort when it comes to essential tasks. You may or may not be concerned about extremely high levels of achievement. You like to maintain a balance between work and relaxation. You may apply positive motivation for consensus-building work activities, but maintaining focus on bottom-line results may be a challenge for you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Motivational Needs
Cheryl Wong, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others.
You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers.
Primary Motivators
• A lot of interaction with people.
• Meeting new people and making friends.
• Opportunities to make more money and improve status.
• Being a team player within the organization.
• Praise and public recognition.
• Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.
• Awareness of what is going on in the organization.
• Acceptance and being liked by others.
Primary Demotivators
• You perceive you are not liked.
• You are not invited into meetings with your peers.
• Your territory, (opportunity) is reduced in size.
• You feel you are not part of the team.
• You do not have enough people contact.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emotional Intelligence
Cheryl Wong, your responses indicate that you tend to recognize your own emotions, moods, and drives as they occur. Furthermore, you are aware of the impact of your emotions on others. You display appropriate self-confidence and perform accurate self-appraisals of your talents and abilities.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
I'm-patient
Patience seems to be a virtue that always elude me. I like to be accurate, right, effective, etc (revealing the choleric side of me). But more than all those, I like to be fast! My greatest challenge in doing well in Maths when I was younger was simply due to the fact that I was too impatient to check through my work. It's not as funny as it sounds since I've lost many precious marks for making careless mistakes! I have learned through the years how costly my impatience could be.
It takes discipline to stop myself from getting caught up in the fast-moving pace of life around me, without me speeding things up even more. My impatient nature is also reflected in my impatience with myself. I hate making mistakes (streaks of perfectionism) and can be very hard on myself when I do or when I feel I am not learning as fast I would like to. I look around me and tend to compare myself with the experts and those who've been around for much longer than I - then subtly tell myself, if they can do it, I can do it too and better, NOW!?!
It's this drivenness that I need to watch out for because I know life and nature has its own course of time. It's unreasonable to stand in front of a child and get impatient with him because he isn't growing up fast enough - by my standard and for my pace! I am learning that I need to give people room and space to grow, recognising that God is at work (usually not at my desired pace). There are times when I think they can do better but that doesn't give me a right to tell them off when they're not living up to their potential, or worse still, my expectations. Impatience and sarcasm is a lethal combination, and under absolutely no condition am I ever justified to use sarcasm to tear my brother down. God is at work and if He is not complaining, who am I to think I know any better? People do not intentionally fall short of their full potential and I must not assume otherwise. Grace is giving them the benefit of the doubt that they tried the best they can for that occasion. One thing I know I should do but don't do often enough, is to acknowledge and appreciate others for their efforts. Instead I am ever so quick to point out how far they missed the mark, as if they don't already know! I've seen how encouragement can help my friends gain confidence and believe in their own potential, that they would be willing to try again even after a 'fall'. However I have to be careful not to use encouragement as a subtle form of manipulation or pressure to make others perform! It's a fine line sometimes but I think people can sense when we genuinely believe in them and their full potential, yet accept them as they are!
Grace is really love in action. I'm constantly looking out to see what grace would look like under different circumstances.
It takes discipline to stop myself from getting caught up in the fast-moving pace of life around me, without me speeding things up even more. My impatient nature is also reflected in my impatience with myself. I hate making mistakes (streaks of perfectionism) and can be very hard on myself when I do or when I feel I am not learning as fast I would like to. I look around me and tend to compare myself with the experts and those who've been around for much longer than I - then subtly tell myself, if they can do it, I can do it too and better, NOW!?!
It's this drivenness that I need to watch out for because I know life and nature has its own course of time. It's unreasonable to stand in front of a child and get impatient with him because he isn't growing up fast enough - by my standard and for my pace! I am learning that I need to give people room and space to grow, recognising that God is at work (usually not at my desired pace). There are times when I think they can do better but that doesn't give me a right to tell them off when they're not living up to their potential, or worse still, my expectations. Impatience and sarcasm is a lethal combination, and under absolutely no condition am I ever justified to use sarcasm to tear my brother down. God is at work and if He is not complaining, who am I to think I know any better? People do not intentionally fall short of their full potential and I must not assume otherwise. Grace is giving them the benefit of the doubt that they tried the best they can for that occasion. One thing I know I should do but don't do often enough, is to acknowledge and appreciate others for their efforts. Instead I am ever so quick to point out how far they missed the mark, as if they don't already know! I've seen how encouragement can help my friends gain confidence and believe in their own potential, that they would be willing to try again even after a 'fall'. However I have to be careful not to use encouragement as a subtle form of manipulation or pressure to make others perform! It's a fine line sometimes but I think people can sense when we genuinely believe in them and their full potential, yet accept them as they are!
Grace is really love in action. I'm constantly looking out to see what grace would look like under different circumstances.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
You'll Never Walk Alone
There are not many weekends that a Liverpool fan can boast of... especially in this season. Last Sunday was one of those! A 2-1 scoreline is more than what I had hoped for!
My friend, a Manchaster United fan, had more faith than I had, to believe Liverpool could slay the giants. Needless to say he had his own agenda, hoping the defeat would close the gap between Man United and the Gunners. The results shocked me and as you can well see, I've yet to recover from it. I am proud to say that ManU no longer can boast of being the only ones to defeat Arsenal! It's a hard blow for the Arsenal fans. Both these arch rivals are meeting at the Carling Cup on Thursday morning (KL time) and I can't wait to see the showdown!
By the way, did I mention I enjoy watching football, especially EPL? Support Liverpool and any team that plays against Manchaster United (it's pretty obvious!) Other loves include rugby (international matches) and F1. My favourite person on the rugby and football field usually is the referee! Somehow think they have a very tough job, especially when two strong teams are playing each other. In rugby you can actually hear very clearly the call of foul play and what the exact offence is. So cool! The referee is probably the lowest paid person on the field and most of them do it part-time, out of passion, but he is the fittest of them all, trailing the ball up and down the field to both ends of the goal posts! As for F1, I always look out for pit stops during the races. Think the team has a big part in determining the outcome of the race, and often don't get half the kind of pay and recognition given to the driver. :-(
I guess this just reflects how I feel about people in the background. They are the key to success although not often given the same recognition nor duly remunerated. For every star personality, there is a star team that stands behind their success because you'll never walk alone.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
People should be more -----?
