Thinking is hard work

A time to be silent and a time to speak (Ecc 3:7b)

This is probably the season for speaking, after a period of silence.

Today I learned that I enjoy intellectually stimulating conversations, discoursing about life and debating on issues concerning the Christian faith. I find them very helpful to keep my mind alert and sharp, as I challenge my assumptions, belief systems and world views. Of course there are times when I need to share what I am going through and my feelings. I have certain friends that I can look to in those moments. However it's not easy to find like-minded folks who are not intimidated when I initiate theological discussions and are willing to take up the challenge! Thinking is hard work and nobody likes to disturb the status quo. Thus such rare gems are always cherished. Thank God for thinking Christians.

Excellence: An Attitude

I have a knack of spotting mistakes, grammatical, typo, spelling, paragraph formatting ... even an extra spacing! I used to think it's because I am paranoid about such mistakes and am a total perfectionist. I can't deny that my professional training has sensitised me to such mistakes and given me an intolerance for them. However I think it's a matter of wanting to produce work that is excellent! I guess that's one my personal values. I believe we should strive to do our best and not settle for anything less than excellence. I'm not perfect and I'll be the first to admit that, which is why I take pains to look up dictionaries to double check on spelling and grammar usage when I have to draft or proofread something.

As Christians, we are called to do everything as unto the Lord. Therefore I should give God my best in every piece of work I produce. I told a friend today that it saddens me to see that the world demands for excellence but Christians should expect God to settle for anything less. Bottomline, it is not the number of mistakes made but the attitude that counts.

On a more pragmatic note, I think if each of us seek to reduce and minimise the number of mistakes made, we would not have not to waste time and money undoing these mistakes. When a friend tried to assure me, 'It's okay, we can always redo it if it's wrong' to which my immediate response was, 'Why not get it right the first time??'

Fear and Faith

Only after penning the blog yesterday did I realise that I've actually mentioned the need to feel safe before I share, in my previous blog. Is it really so important? Well, the emphasis has given me a new revelation of myself. I have been thinking that while I blog my thoughts here, I don't really blog my feelings. Is it because I don't feel safe to share my feelings (although only a handful know of this site) or is it due to the fact that I'm really not very in touch with my feelings? Guess I'm not keen to over-indulge on my feelings. Most of the time, I find it easier to discuss matters in abstract concepts then concrete terms, preferring to leave out details like name, place, time and occassion. I find them too mundane and reckon no one, not even myself, would be interested to read them. Or am I trying to avoid getting too personal? These are questions to be pondered... I don't have any answers.

Things have been pretty busy - went on a fantastic holiday. Spent 2 whole weeks in New Zealand visiting my brother and sister-in-law. Just a time of catching up with them; also with my sleep and reading. It was a very refreshing and enriching trip. Have been going through a lot recently. Thinking through some issues. Rocking the boat as I consider the possibility of making a major move in my life. It's s-c-a-r-y because this is a step that requires FAITH! Probably even suicidal in the eyes of some. Some events have prompted this but I believe this stirring is nothing less than divine. On the outside, it does not appear that there's any real need for taking such drastic measures. I asked myself if I am doing this deliberately to add some drama in my possibly mundane life but I think not. Life is sufficiently tough as it is. No way am I gonna take this step just for the sake of the special effects that acoompanies it - this is no bungee jump for fun! Yes, I know we live in the days of extreme sports and seeking after radical thrills but I don't think that was what Peter had in mind when he stepped out of the boat.

It's funny how issues are stirred when we rock the boat or when our boat is rocked. Things which we've lived with, swept under the carpet and tried to ignore somehow has a way of resurfacing when our world is being shaken. This is a time of shaking for me as well as facing these buried issues. He will not allow them to be buried no more. Testing my motives and intentions, checking my attitude, stretching my faith... I've never felt more alive! Although that does not neccesarily means it's easy or reduces the fear.

Can faith and fear coexist?

Sounding Board

I am grateful to God for friends who've journeyed with me and were there for me when I needed a 'sounding board'. This is a word I coined for people who allow me share my thoughts without fear of being judged and allow me to think aloud. For me, it's important to feel safe ... safe to share. Often I don't need advice and I believe that each of us indeed have the answers within us. We empower others when we listen without analysing, judging or being quick to dish out solutions!! Truly appreciate caring hearts in the form of listening ears. I find that articulating my thoughts makes things so much more concrete and moves me away from spinning cobwebs in my mind.

My prayer is that I may have the privilege of being a 'sounding board' for anyone who needs someone they can think aloud with while they are working certain things out.