Only after penning the blog yesterday did I realise that I've actually mentioned the need to feel safe before I share, in my previous blog. Is it really so important? Well, the emphasis has given me a new revelation of myself. I have been thinking that while I blog my thoughts here, I don't really blog my feelings. Is it because I don't feel safe to share my feelings (although only a handful know of this site) or is it due to the fact that I'm really not very in touch with my feelings? Guess I'm not keen to over-indulge on my feelings. Most of the time, I find it easier to discuss matters in abstract concepts then concrete terms, preferring to leave out details like name, place, time and occassion. I find them too mundane and reckon no one, not even myself, would be interested to read them. Or am I trying to avoid getting too personal? These are questions to be pondered... I don't have any answers.
Things have been pretty busy - went on a fantastic holiday. Spent 2 whole weeks in New Zealand visiting my brother and sister-in-law. Just a time of catching up with them; also with my sleep and reading. It was a very refreshing and enriching trip. Have been going through a lot recently. Thinking through some issues. Rocking the boat as I consider the possibility of making a major move in my life. It's s-c-a-r-y because this is a step that requires FAITH! Probably even suicidal in the eyes of some. Some events have prompted this but I believe this stirring is nothing less than divine. On the outside, it does not appear that there's any real need for taking such drastic measures. I asked myself if I am doing this deliberately to add some drama in my possibly mundane life but I think not. Life is sufficiently tough as it is. No way am I gonna take this step just for the sake of the special effects that acoompanies it - this is no bungee jump for fun! Yes, I know we live in the days of extreme sports and seeking after radical thrills but I don't think that was what Peter had in mind when he stepped out of the boat.
It's funny how issues are stirred when we rock the boat or when our boat is rocked. Things which we've lived with, swept under the carpet and tried to ignore somehow has a way of resurfacing when our world is being shaken. This is a time of shaking for me as well as facing these buried issues. He will not allow them to be buried no more. Testing my motives and intentions, checking my attitude, stretching my faith... I've never felt more alive! Although that does not neccesarily means it's easy or reduces the fear.
Can faith and fear coexist?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Appreciate your sharing and for pointing out the spelling error. Guess I'll have to leave it there now or else will render the comment meaningless ;p Didn't for a moment doubt you'd spot something like that!
Our journey with Him is an endless adventure - no regrets and would not want it any other way.
Post a Comment