God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

Life is about changes and learning to enjoy the adventure of journeying in life with Him. I can't see what's ahead and have no way of controlling how things will go. I can only trust Him, that He makes all things beautiful in its time.

Friday, March 31, 2006

Interesting Progress in Regent College

For those interested, Regent College is currently undergoing construction for a new library. Link to the webcam and follow the progress live!

Interesting People in Regent

This is one interesting girl who LOVES to walk. One of the students in Regent College and this is one of her recent articles in our student newsletter, also featured in her blog. Yes, a 4-month walk! She's inspired me to consider walking back to Malaysia!

Silence- A Reflection on the Appalachian Trail
Hey there everyone, the following is an article that got published in my school's student newspaper a couple days ago. It is a reflection on my experience of silence while walking the Appalachian Trail about a year and a half ago. I just finished writing a paper on silence and solitude in the works of Thomas Merton so this theme has been running through my head lately.

If you want to read more about my trek, here is the link to my online journal.

A Journey of Silence

"Oh America, how I began to love your country! What miles of silence God has made in you for contemplation! If only people realized what all your mountains are really for."

-Thomas Merton

The spring and summer before I came to Regent I went for a walk. Actually quite a long, 2400 km, 4-month walk through 11 states in the Appalachian Mountains on the East Coast of the USA. I walked alone, through blizzards in Georgia and North Carolina, joyfully through the gentle, restful hills of Virginia, onward to civil war monuments in Maryland and rocks in Pennsylvania, through New Jersey, land of water and life. Onward to the scorching heat of New York, then celebrity spotting in Connecticut and finally to Massachusetts where my journey would come to end.

It was in the silence of the forest that I began to know who I truly was. It was where I knew what I feared, where I understood the compulsions that shape my life and my interactions with people. It is in the silence that I began to know the bitterness and the hurt in my life because of the people from my past who I hadn't thought about in years. It was in walking that I was able to forgive them, to pray for them and to not let this anger consume me. In was in recovering from hypothermia that death became real and that I understood the phrase "to live is Christ and to die is gain." It was in the sickness that would end the hike that I began to see how little I really trusted God and that He was really just an idol I had made in my own image. It was in the silence that I knew how often I spoke empty words, void of any real meaning.

It is in the quiet of the forest that I truly know God. For sometimes I think that it is not in the city, amidst the chaos of study and work and ministry that God is most present with us. Perhaps when I talk less, God talks more.It is in the mountains watching the sun fade over the hill on a still night that I know God's quiet presence.Is it in the fury of a thunder and hail storm atop a mountain ridge that I know something of God's power. It is in the tiredness of a 25 mile day that I know what it means to be weary and burdened and to come to Jesus and find rest.It is upon reaching a gushing spring on a scorching hot day that I know God's abundant provision in my life. It is when the skies turn dark in the middle of the day and the forest is shrouded in blackness that I know the darkness in my own life. It is in interacting with other tired wanderers that I feel most able to be myself. It is in the silent places of life that I am changed.

Sometimes when you are alone for that long you just have nothing left to think about or to occupy your mind with. Maybe God's presence is closest to us in this state. Maybe that's what prayer is all about, to be emptied of oneself in order that God might fill us, speak to us and occupy the places in our lives that we so desperately want to cling to for ourselves. To move beyond words and the space where we are conscious of our own praying and contemplation is to move within the depth of God's own intimate union within the trinity. For just as Christ emptied Himself and became nothing upon the cross, so too are we called to empty ourselves. Without solitude, we are not able to be truly present to people and serve them with the humility with which Christ serves us.

And yet at times, it was hard to be confronted with my own humanity, with the presence of God. To realize the depth of my sinfulness and the patterns of sin by which my life was often shaped was disturbing. To know the living God is a scary thing and yet in solitude at least I was confronted with that choice. To be still or to listen to music. To walk alone or to seek out company to fill the loneliness. To embrace emptiness or to fill my mind with idols. To find life in Christ or to seek the pleasures of this world. To trust or to fear. I wish I could say that I chose the former more often than the latter.

So as I sit at my house in Vancouver that I share with 25 other people I wonder about the contradictions in my life. I look out the window at the ocean and mountains of the North Shore and know that I'd rather be there than here. How to live in this world but not be of it? How to know myself and God when the silence seems so fleeting and transitory? How to live in and speak to a culture that so often seems to want to fill the silent places with noise, bury our loneliness with entertainment and hide our true selves at the expense of knowing who we fundamentally are and who God really is?