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson.
I once heard a radio deejay ask this... How would you fill in the blanks to this statement "People should be more ____?" My almost instant answer to that was "Expressive"! I'm a firm believer that Love must be expressed. As much as possible, I try to let those I love know how much they mean to me and how much I love and appreciate them. I constantly remind myself that I don't know what tomorrow holds so I cannot afford to take anything or anyone for granted.
At the same time, I tell people not to wait till I die to say nice things about me; there's no point in giving me a fancy eulogy! I much rather hear it whem I'm alive. Yet I must admit that more often than not I find myself not short of negative comments (under the guise of 'constructive remarks') and don't take enough time to affirm those around me. Sigh... I still have lots of learning to do.
A friend commented that the way one filled in the blanks would probably reveal a little of the kind of person they are. So how would you fill in the blanks?
~Alfred Lord Tennyson.
I once heard a radio deejay ask this... How would you fill in the blanks to this statement "People should be more ____?" My almost instant answer to that was "Expressive"! I'm a firm believer that Love must be expressed. As much as possible, I try to let those I love know how much they mean to me and how much I love and appreciate them. I constantly remind myself that I don't know what tomorrow holds so I cannot afford to take anything or anyone for granted.
At the same time, I tell people not to wait till I die to say nice things about me; there's no point in giving me a fancy eulogy! I much rather hear it whem I'm alive. Yet I must admit that more often than not I find myself not short of negative comments (under the guise of 'constructive remarks') and don't take enough time to affirm those around me. Sigh... I still have lots of learning to do.
A friend commented that the way one filled in the blanks would probably reveal a little of the kind of person they are. So how would you fill in the blanks?
Gift of Life
I am conscious that some who are reading this blog may be discovering a darker and more melancholic side of me. Yes, even the choice of song (for now at least) reflects that ... 'All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray'! For someone who is normally seen as bubbly, totally sanguine in nature and full of life, this may come as a real surprise to some. This is me; the more private and reflective me. Just one who has had a taste of brokenness and learning to come to terms with my own humanity - to some degrees anyways. I am keenly aware and am grateful to acknowledge that I'm constantly at the receiving end of grace, both from Him and others around me. I have had my share of mountain-top and valley experiences in my own journey. I don't know where I will be today if not for Him, who saw me through the dark nights of depression and even being suicidal at some points. Perhaps that's why nowadays I've learnt (and am still learning) to see things differently... that every day is a gift of life to be truly cherished and lived to the full.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Can He be trusted?
Have you ever wanted something so bad and yet when you get it, you fear the worst is yet to come, to the point that you become ambivalent about that subject all together? For example you're hoping to get a dream job and the moment you get it, your mind goes wild about how things can possibly go wrong - like you having to work with the worst set of colleagues possible; being late on your first day; mucking up on your first major project and failing to live up to your employer's expectations? I think it's weird how my mind can play tricks on me and work up my greatest fears, real or otherwise, when I think I've finally got what I've been dreaming for all my life. I guess that's just normal anxiety working up... or is it a sign that I don't trust God to give me what I really want with no strings attached?! To be honest, I don't know. I don't believe God is out there with an agenda to sabotage my life but I guess I'm not totally confident that I deserve such a good deal... therefore certainly something must be wrong with it.
I'm not naive to think that life should or will be smooth sailing, but am I sufficiently confident that God is and will be for me? If so, then I know that I really have nothing to fear. Whatever that lies ahead of me, I will be able to overcome it with God by my side. I'm not expecting life to be a bed of roses but do I trust Him to take me through all that lies ahead, the good, the bad and the ugly? It's hard when you're stepping out to the unknown. I am reminded that my source of hope and confidence lies in God's word and His faithfulness. He's proven Himself to be so faithful throughout history, in my own life (short as it may be in comparison) and in the lives of those around me. He's never failed those who love Him. I am counting on that.
I'm not naive to think that life should or will be smooth sailing, but am I sufficiently confident that God is and will be for me? If so, then I know that I really have nothing to fear. Whatever that lies ahead of me, I will be able to overcome it with God by my side. I'm not expecting life to be a bed of roses but do I trust Him to take me through all that lies ahead, the good, the bad and the ugly? It's hard when you're stepping out to the unknown. I am reminded that my source of hope and confidence lies in God's word and His faithfulness. He's proven Himself to be so faithful throughout history, in my own life (short as it may be in comparison) and in the lives of those around me. He's never failed those who love Him. I am counting on that.
Friday, November 19, 2004
Honestly speaking
I've recently let my friends in on this blog. It's a little scary because I initially did not write for that purpose. Will letting it go public affect the way I blog? I hope not. I honestly doubt it will not have any effect or that it will make no difference. I think it's only human to be affected by what people think of us, especially if they are people whom we consider important. People have as much power and influence over me as I 'allow' them; their views matter to me only as much as they matter to me! Yet I remind myself that ultimately I must live before the audience of the One. His views should outweigh any other person's views in my life - I am still learning.
Blogging can be so addictive. I've always wanted to write although I had no idea where to start. What better way to start than to write on a very familiar topic - myself! I've always admired those in creative fields like musicians, actors, artists, poets, designers, sculptors, etc. Human beings are so amazing to come up with a myriad of ways to express their creativity, reflecting our loving Creator. Among all the different modes, I find that words have been the most effective vehicle for me to express myself. I'm not the finest of writers and am far from proficient. I only hope to record my observations and reflections for this season of my life. I will pen personal experiences (if I think they are worth mentioning); my thoughts and reflections. There will not be many discussions of current events unless I think I have any original idea to contribute. As much as possible, I'll stay away from mentioning people by name, and if I really have to, it will not be without their prior permission. Quotes and ideas drawn from other authors will be given due credit, where possible.
