God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

Life is about changes and learning to enjoy the adventure of journeying in life with Him. I can't see what's ahead and have no way of controlling how things will go. I can only trust Him, that He makes all things beautiful in its time.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Boasting of our Weaknesses

There were those who questioned my spirituality when my first wife died. Word came to me that there were those who were saying that if indeed I was a leader called and empowered by God, I would have been able to have prayed for my wife's healing successfully. (She died of cancer.)

There are those who believe that if you were right with God you would be free from the pains of this life, or, if afflicted, you would be able to get out of them quickly. I suspect that some of Paul's opponents in Corinth thought the same.

They had called Paul's apostolic pedigree into question. These rivals had embraced the values of the world. They valued strength and power and looked down on human weakness.

A famous non-Christian orator of the day said, "the greatest defect in a person is to show his or her humanness, for then a person ceases to be held divine" (David A. de Silva, An Introduction to the New Testament, p.586). With his catalogue of sufferings (2 Corinthians 11:23-29) Paul's humanity was only too evident.

In response to these rivals writes 2 Corinthians. He makes a number of points we need to hear again.

First he reminds the Corinthians that we live in a fallen world and that brokenness of various kinds are part and parcel of life this side of heaven. It is only in the eschaton that we will trade in this body with all its vulnerability for the perfect, free-of-pain body. (2 Corinthians 5:1-10) The pain of our fallen humanity is a given in this life.

In the meantime God redeems the pains of a fallen world by using them to teach us the deepest lessons. In our pain and helplessness we receive the empowering comfort of God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). It is that same comfort that enables us to minister to others. Here is irony indeed. The very wounds that Paul's opponents used as evidence to question his leadership were the very things that qualified him to minister.

And the toughest circumstances teach the most important lesson --- we mustn't depend on ourselves. We must depend on God alone. And someone like Paul who had experienced God in such profound ways, who had been used by God so effectively, needed to learn and relearn this lesson. (2 Corinthians 1:9; 12: 1-10)

Christianity is no masochistic faith. We look forward to that day when this earthly life will be swallowed up in glory and pain will be no more. When stricken by a 'thorn in the flesh" Paul asks for it to be removed. We do not pursue pain as an end in itself.

But pain is a given in this fallen world. And a God of the Cross uses pain to enable us to receive His grace and to teach us His ways. He uses the pains of this life to enable us to receive His empowerment.

Therefore Paul does not play the game that his rivals at Corinth are playing. He does not get drawn into a game of spiritual one-upmanship. Instead he continues to show his humanity. He tells them of desperate times when he had give up hope (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). He recounts a thorn in the flesh that brought him considerable pain, a thorn that God chose not to remove (2 Corinthians 12:1-10).

Indeed he boasts of his sufferings because he knows that they humble him and put him in a position where he is able to receive divine power. Here indeed is a faithful follower of a Lord who brings life out of death and power out of weakness.

Recently I watched the movie 'Gladiator (2000)' again and I was reminded of how much I had wanted Maximus to have connected with his army so that he could beat the stuffing out of Commodus. Yet the director Ridley Scott, in an echo of the Cross, lets Maximus win by "losing", effecting change through his death rather then through worldly strength and power. I was reminded that my heart remained far from the way of the Cross.

It seems that the more gifted we are, the more we tend to trust in our gifts rather than in the Giver. If a church is big, the more the temptation to say "see how big we are, how rich we are, how much political clout we have. Now we can do great things for God."

The more gifted we are the more we tend to hide our weaknesses and push our strengths. (Check out the websites of our more "successful" churches and organizations.) Yet it is the against he backdrop of our weaknesses that God's grace shines brightest.

If we have been blessed personally or corporately we should be grateful, and be good stewards of our gifts. And be doubly vigilant to ensure that our trust remain firmly rooted in the Giver and not in His gifts.

The world has tried shock and awe. It didn't work during the time of the Romans. It doesn't work today. The life that the world needs comes from the "foolishness" of a Saviour who died and rose again. It comes through those willing to walk the path of the Cross, those willing to allow their weaknesses to be conduits of God's life.

We are not divine. We are only too human. But when we embrace our humanity we allow the Divine to shine through.

"My grace is enough for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NET)

Your brother,
Soo-Inn Tan

Grace@Work 29 Jan 2007
(posted with permission)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Bread for the journey

One of the salient features as human being is our finiteness and frailty. We are not God and thus have limited ability, and we are definitely not invincible. Some personalities are more resilient than others to hardships, trials and challenges of life. Nevertheless we all feel weak at some point, because life is full of challenges and some of these blows can knock even the strongest among us.