Saturday, March 25, 2006

PGCC

Some pictures from my church. This is a medium sized church but power-packed. We have enough talents to put up our own annual art show and these are some pics taken at the latest one. This church has enough talents to have probably 5 different worship teams! All of them are very passionate about worship.

Jeff Wong is the Pastor for Worship, Arts and Multimedia. A Malaysian about my age, he now wears a cool, bright red head! And his brother's name is Eugene! Ken Rufelle is my favourite worship leader and Michael Root is one mean drummer. Even Tom Sopwith (from UK), our Youth Pastor, and Tim Horman, Pastor in the UTown branch located on UBC campus, can be seen playing the drums, keyboard, guitar and leading worship during Sunday services! Our Assistant Pastor, Greg Laing (not featured here), sometimes assist on the drums!
To see more photos of this event or visit PGCC website.




Choice of Church

This blog arises out of conversations I've had with different friends recently about choosing a church. One of our tutorial discussion posed the question differently by asking us to consider on what basis do we decide to leave a church. It definitely provoked a very lively discussion. We even have courses here on how to evaluate a church! I've not taken that class but this is a list I hope my friends who are in the midst of deciding this issue will find helpful. It also serves as a reminder to myself.

1. Christ-centered
- This is a litmus test for me. Christ said upon this Rock I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I don't think I can be part of a church that does not confess Christ as Lord, profess His divinity and humanity, or believes in the virgin birth and Christ's death, burial and resurrection.
2. Bible-based
- It is crucial that the church upholds the authority of Scripture and thus tries to honestly live out what the Bible teaches. It is important for me to hear a preacher preaching faithfully according to the Bible. I don't think I'm the sole judge of it, but I am responsible to listen with discernment and test what is being taught.
3. Sound Theology
- Upholds tenets of faith about Trinity, of God, Christ and the Holy Spirit, and Scripture. I may not agree with other parts of their theology but I do believe it must be founded on Scripture, then at least there will be basis for discourse (hopefully) and possibly open to change, if need to.
4. Leadership of the Church
- It's important that I respect the leaders. I appreciate leaders who are dedicated and try to look for leadership who are transparent and accountable. This does not mean perfection nor sinlessness, but to have a teachable spirit. Yet I know I need to learn to respect those that God has placed over me and will be held accountable for my attitude towards them. Nevertheless I don't think, as Christian leaders, we can give ourselves the excuse that how we live our lives has nothing to do with how well we can do our 'job'. Our very 'job' is to do our best to live right before God and men, that others may draw from our lives.
5. Place for personal growth
- Fellowship that encourages growth and accountability is important. I also know that I grow by studying the Word and by serving and getting involved in ministry. Such opportunities are important for me.
I've signed up to help with set-up in Church, that is I go early to brew the coffee and boil the water, so coffee and tea is ready when the people come in. Here we're pretty relaxed and simply bring our beverage along into the sanctuary!
6. Mission emphasis
- Mission is the mandate of every Christian and the church should encourage and facilitate its members to participate in missions.
7. Evangelism and outreach
- We are in the world but not of the world, and the church is not the world. The church is where I am equipped to do the work of the ministry and fulfill the mission God has given me in the world that I live in everyday.
8. Style of worship
- Worship is a very important part of church life but it is also very important for me personally. I need to know myself, and when possible, find a place that helps me to worship wholeheartedly.

I know the above list are basic and I would seek to look for such a church when I have the opportunity choose. These are some of the elements that have led me to worship where I am. Perhaps these elements are common in the available choices, then how does one choose? The secondary elements are many and far from exhaustive:
- Close to where I live
I guess I am very practical. Here in Vancouver I rely on public transport and buses are a lot less frequent and start to run later on weekends. If I miss a bus, the next one can take from 1/2 hour to an hour, I will most probably miss a good part of the service. If I'm not careful this can be a source of discouragement especially in winter when it is wet and cold and it takes a lot of effort to get to church. Also I know this consideration will affect how much I will be involved in church during the week and etc.
- Affliations to the members: family members, friends, etc
I suppose this can work both ways but generally my life here evolve around College. I wanted to attend a church that is not full of Regent students and wanted to have a wider group of friends.
The first church I went to here was a very small group (less than 30) of mainly second -generation migrant Chinese. Most of them were younger than me and were either married or engaged to be married. I liked the people and worship style but did not feel comfortable in that setting.
- Availability of a good Children Ministry or Youth Ministry
I know this is an important consideration for parents. While I believe the main and first place for Christian education is the home, I recognise the importance of healthy role model outside of the home and positive peer influence.
- Formality and dress code
This probably sounds silly but I feel so free seeing my worship pastor lead worship in a round neck t-shirt and jeans. He's a Malaysian about my age with bright red hair but I guess what's important for me is he conveys a great passion for God and worship. My assistant pastor can also be found clad in a jumper and jeans when he's not preaching.
- Parking facility
For those who drive I don't think this is something we can afford to ignore. It's a pain to see how we obstruct traffic for others while we are worshipping God.
- Time of service
It is helpful if we have more than one option especially if our work hours and etc do not permit us to always attend service at the usual hours.