The whole exercise of putting pen to paper (today keybard and screen) has been most therapeutic. If fellow pilgrims can find any encouragement from these jottings, that'll be great. Whatever it is, I will continue to write, honestly and authentically, from the depth of my heart.
Blogging can be so addictive. I've always wanted to write although I had no idea where to start. What better way to start than to write on a very familiar topic - myself! I've always admired those in creative fields like musicians, actors, artists, poets, designers, sculptors, etc. Human beings are so amazing to come up with a myriad of ways to express their creativity, reflecting our loving Creator. Among all the different modes, I find that words have been the most effective vehicle for me to express myself. I'm not the finest of writers and am far from proficient. I only hope to record my observations and reflections for this season of my life. I will pen personal experiences (if I think they are worth mentioning); my thoughts and reflections. There will not be many discussions of current events unless I think I have any original idea to contribute. As much as possible, I'll stay away from mentioning people by name, and if I really have to, it will not be without their prior permission. Quotes and ideas drawn from other authors will be given due credit, where possible.
The whole exercise of putting pen to paper (today keybard and screen) has been most therapeutic. If fellow pilgrims can find any encouragement from these jottings, that'll be great. Whatever it is, I will continue to write, honestly and authentically, from the depth of my heart.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Beauty or Beast
Being a visually-oriented person, I have a keen eye for things of beauty. Ranging from artistic expressions to beautiful landscapes, I am naturally looking out for objects which are aesthetically appealing. I noticed this especially when I attended a symphony orchestra. While I enjoy listening to classical music, the impact from the experience of watching a group of musician play in unison to create music is beyond what any CD can ever reproduce!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Is beauty limited to visual attractiveness? That's what the world and media would like us to believe. Why? Because this makes great commercial opportunity for those seeking to capitalise on our fear of not being attractive, which is equated to being unlovable.
I have had a hard time convincing my friends that they are beautiful, especially ladies (the guys are trying hard to convince me they are!) I have no intention of lying or flattering them. If only they can see what an amazing creation they are. It is obvious that God has great sense of taste and I tend to agree with His taste. That's all. It may take a deeper observation, but I believe there's beauty in each of us, if we'd only look hard enough and focus beyond external appearances. This is true beauty. Beauty which will not fade but only grow with time.
I've always struggled with my looks and never liked what I saw in the mirror when I was growing up. It did not help that this was confirmed by the feedback I received from the people around me. I wasn't keen to hang out around beautiful-looking people, by which I mean those who are tall, slim, with smooth complexion, fair skin and pretty face. It is not possible to get the whole world to like you but life is almost unbearable if you don't like yourself. I thank God for His healing and through the years, have learned to accept who God made me to be. I can now look at so-called "beautiful" people without thinking that I'm a lesser being. More than that, I've learned to appreciate true beauty. By that I refer to a loving and compassionate heart, godly character, humble and gracious spirit, a person filled with joy, hope and peace.
Perhaps some may feel that this is merely an attempt to console myself...
Still I'm always looking out for beauty ... and I invariably find what I look out for.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Is beauty limited to visual attractiveness? That's what the world and media would like us to believe. Why? Because this makes great commercial opportunity for those seeking to capitalise on our fear of not being attractive, which is equated to being unlovable.
I have had a hard time convincing my friends that they are beautiful, especially ladies (the guys are trying hard to convince me they are!) I have no intention of lying or flattering them. If only they can see what an amazing creation they are. It is obvious that God has great sense of taste and I tend to agree with His taste. That's all. It may take a deeper observation, but I believe there's beauty in each of us, if we'd only look hard enough and focus beyond external appearances. This is true beauty. Beauty which will not fade but only grow with time.
I've always struggled with my looks and never liked what I saw in the mirror when I was growing up. It did not help that this was confirmed by the feedback I received from the people around me. I wasn't keen to hang out around beautiful-looking people, by which I mean those who are tall, slim, with smooth complexion, fair skin and pretty face. It is not possible to get the whole world to like you but life is almost unbearable if you don't like yourself. I thank God for His healing and through the years, have learned to accept who God made me to be. I can now look at so-called "beautiful" people without thinking that I'm a lesser being. More than that, I've learned to appreciate true beauty. By that I refer to a loving and compassionate heart, godly character, humble and gracious spirit, a person filled with joy, hope and peace.
Perhaps some may feel that this is merely an attempt to console myself...
Still I'm always looking out for beauty ... and I invariably find what I look out for.
Source of joy or source of pain?
In life, there are often more than one way to look at a situation. Sometimes they are both sides of the same coin. At other times, we never know how a turn of event can change our view of things. I need to maintain a positive outlook; it will determine whether I see a full glass or an empty glass.
Getting a good spa treatment...source of joy;
Paying a huge bill for it...source of pain.
Having a friend who is patient... source of joy;
He is too laid back and never seem to be on time... source of pain.
A new relationship... source of joy;
Loss of freedom as a single... source of pain.
Having not enough money...source of pain;
Passing up on a bad bargain at a sale...source of joy.
Visit to the dentist...source of pain;
Removal of a toothache...source of joy!
Broke a heel and fell down...source of pain;
Saved by a handsome prince charming...source of joy!!
Getting a good spa treatment...source of joy;
Paying a huge bill for it...source of pain.
Having a friend who is patient... source of joy;
He is too laid back and never seem to be on time... source of pain.
A new relationship... source of joy;
Loss of freedom as a single... source of pain.
Having not enough money...source of pain;
Passing up on a bad bargain at a sale...source of joy.
Visit to the dentist...source of pain;
Removal of a toothache...source of joy!
Broke a heel and fell down...source of pain;
Saved by a handsome prince charming...source of joy!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Abandoned Mission
Has it ever occurred to you why Jonah abandoned his mission and ran to Tarshish? If I were to look back in my life, there were many times I've felt like running away from God's assignment or even just walking away from everything... The reasons for doing so have been numerous and varied. Anything from sheeer unwillingness, the sacrifice involved being too great (whether in terms of time, convenience or money) to a lack of confidence (only too often) in my own ability to carry out the task, which I admit merely reflects my lack of faith in God to bring me through.