How we view such trials in life is important. Many Asians, especially Christians, find it hard to admit to others that we are weak. Often pride stands in the way because we think we ought to be tougher. For others, we simply don't want to trouble others with our problems and feel we should deal with it. Perhaps we've had bad experience where people reject us or are uncomfortable with such admission. Some would rather die than to admit that they are struggling or to ask for help from another. What makes it hard for me is my self-talk that keeps telling me mistakes and failure are unacceptable. Thus when I experienced these, I'm usually very hard on myself and tend to beat myself on the head, chiding myself to do better next time. I suspect I'm not alone in thinking this way. Even when I turn to the Father to beg for mercy and forgiveness, and ask him to help, I sometimes imagine Him grunting with great disapproval and letting me off with a stern warning not to repeat the mistake and to try harder. Yes, I am spared the punishment I rightfully deserve, but rarely do I hear in my heart, 'Child, you are forgiven. Go and sin no more'. His vast love and extravagant grace is beyond my comprehension, but it is oh so real. Coming to the foot of the Cross, and see His pierced hands and side, I am reminded of it and know I've misrepresented Him. When I hear His invitation to come to the table, again I know and experience His love giving me new life and hope to overcome the darkness within me, in a tangible way. Does this mean I never sin again or make another mistake? Oh no ... not at all. I only know that I have the strength I need to make it a little further along on the journey. Bread for the journey.

I am learning to see others differently and remember that those sharing this journey are struggling too. I learn to extend grace and remind them (and myself) of who He really is. I share about my weakness, if only to boast about His grace, giving them permission to acknowledge their weaknesses and struggles. I am afraid of my own vulnerability and battle with temptations. I feel like giving up sometimes ... perhaps too often. I try to share that too and at the same time, learning to ask for help. I need help to be held accountable and to allow others to speak into my life or give me a shout if they think I'm running too close to crossing the line. I'm incredibly good at rationalising and justifying sin (augmented by my legal training) , thus understand that in my areas of weakness, I'm not the right, and definitely not the best, person to know if I'm heading the wrong direction. I need friends who would love me like that. Friends who would remind me that there is yet hope and to hang in there, because the best is yet to come. God's not done with us yet and will surely fulfill His promise to bring in the fullness of His kingdom. In the meantime, we watch, we wait, we long, we yearn together for His return.

At this juncture, I would like to urge those who feel like you are at wits end about life and do not see a way forward in your situation, please know that there is Hope. There are people who care about you and can help. If you are feeling suicidal, read this first.

Here are some tests that I have found to be helpful resources that you might want to look at to gauge how you are feeling and how well you are coping
- Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale
- Beck Depression Inventory

These are some helpful questionnaires to learn more about yourself
- Sexual Maturity Questionnaire
- Life Script Questionnaire

Monday, January 08, 2007

Role of the Church

What is the role of the church? What is her mission? We are here to introduce people to Christ. Are we to be judge of others, whether they are sinners or saved? Are we here to enforce a set of rules? We tend to think and talk about the Christianity in terms of being in and out - is that right? Perhaps I'm only speaking for myself, but often I find that we have a lot of patience with someone is still yet to be a believer and the bar to get in is kept low. But once they become a Christian, they suddenly find a series of changes that are demanded of them, and the bar seem to be raised sky high, catching them unawares. Almost overnight grace quickly disappears. We think that knowledge and education will change people, and therefore teach them lots about the faith. That is great and very valuable, but I don't think knowledge (at least not head knowledge and information alone) can change anyone's behaviour. Not in the short term anyway. And this is one of the struggles we have in our churches today. We want quick fix and immediate results. We set up programmes and hope that people will be transformed if they only stick to the itinerary.

I know that transformation is the aim and I have no issue with that. It is how we reach that aim that I am concerned with. Do we put people into a program and hope that there would be changed of heart and change of lifestyle? Well, I don't think so. An internal change that leads to a change of lifestyle and behaviour is the aim. External change is good but external change alone cannot be maintained without an internal change. In fact emphasising on external changes alone can sometimes be deceptive leading others, as well as the person in question, to assume that internal changes are present as well. By external changes I mean, getting rid of vices as well as adopting positive habits, like going to church, being active in church, performing religious rituals like fasting, attending prayer meetings, etc.