If some of the above clashes with our lifestyle, then perhaps we need to consider adjusting our lifestyle. I mean if God is as important in our life as we claim, then our worship life should not be any less. While our faith is a personal one, it is not an individualistic one. It's easy to be patient in a hermit's cave or be loving and spiritual in our own little world, which consists only of I, me and myself. We are called to be part of a community to work out our faith. Once I commit myself to a being part of a church, I am to embrace that community as my family. Thus is it then for me to leave my family when things are not as exciting, or if I don't agree with certain members? That's not really what being a family is about. We stick things through together and work things out hoping for the best. I may feel my needs are not being met at this point, may not agree with how things are done, or even ashame of some members in the family, but we never quit being family.

I've listed the above to serve as a starting point for those considering such a decision. I've sorted the list between what I consider primary factors and secondary ones. Even then the list of secondary factors do not all bear equal weightage, and different people will accord more weight to one consideration more than others. And I repeat they are far from exhaustive. The primary consideration for me is where I can grow best and live out my Christian faith most faithfully. Yet it's not about what I can get out of church, but where I can live for and serve God best. For example you may not agree with the church's position on various issues like praying in tongues, who can serve communion, opportunity for women to minister, practice of infant baptism, etc. One need to ask ourselves honestly if these issues are important enough for one to break fellowship with a church. At times the only resolution may simply be to agree to disagree about some of these matters. We need to bear in mind there's no perfect church and every church will have its set of flaws, and sometimes these will only show up after we become part of the fellowship and get close enough to take a closer look.

I pray for my friends who are presently making this decision. It's not an easy decision and I believe these are some factors for prayerful consideration. There are no shortcuts and the Lord gives us wisdom and discernment to make the best decision. I pray the Lord will lead you in this process and may He grant you peace in your decision.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Confronting Prayer-lessness & Being Confronted

Recently I was having a discussion with my pastor-friend about my struggles with prayer. I was sharing with him that sometimes I am so plagued with doubts that paralyse me and find it hard to pray. He reminded me very simply that we pray because it's our lifeline, that we need to pray. That is prayer is not about doing a duty ... because we have to. Even if I didn't have to, I needed to. I know I needed to hear that.

Life is tough and always seem to drag me in different directions. Very often, I feel fragmented and frazzled by the frentic pace of life and tend to be driven. But when I stop, before I rush head on into the day, it helps me see things in perspective. Simply pause and breathe deeply, refusing to let the clock dictate my life or my scheduler to be my master is a discipline. In that act of stopping, I make a profound proclamation to myself and the world, that Jesus is my Lord and He alone is the Master of my life.

I know my struggle with prayer is the fact that I see it as a chore, another thing that I have to fit into my already busy schedule. I do it out of a sense of duty and obligation, as if God should be happy with me for keeping up with this spiritual discipline. When in fact I should be the one who should be grateful for this awesome privilege. Yet I take it lightly and like Esau, fail to appreciate my birthright as a child of God. How this must grieve Him.

Often I'm driven from prayer because of guilt, with a heavy sense of my own brokenness and failures. I feel unworthy to appear before Him, a perfect and holy God, to bring my petitions. Usually the devil brings condemnation, a vague sense of all the wrongs I've committed, instead of conviction by the Holy Spirit about a specific offence that has grieved Him. This leads to me feeling more guilty because I don't feel like praying. Finally this is compounded by more guilt as I feel I ought to be praying more. It's a vicious cycle.

After that meeting with my friend, it felt good to come out clean with the Lord and before someone else. But the Lord was not done with me and almost as if He heard my lament, He gave me another response. The day following that discussion, which was Friday evening, one of the guys at Alpha gave a very powerful illustration about building faith muscles. He shared that for those who work out and lift weights, they are always pushing their muscles to the point that it tears slightly. This will hurt but it is in the recovery that one develops bigger muscles. He then explains that doubts are necessary to push us to build bigger faith muscles. It's only when we discover the 'breaking point' of our faith that we really exercise it and know how strong our faith is! It's as if God is assuring me that He knows my doubts and they do not bother him. He's not the least threatened by them but is willing and big enough to take them on. Many of my doubts are really a failure to reconcile what my faith with my experience in life.