If I recall correctly however, I don't think it was ever because I was doubtless of God's mercy and grace to spare a group of evil people in the event they were to repent when I'm done preaching to them! An entire nation of 120,000 people turned around in repentance when they heard Jonah's, probably half-hearted, preaching!!
Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it - when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness! "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!"
(Jonah 4:1-3, MSG)
How did Jonah acquire such a deep sense of God's mercy and grace? He was certain of it enough to run away from the assignment and risked incurring God's wrath. Do I share about God's love and compassion with that sort of conviction? Am I as certain of God's mercy when I lay my hands to pray for someone to be healed, especially if I think the person does not deserve God's healing?! Am I half-hearted in my prayers because of my warped idea of God's grace, as if it is something to be earned by my good conduct?
Father, open the eyes of my heart to truly know Your rich love, abundant grace & mercy and Your great compassion. May it be so ingrained in my system that I can't help but let it seep out in every area of my life! Amen.
If I recall correctly however, I don't think it was ever because I was doubtless of God's mercy and grace to spare a group of evil people in the event they were to repent when I'm done preaching to them! An entire nation of 120,000 people turned around in repentance when they heard Jonah's, probably half-hearted, preaching!!
Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it - when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness! "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!"
(Jonah 4:1-3, MSG)
How did Jonah acquire such a deep sense of God's mercy and grace? He was certain of it enough to run away from the assignment and risked incurring God's wrath. Do I share about God's love and compassion with that sort of conviction? Am I as certain of God's mercy when I lay my hands to pray for someone to be healed, especially if I think the person does not deserve God's healing?! Am I half-hearted in my prayers because of my warped idea of God's grace, as if it is something to be earned by my good conduct?
Father, open the eyes of my heart to truly know Your rich love, abundant grace & mercy and Your great compassion. May it be so ingrained in my system that I can't help but let it seep out in every area of my life! Amen.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Cool Cars
I learned another trick... to put more than 1 photo on a single blog!! Love this.
BMW X5
Volvo XC90
Porsche Cayenne
BMW X5
Volvo XC90
Porsche Cayenne
Seek and you shall find
I love cars. Beautiful cars. Cars which I consider beautiful anyways. Have you ever noticed how certain model of cars seem to 'appear' everywhere just because you've taken a fancy for them? I have. My current top 10 list includes the BMW X5 and Volvo XC90 - they seem to cross my path almost daily and these are not exactly the common models for those brands of car. I am learning that our mind is very powerful indeed. It will spot things that are familiar to us and especially things we are looking out for, albeit unconsciously. I noticed this in church when I seem to keep 'bumping' into people once I've been introduced to them, while I never knew they existed before even though we've been attending the same church for years! That's why I believe we ALWAYS find what we 'look out' for.
That got me thinking. Is that why I tend to find certain traits in people, when others may not even notice, be it positive or negative? Is it then any surprise that I should find what I'm looking for?! Traits that I find irritating have an amazing way of standing out, like a tour guide waving a red flag - can spot it from a distance! More often than not, the negative traits are much more obvious than the positive ones. It is a very sad state. It is even sadder because I know this critical and judgmental attitude really stems from pride and in God's opinion, pride stinks.
The best gift I can offer to another fellow human being (even more so for a fellow Christian) is Grace. These are some ways I can think of to extend Grace:
- look out for positive traits in each person.
- give them the benefit of the doubt when they seem to portray a negative trait.
- do not jump to conclusion that it is a character flaw unless they consistently prove themselves to be so, over and over again, until it is beyond a shadow of doubt. Unless and until then, their innocence shall be assumed!
- Even if they have met the standard of proof, constantly remind myself, that all things are possible with God.
So help me God! I need Your grace more than ever before.
That got me thinking. Is that why I tend to find certain traits in people, when others may not even notice, be it positive or negative? Is it then any surprise that I should find what I'm looking for?! Traits that I find irritating have an amazing way of standing out, like a tour guide waving a red flag - can spot it from a distance! More often than not, the negative traits are much more obvious than the positive ones. It is a very sad state. It is even sadder because I know this critical and judgmental attitude really stems from pride and in God's opinion, pride stinks.
The best gift I can offer to another fellow human being (even more so for a fellow Christian) is Grace. These are some ways I can think of to extend Grace:
- look out for positive traits in each person.
- give them the benefit of the doubt when they seem to portray a negative trait.
- do not jump to conclusion that it is a character flaw unless they consistently prove themselves to be so, over and over again, until it is beyond a shadow of doubt. Unless and until then, their innocence shall be assumed!
- Even if they have met the standard of proof, constantly remind myself, that all things are possible with God.
So help me God! I need Your grace more than ever before.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Mind of the Heart
Have you ever noticed how your mind and your heart don't always jive in harmony? Logically I know what I should do and how I should behave but I don't always succeed. That's because my heart does its own thinking apart from the mind, as if the heart has a mind of its own! Our entire life's emotional experience is stored in the memory of our heart. That's probably why some people who've been injured emotionally have certain behavioural patterns that they might not even be conscious of or if they consciously try to change, find it hard to or probably revert to it, when they're not paying attention.
Most of the time, I operate from my conscious and logical level (a real surprise for those who think that a rational woman is an oxymoron!) but I've also made decisions at the gut level or intuitively. I can't explain it or at least, can't prove scientifically at the point of deciding how I 'know' one decision would be a better one than another. Yet I have learned to trust and follow my instincts, which is right, more often than not.
I am inclined to think that it's just as, if not more, crucial to train our hearts (than our mind) to think correctly. I'm a cognitive person by nature and prefer to figure things out mentally before I am able to accept and embrace a new idea. But I believe I should work to train my heart to think according to God's principles and truth, as much as I work on my mind to correct my thinking if not more.
The essence of our being is really our heart rather than our mind. Our values, attitudes, even faith and fear are all issues related to our heart. I believe God works in our physical, emotional and mental being, in order that we have a change of heart - which is the thing that really counts in His eyes!