I am not saying that teaching and external changes have no value, but all I'm saying is they are insufficient, and more importantly, it can't be programmed. Knowledge is more than information, and true knowledge is personal and relational. Transformation is a result of a personal encounter and relationship with Christ, over a prolonged period. In fact nothing teach us to be more like Christ and strengthen our faith more than suffering and trials, and experiencing Christ through them. I'm not saying people shouldn't change their behaviour when they come to Christ, but it's hard for us to judge a person's growth in their faith by their behaviour and external changes. While I believe our faith should and must be reflected in changed lives and behaviour, they are not a good gauge nor are they any basis for judging internal change and one's relationship with Christ. It is not for us to judge another's growth and walk with Christ based on that. I do not deny but firmly believe, that there is certain value in external changes that can change our inner attitudes and heart. For example, if we acted kindly towards people, simply because we believe it is the right thing to do and not because we have any other agenda, then in time to come we will become kinder. It is the nature of things that we become what we practice and also there is the effect of people responding to our kindness, that can move our hearts and change us internally.

The reason why I'm rethinking through some of these issues is because I'm still trying to work out how we approach those who come into our churches and fellowships who are struggling with various issues. I believe God loves them, extends His gift of life and includes them in His family. How do we communicate this hospitality and gracious and compassionate invitation to these friends? May He gives us the grace to do so, just as He has welcomed us into His fold. May we be an extension of God to demonstrate His love and embrace all who are caught in the bonds of sin. His command is that we love one another, not to change one another ... that is His part. However I do not think that loving a person simply means being nice and avoiding issues that are sensitive. It can also involve loving and honest confrontation of sin and walking through with people as they work out these issues. None of us are excluded and we would be wise to be mindful that we are all weak and vulnerable. That is why we need to be there for and support each other in our struggles.

Being in Vancouver, one particular issue on my mind is gay couples who are living in faithful relationship with their partners. It's been painful seeing churches being torn apart, not being able to agree on how we should approach this very real and practical concern in our community. I wonder what would Jesus do ... what does He want us to do?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007

The last semester was a very good one. I am very thankful for the courses I took because I believe God really addressed many questions that I've had; questions which I thought were too basic for someone who's been a Christian for as long as I have. I would never have thought that I'd be taking courses on subjects as basic as conversion and prayer, at this level. But I'm very grateful I did and to some extent, feel like this is the very reason why God has brought me out here. I am still thinking through many of these issues and they're not exactly resolved, but I believe I have some basis for working through them. I guess it is precisely the basics that we need to 'master', failing which, they can have a lot of implications, and a faulty foundation can definitely affect how we build on it.

This Christmas was a good time of celebrating and remembering the Lord's birth with different families and friends. It's been a real blessing. Except for one, the rest were pretty small group and intimate affairs. Find it a lot more meaningful that way. As much as I enjoy meeting new people, spending an evening with a house full of people and making small talk is not my idea of fun. Maybe not anymore. Perhaps a sign I'm growing old. I guess I just don't find spending time in that manner very meaningful although I'm sure there is a place and time for that. Besides eating (and there was quite a lot of that), this was a time of saying goodbyes to dear friends. Will we meet again? Perhaps, God willing. If not, I know He is with them wherever they are and in their undertaking.

Besides eating, managed to watch quite a number of movies (one of my favourite past times), attended 2 musicals, visited the Vancouver Aquarium (for free!), Festival of Lights at Van Deusen Gardens and also at Warm Beach Camp in Washington (site for Regent retreat). I went for the lights display at Van Deusen Garden with my housemate and thought it was beautiful albeit a little cold. They had lights all over the Garden and even some dancing to the tempo of music being played. There was also a very nice male choir singing there too ... all of them, look like great Santa Claus candidate. Then when I visited the other one in Warm Beach, it was so much bigger and nicer. They even had lights put up looking like the Rockies mountains. Went for a train ride with my friends. It was way nicer and we had complimentary tickets by friends we knew from Regent who were working there, and it was way colder. The best part of my trip to the States was the crossing of the border. The traffic was very heavy and it would have taken us 2-3 hours to get across. So my friend dropped us near the border, and another friend and I walked across the border and then we got picked up from the other side. That meant we cut the whole process to less than 30-45 minutes, including the time at the immigration. Walking from Canada to US - that's probably my biggest feat for 2006!