Fatal Attraction

What are some things that keep you awake at night? For me, that's a mystery. I've learned not to battle for sleep, or you may say, I've given up the fight. If it comes, great; if it doesn't, life goes on.

The title of this blog entry stems from something that is close to my heart. As a pastor and friend to many young adults (and a young adult myself), I know many struggle with this issue of attraction. No thanks to the media, we are made to believe that attraction equals to love. Thus if you feel attracted to someone, you should 'pursue' the person. Some of us may, on a good day, stop to evaluate the basis of the attraction, which could range from physical appeal to positive character traits. The truth is sometimes we can't even explain it because more often than not, attraction is a sensual matter, ie. it is something picked up by our senses, rather than a rational one. What usually happens for some is we get attracted first, then try to understand why certain people attract us, rather than going around with our radars to see who is 'worthy' of our attraction. Well, perhaps I'm just speaking for myself.

Attraction is a very important factor for any relationship to begin in the first place because we don't fall in love without attraction. Falling in love itself is a matter of the heart, rather than the head. However that is not a reason to exclude the head altogether as attraction should not be the sole basis for pursuing a relationship. This is especially true if the source of attraction is temporal, for example like how good a guy looks when he flips his long hair back in the wind.... most of the factors in this combination are transcient!

How many times have I been told that falling in love itself is not to be confused with love? If we love merely on the basis of attraction, which could be dependent on transcient factors, then it is not surprising that such love would be equally temporal. Thus I need to differentiate between attraction and love. It's sounds simple enough on paper but often, the heart rules in such matters and the head is ignored. I like to think (and suspect I'm not alone in this) that this sort of silly attraction only happens to young teenagers. However to my dismay, that's hardly the case. Attraction happens all the time, sometimes it hits us unexpectantly, other times it gradually grows on us, without us realising it.

I believe attraction is a good thing; a God-designed good thing. However He's also taught me to guard my heart, that is to watch what my heart gets attracted to. Yes, it is not always within my control but if the subject of attraction is not a godly relationship that I should pursue, then I have to exercise self-control on how the attraction develops. Being attracted to someone is not a sin but if I dwell on it or even just allow things to take its course, then I'm being reckless of how it can eventually lead to sin. He's laid down principles for the basis of pursuing a relationship and that's what I should use for evaluating the subject of my attraction. Attraction and matters of the heart are not always something easy to control, but that does not mean they have to lead to fatal results.