I am obliged to my teachers for their ideas which are have contributed to these thoughts. They are Ps A. R. Bernard in his message entitled Memory of the Heart and Dallas Willard in his excellent book, Renovations of the Heart.
Most of the time, I operate from my conscious and logical level (a real surprise for those who think that a rational woman is an oxymoron!) but I've also made decisions at the gut level or intuitively. I can't explain it or at least, can't prove scientifically at the point of deciding how I 'know' one decision would be a better one than another. Yet I have learned to trust and follow my instincts, which is right, more often than not.
I am inclined to think that it's just as, if not more, crucial to train our hearts (than our mind) to think correctly. I'm a cognitive person by nature and prefer to figure things out mentally before I am able to accept and embrace a new idea. But I believe I should work to train my heart to think according to God's principles and truth, as much as I work on my mind to correct my thinking if not more.
The essence of our being is really our heart rather than our mind. Our values, attitudes, even faith and fear are all issues related to our heart. I believe God works in our physical, emotional and mental being, in order that we have a change of heart - which is the thing that really counts in His eyes!
I am obliged to my teachers for their ideas which are have contributed to these thoughts. They are Ps A. R. Bernard in his message entitled Memory of the Heart and Dallas Willard in his excellent book, Renovations of the Heart.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Christmas Mood?
Winter reminds me of Christmas
I love Christmas. This is definitely my favourite season of the year. It's been raining and the weather has been nice and even cold in the evenings. Really puts me in the Christmas mood. I know it's a silly romantic sentiment and have no connection whatsoever with the real meaning of Christmas. But what the heck, enjoy it nevertheless.
Anyways I am thrilled to have learned a new 'trick' and put up this this pretty photo on my blog all by myself! Decided to keep this blog short and light- hearted. Will take a break from my philosophical reflections!
It's a nice date today - 11/11/2004!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Love that won't let go
Sometimes life seems overwhelming. What do I do at those times? Well, I cry a little. Then I pray and I pray... and I wonder if God is listening! At times, there's not a lot more that I can do except to wait. Wait for the next thing to happen, for the situation to settle, for things to change or even worse, for people to change! I want to know if God is in still in control of the situation; if He's doing anything about it; if He is going to come through for me.
However more often than not, I end up taking control of the situation and doing what I can to bring forth the results I desire, hardly giving any thought of what His desired results are in those situations.
Yet He bears with me; with my impatience and lack of faith. He understands that I am but a weak vessel and shows me His grace nevertheless. He still comes through and does not hold it against me for taking things into my own hands. O you of little faith! I can almost hear Him say. The thing that amazes me most is the fact that He still manages to work out His will in my life and nothing can make Him give up His work on me! I don't deserve such mercy and grace. Don't ever let go, Lord!
Father, help me to extend the same grace to others who are faltering and fumbling along their journey at times when life seems overwhelming. How easy it is for me to feel that they can do better and demand that they should! Open my eyes to see that in the same way Your love will never let them go ... but will be faithful to complete the work You've begun in each of our lives!
However more often than not, I end up taking control of the situation and doing what I can to bring forth the results I desire, hardly giving any thought of what His desired results are in those situations.
Yet He bears with me; with my impatience and lack of faith. He understands that I am but a weak vessel and shows me His grace nevertheless. He still comes through and does not hold it against me for taking things into my own hands. O you of little faith! I can almost hear Him say. The thing that amazes me most is the fact that He still manages to work out His will in my life and nothing can make Him give up His work on me! I don't deserve such mercy and grace. Don't ever let go, Lord!
Father, help me to extend the same grace to others who are faltering and fumbling along their journey at times when life seems overwhelming. How easy it is for me to feel that they can do better and demand that they should! Open my eyes to see that in the same way Your love will never let them go ... but will be faithful to complete the work You've begun in each of our lives!
Friday, October 29, 2004
Thinking is hard work
A time to be silent and a time to speak (Ecc 3:7b)
This is probably the season for speaking, after a period of silence.
Today I learned that I enjoy intellectually stimulating conversations, discoursing about life and debating on issues concerning the Christian faith. I find them very helpful to keep my mind alert and sharp, as I challenge my assumptions, belief systems and world views. Of course there are times when I need to share what I am going through and my feelings. I have certain friends that I can look to in those moments. However it's not easy to find like-minded folks who are not intimidated when I initiate theological discussions and are willing to take up the challenge! Thinking is hard work and nobody likes to disturb the status quo. Thus such rare gems are always cherished. Thank God for thinking Christians.
This is probably the season for speaking, after a period of silence.
Today I learned that I enjoy intellectually stimulating conversations, discoursing about life and debating on issues concerning the Christian faith. I find them very helpful to keep my mind alert and sharp, as I challenge my assumptions, belief systems and world views. Of course there are times when I need to share what I am going through and my feelings. I have certain friends that I can look to in those moments. However it's not easy to find like-minded folks who are not intimidated when I initiate theological discussions and are willing to take up the challenge! Thinking is hard work and nobody likes to disturb the status quo. Thus such rare gems are always cherished. Thank God for thinking Christians.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Excellence: An Attitude
I have a knack of spotting mistakes, grammatical, typo, spelling, paragraph formatting ... even an extra spacing! I used to think it's because I am paranoid about such mistakes and am a total perfectionist. I can't deny that my professional training has sensitised me to such mistakes and given me an intolerance for them. However I think it's a matter of wanting to produce work that is excellent! I guess that's one my personal values. I believe we should strive to do our best and not settle for anything less than excellence. I'm not perfect and I'll be the first to admit that, which is why I take pains to look up dictionaries to double check on spelling and grammar usage when I have to draft or proofread something.
As Christians, we are called to do everything as unto the Lord. Therefore I should give God my best in every piece of work I produce. I told a friend today that it saddens me to see that the world demands for excellence but Christians should expect God to settle for anything less. Bottomline, it is not the number of mistakes made but the attitude that counts.
On a more pragmatic note, I think if each of us seek to reduce and minimise the number of mistakes made, we would not have not to waste time and money undoing these mistakes. When a friend tried to assure me, 'It's okay, we can always redo it if it's wrong' to which my immediate response was, 'Why not get it right the first time??'
As Christians, we are called to do everything as unto the Lord. Therefore I should give God my best in every piece of work I produce. I told a friend today that it saddens me to see that the world demands for excellence but Christians should expect God to settle for anything less. Bottomline, it is not the number of mistakes made but the attitude that counts.
On a more pragmatic note, I think if each of us seek to reduce and minimise the number of mistakes made, we would not have not to waste time and money undoing these mistakes. When a friend tried to assure me, 'It's okay, we can always redo it if it's wrong' to which my immediate response was, 'Why not get it right the first time??'
Fear and Faith
Only after penning the blog yesterday did I realise that I've actually mentioned the need to feel safe before I share, in my previous blog. Is it really so important? Well, the emphasis has given me a new revelation of myself. I have been thinking that while I blog my thoughts here, I don't really blog my feelings. Is it because I don't feel safe to share my feelings (although only a handful know of this site) or is it due to the fact that I'm really not very in touch with my feelings? Guess I'm not keen to over-indulge on my feelings. Most of the time, I find it easier to discuss matters in abstract concepts then concrete terms, preferring to leave out details like name, place, time and occassion. I find them too mundane and reckon no one, not even myself, would be interested to read them. Or am I trying to avoid getting too personal? These are questions to be pondered... I don't have any answers.
Things have been pretty busy - went on a fantastic holiday. Spent 2 whole weeks in New Zealand visiting my brother and sister-in-law. Just a time of catching up with them; also with my sleep and reading. It was a very refreshing and enriching trip. Have been going through a lot recently. Thinking through some issues. Rocking the boat as I consider the possibility of making a major move in my life. It's s-c-a-r-y because this is a step that requires FAITH! Probably even suicidal in the eyes of some. Some events have prompted this but I believe this stirring is nothing less than divine. On the outside, it does not appear that there's any real need for taking such drastic measures. I asked myself if I am doing this deliberately to add some drama in my possibly mundane life but I think not. Life is sufficiently tough as it is. No way am I gonna take this step just for the sake of the special effects that acoompanies it - this is no bungee jump for fun! Yes, I know we live in the days of extreme sports and seeking after radical thrills but I don't think that was what Peter had in mind when he stepped out of the boat.
It's funny how issues are stirred when we rock the boat or when our boat is rocked. Things which we've lived with, swept under the carpet and tried to ignore somehow has a way of resurfacing when our world is being shaken. This is a time of shaking for me as well as facing these buried issues. He will not allow them to be buried no more. Testing my motives and intentions, checking my attitude, stretching my faith... I've never felt more alive! Although that does not neccesarily means it's easy or reduces the fear.
Can faith and fear coexist?
Things have been pretty busy - went on a fantastic holiday. Spent 2 whole weeks in New Zealand visiting my brother and sister-in-law. Just a time of catching up with them; also with my sleep and reading. It was a very refreshing and enriching trip. Have been going through a lot recently. Thinking through some issues. Rocking the boat as I consider the possibility of making a major move in my life. It's s-c-a-r-y because this is a step that requires FAITH! Probably even suicidal in the eyes of some. Some events have prompted this but I believe this stirring is nothing less than divine. On the outside, it does not appear that there's any real need for taking such drastic measures. I asked myself if I am doing this deliberately to add some drama in my possibly mundane life but I think not. Life is sufficiently tough as it is. No way am I gonna take this step just for the sake of the special effects that acoompanies it - this is no bungee jump for fun! Yes, I know we live in the days of extreme sports and seeking after radical thrills but I don't think that was what Peter had in mind when he stepped out of the boat.
It's funny how issues are stirred when we rock the boat or when our boat is rocked. Things which we've lived with, swept under the carpet and tried to ignore somehow has a way of resurfacing when our world is being shaken. This is a time of shaking for me as well as facing these buried issues. He will not allow them to be buried no more. Testing my motives and intentions, checking my attitude, stretching my faith... I've never felt more alive! Although that does not neccesarily means it's easy or reduces the fear.
Can faith and fear coexist?
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Sounding Board
I am grateful to God for friends who've journeyed with me and were there for me when I needed a 'sounding board'. This is a word I coined for people who allow me share my thoughts without fear of being judged and allow me to think aloud. For me, it's important to feel safe ... safe to share. Often I don't need advice and I believe that each of us indeed have the answers within us. We empower others when we listen without analysing, judging or being quick to dish out solutions!! Truly appreciate caring hearts in the form of listening ears. I find that articulating my thoughts makes things so much more concrete and moves me away from spinning cobwebs in my mind.
My prayer is that I may have the privilege of being a 'sounding board' for anyone who needs someone they can think aloud with while they are working certain things out.
My prayer is that I may have the privilege of being a 'sounding board' for anyone who needs someone they can think aloud with while they are working certain things out.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Do good anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered...
"In the Final Analysis"
by Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered...
forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives...
be kind anyway
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies...
succeed anyway
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you...
be honest and frank anyway
What you may spend years building, someone may destroy overnight...
build anyway
If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous...
be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow...
do good anyway
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough...
give the world the best you have anyway
You see, in the final analysis, it's all between you and God...
it was never between you and them anyway
Life is tough
Life is difficult. (M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Travelled)
I guess if I knew this from the start, I might not have been caught by surprise. The truth is I wasn't warned of this. My protected childhood and upbringing didn't help paint a realistic picture of life. Life is tough. It is unfair. You don't always get what you want, the way you want it. Giving love does not promise that the love will be returned. Your good deeds are not always reciprocated. There are contradicting proverbs for every situation and I guess that this world is far from the perfect world the fairy tales tried to made me believe it to be. Then why do we still propogate such tales? Only to raise people's hopes and set them up for disappointment. Life is trying and many times I feel cheated. I am not alone. The realisation of this truth dawned upon me eventually. Better late than never, I suppose.
I know this probably sounds pathetic and sad. However the sooner I wake up to this reality and face life at its terms, the better. The earlier the bubble bursts, the less it hits me when things don't work out as I expect. I have lots of expectations. My life is full of shoulds and oughts. They are the yardstick by which I measure life... measure how others behave and how I match up to those expectations. If I were to list them down, I'd be tired just looking at them. I'm slowly learning to let go of them. Take life as it comes. Tackle it at its terms. When love is unrequited, I tell myself, 'It's ok, that's life. Move on.' There are many challenges I need to face and overcome in my life. Life offer no rewards to quitters. Since it's not so much about who's side He is on, it's for me to ensure I am on His side. With Him, there's nothing I need to fear.
I learned that while things can be tough going at times, there are many times I am on the receiving end of Grace. I don't always get what I deserve and that includes the negative. God often spares me from much pain, which I deserve and gives me unearned blessings.
I guess if I knew this from the start, I might not have been caught by surprise. The truth is I wasn't warned of this. My protected childhood and upbringing didn't help paint a realistic picture of life. Life is tough. It is unfair. You don't always get what you want, the way you want it. Giving love does not promise that the love will be returned. Your good deeds are not always reciprocated. There are contradicting proverbs for every situation and I guess that this world is far from the perfect world the fairy tales tried to made me believe it to be. Then why do we still propogate such tales? Only to raise people's hopes and set them up for disappointment. Life is trying and many times I feel cheated. I am not alone. The realisation of this truth dawned upon me eventually. Better late than never, I suppose.
I know this probably sounds pathetic and sad. However the sooner I wake up to this reality and face life at its terms, the better. The earlier the bubble bursts, the less it hits me when things don't work out as I expect. I have lots of expectations. My life is full of shoulds and oughts. They are the yardstick by which I measure life... measure how others behave and how I match up to those expectations. If I were to list them down, I'd be tired just looking at them. I'm slowly learning to let go of them. Take life as it comes. Tackle it at its terms. When love is unrequited, I tell myself, 'It's ok, that's life. Move on.' There are many challenges I need to face and overcome in my life. Life offer no rewards to quitters. Since it's not so much about who's side He is on, it's for me to ensure I am on His side. With Him, there's nothing I need to fear.
I learned that while things can be tough going at times, there are many times I am on the receiving end of Grace. I don't always get what I deserve and that includes the negative. God often spares me from much pain, which I deserve and gives me unearned blessings.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Series of 8s
All my entries have been entered on the 8th, 18th and 28th - it's so odd! Just couldn't help making that observation.
Someone once said (there I go again), that in Life it is important to distinguish between the problems and inconveniences. Most of what we complaint about are inconveniences of life. Hardly problems. I spend so much time fretting about what people think of me, what they expect of me, getting hurt when people misunderstand me, angry when I'm ignored, blah, blah, blah. The real problem is I'm too preoccupied with ME! Who cares what people think! Why should I allow their opinions to dictate my life? And they have only so much 'influence' or 'power' over me as I allow them. So get on with the program, Cheryl and get over it. There's so much more in life than to brew over these things and let them pull you down.
Truth is the only opinion that matters is His opinion. At the end of the day, the only thing that counts for anything is when I have to answer Him as to how I've lived my life! And it would be no excuse to tell Him then, that I've not really lived my life because I was paranoid about what people would think of me. Or I was too busy trying to please others and meet their expectations. That would be the greatest regret. And at that point, it will be all too late.
I'm determined to live as I believe. Do my best to live as He wants me to. And if people see it and agree with it, it's ok. If they don't, it's ok too! There's such a temptation and danger to live only for the visible... to be seen. I want to live my life like an iceberg - that there'll be so much more in the inner and invisible life compared to the outer and visible life.
Time is short. Carpe Diem!
Real Me
Yeah I have my addictions
and keep my share of secrets
and things you'll never see
I get selfish and defensive
And pay too much attention
to my insecurities
Oh I'm just like everybody else
I try to love Jesus and myself
*Chorus*
I don't know what you believe
or what you think of what you see
but this is a part of me
what i do and who i am
all my impurities
Are right here on my sleeve
This is me
This is me
My heart break for the homeless
I worry about my parents
and all my bills are late
I'm dealing with the changes
This complicated Strangeness
Of seeing life this way
I'm just like everybody else
I try to love Jesus and myself
I laugh at silly movies
Tear up when i see babies
And I'm stubborn as a stone
I criticize my body
I wonder if I'm ready
To ever be alone
Oh I'm just like everybody else
I cry like everybody else
- "This is me" Faith Hill, Breathe
Sunday, July 18, 2004
A Safe Place
Do I feel safe to share my thoughts and feelings? I know that degree of safeness really depends on the level of relationship. Sharing my thoughts is one thing. Sharing my feelings is another. Sharing my dreams, my joy and my pain... now that's a totally different thing.
Recently I was chatting with my friend and it dawned on me that while I'm quick to offer my opinions, that I'm really not comfortable sharing my feelings with others. I find it harder with people whose opinions matter a lot to me. It's odd I suppose, because those are the people who would really care to know what I am really thinking or feeling. I guess I need to know that you are willing to listen, emphatise and would not judge me - before I would be willing to share with you. Basically I have to trust the person to handle my heart with care if I'm gonna share it. If I have any doubts about that, you can bet you will not be able to get anything much more than opinions from me. It takes time for me to get into issues and go deeper into my soul. Thus if I sense you don't have time, I would most probably not open up and keep things on the surface. Since I'm hardly at a lost for words, many people don't feel that there's any trouble getting anything out of me. The truth is they may think they know me. Only those who know me well will know better.
It takes wisdom to an extent to know what to share with whom. However my friend challenged me that I should not always process too much of what I want to say before saying it. Some things need to be said as it is for it to have its full impact. I find that extremely tough. I am trained to measure and test all my words because words have tremendous implications, legally or otherwise. I need time, lots of time, to weigh my words, the tone, the facial expression and everything else before saying what's in my heart. Of course by the time it is actually communicated, it lacks the passion and intensity of all the emotions that I initially felt when I wanted to say it. However the mode of communication must be taken into consideration. I would take hours to draft an email because I know it's going down in black and white. In the absence of facial expressions, intonations and body language, much miscommunication can take place.
I am mindful of the need to carefully express my thoughts so that the message gets across clearly. I don't trust myself to say the right things or say what I mean to say in the right way, ie. in a way that I will not be misunderstood when I'm very emotional about a certain issue. Someone once said (you've heard this phrase from me before because I feel strongly about not taking credit for ideas that are not originally mine!) - When emotions are up, intelligence goes down!
Frankly I think it takes courage to share what you really want to say. It takes wisdom to communicate it in a way that sends your message across clearly. It takes compassion to say it in a way that others can receive it.
Recently I was chatting with my friend and it dawned on me that while I'm quick to offer my opinions, that I'm really not comfortable sharing my feelings with others. I find it harder with people whose opinions matter a lot to me. It's odd I suppose, because those are the people who would really care to know what I am really thinking or feeling. I guess I need to know that you are willing to listen, emphatise and would not judge me - before I would be willing to share with you. Basically I have to trust the person to handle my heart with care if I'm gonna share it. If I have any doubts about that, you can bet you will not be able to get anything much more than opinions from me. It takes time for me to get into issues and go deeper into my soul. Thus if I sense you don't have time, I would most probably not open up and keep things on the surface. Since I'm hardly at a lost for words, many people don't feel that there's any trouble getting anything out of me. The truth is they may think they know me. Only those who know me well will know better.
It takes wisdom to an extent to know what to share with whom. However my friend challenged me that I should not always process too much of what I want to say before saying it. Some things need to be said as it is for it to have its full impact. I find that extremely tough. I am trained to measure and test all my words because words have tremendous implications, legally or otherwise. I need time, lots of time, to weigh my words, the tone, the facial expression and everything else before saying what's in my heart. Of course by the time it is actually communicated, it lacks the passion and intensity of all the emotions that I initially felt when I wanted to say it. However the mode of communication must be taken into consideration. I would take hours to draft an email because I know it's going down in black and white. In the absence of facial expressions, intonations and body language, much miscommunication can take place.
I am mindful of the need to carefully express my thoughts so that the message gets across clearly. I don't trust myself to say the right things or say what I mean to say in the right way, ie. in a way that I will not be misunderstood when I'm very emotional about a certain issue. Someone once said (you've heard this phrase from me before because I feel strongly about not taking credit for ideas that are not originally mine!) - When emotions are up, intelligence goes down!
Frankly I think it takes courage to share what you really want to say. It takes wisdom to communicate it in a way that sends your message across clearly. It takes compassion to say it in a way that others can receive it.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
How is your soul today?
My heart, my soul is the very center of who I am. My heart is the core of who I am and everything about me is an overflow from what's in there. Sometimes I like to fool myself to think that I'm just 'misbehaving' or behaving in a manner that is uncharacteristic of who I really am. If I'd be real honest I know I can never do anything that I really do not want to do - within my soul anyways. It is very scary to face who I really am but I guess it's even scarier to live in ignorance or denial of that. Today we're all looking for what is REAL.... but what is real? For me, this is my attempt to be real. Honest? Yes, but not irresponsibly so. If it is Truth without Love, then it is REAL-ly unloving.
This is not as easy as it seems. I realised how often I make statements in the 2nd person or even 3rd. It takes discipline to keep writing in the 1st person. Probably it is because it means I have to take personal responsibility for all that I am saying. It is very revealing; self-revealing I mean. I find this observation interesting.
I asked myself if I should blog to track my emotional state? Think that'll be boring and probably much too depressing! Will just pen whatever comes to mind... experiences, feelings, thoughts, ideas & opinions, convictions, whatever. Most probably a reflection of all these. An unreflected life is a wasted life - can't remember who said it.
This is not as easy as it seems. I realised how often I make statements in the 2nd person or even 3rd. It takes discipline to keep writing in the 1st person. Probably it is because it means I have to take personal responsibility for all that I am saying. It is very revealing; self-revealing I mean. I find this observation interesting.
I asked myself if I should blog to track my emotional state? Think that'll be boring and probably much too depressing! Will just pen whatever comes to mind... experiences, feelings, thoughts, ideas & opinions, convictions, whatever. Most probably a reflection of all these. An unreflected life is a wasted life - can't remember who said it.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
More Entries
Hee hee. I think this can be addictive. Why did I come up with this name.. Changes? Well because that's what life is all about. Change. You can't escape it. You don't have to deny or run away from it. Change is hard cause nobody likes things to move from the status quo. However with change there is hope. Someone once said, 'Only idiots do everything the same and expect different results!' If things are ever going to get better, then something must change. Well, all these about change... probably it's because I just celebrated my birthday yesterday. Puts me in a contemplative mood. Yes, being philosphical is definitely my cup of tea.
So are you suppose to talk to yourself when you blog? Or pretend that you're talking to somebody... or worse still, pretend that you're making a speech? EEEeeeewwww how boring. Already this thing feels like it's so much about ME... to imagine you have a huge audience out there waiting to hear from you is much too pretentious. OH MY GOODNESS... I've just been talking in this paragraph as if there's an audience!!!! It is getting to my head already. Oh no! I better stop before it's too late.
I am having fun.
So are you suppose to talk to yourself when you blog? Or pretend that you're talking to somebody... or worse still, pretend that you're making a speech? EEEeeeewwww how boring. Already this thing feels like it's so much about ME... to imagine you have a huge audience out there waiting to hear from you is much too pretentious. OH MY GOODNESS... I've just been talking in this paragraph as if there's an audience!!!! It is getting to my head already. Oh no! I better stop before it's too late.
I am having fun.
Entrance
Why do people blog? Have been thinking of doing it.... so what the heck. Got nothing to lose. Will anyone read? Not if I don't tell them about it. Do I want to tell others about this? Depends. And if not, that's fine too. I'm just here to have fun.
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