Then on Sunday, my pastor in church preaching what he called was a very simple message to serve as a reminder for all of us. He opened his sermon with an illustration of Christians tending in our 'resignation' letter to God on prayer as if telling Him, I've tried the prayer thing and it doesn't work, so I quit. He went on to preach on the parable of the persistent widow and the unjust judge. Do you ever get this sneaky feeling that God is listening in to what you say? Well, this was one of those occassion for me. It freaked me out but also overwhelmed me! The only response, only appropriate response, was to bow my knee and worship, because 'You alone are God and beside You, there is no other'.

However being the pragmatic that I am, I knew I cannot stay motivated to pray if my main motivation for praying, or praying more, is guilt. Thus I came before Him, completely broken and repented of my prayerlessness. I readily admit to Him that I do not have a natural desire to pray. I prayed for a desire to pray and a hunger for Him. I reckoned if He can make me with an appetite for physical food and make my stomach growl when I'm hungry, He can do the same for me spiritually. In time to come, I might even acquire a taste for prayer like I do for food, well, certain foods at least, and might even start to crave for prayer. Until then, I'd be happy to feel hunger pangs to remind me to pray. Of course I realise this is a dangerous prayer because most often, the urgency to pray is accompanied by crisis. Then again, what does it matter if I gain the whole world and lose my soul? Thus if a crisis (or a series of them! oh no ... ) is what it takes, then crisis it will be. I am hoping (and I think He is too) that I will learn to do so without having to call for such drastic measures.

I don't know if anyone else shares this struggle but I hope this would serve as an encouragement for fellow pilgrims.

Dine Out for Life

Dining Out For Life LogoLast night I volunteered with Dine Out for Life, an AIDS Awareness event where restaurants contribute 25% of the bills for the evening towards charity organisations. It was a great experience, doing what I enjoy... meeting people and playing host. I chose to be stationed at a Singaporean restaurant downtown. It was really encouraging to see many people coming out for dinner specially to support this cause. I think this is a great way to promote AIDS awareness among young adults and encourage them to do charity at the same time. The needs are great to help those suffering with the disease and also their loved ones who are supporting them in battling this disease. We all must join hands to fight this battle for humanity.

Many of the patrons I met were gay, either as couples or in groups. It was good to see them hanging out in the regular joints and being comfortable doing so. I don't mean this in a pejorative manner but I think it's great to see many of them having a good time together, just like anyone else. I know it's hard for many of them to live under cover, and even in Vancouver, it's not always accepted. Of course it did cross my mind that some of them are good looking, well-groomed and have suave mannerism ... sigh. With so many women being single, this means there are less men who are available. Thus an eligible woman does not only compete against their female counterparts but also other men.

Just before that, I had come from a lecture and discussion on the sexual revolution that our society has gone through the past few decades. Sex has been detached from almost everything that we have associated it with traditionally. It's disintegrated from the process of procreation with surrogacy and artificial insemination. It's detached from the context of a lifelong covenantal relationship of marriage, with pre-marital sex and extramarital affairs. Sex is no longer determined by which sex we are, nor even need to be with another. Sex has become a commodity to be traded and used, a means of self-expression and to make one feel alive. As such, it is seen as valuable of itself, to satisfy one's needs and means for deriving pleasure. It's also a matter of performance by which one is judged on how good one is at sex.

Often sexual sin is given a special 'status' and stigma that is quite unlike others. As I prayed for the patrons that I met that evening, I asked myself, "Would God hear the prayer of a gay person?" The answer dawned on me (the fact it took a while reveals the state of my heart) and I became most certain He would. The reason I am so certain is simply because I know He hears mine, a sinner. I recently watched a play entitled Prodigal Son where the main character had turned away from God and became a gay. It was a very intense play as he slowly, realising that God does not turn away from him nor turn him away, makes his way back to God. My Lent reading material on the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen reminded of this play and Dr C. Everett Koop, who was featured in Soul Survivor. Koop puts it clearly when he said "I've noticed that Christians tend to get very angry toward others who sin differently than they do." Jesus loves my gay brother just as much as He does me and died for his sin equally.

As I reflect on the evening, I am sad by the awareness that probably not too many Christians would be invited to join such a party nor would they have been comfortable to be seen with such company. Jesus, on the other hand, I am certain, would have been totally comfortable hanging out with these friends and they likewise would be totally at ease with Him. I believe it has to do with how I perceive Christ. Instead of being completely honest and open with Him in my sinful state, I tend to focus on my sinful state, which makes me uncomfortable in His presence. I am more sin-conscious (conscious of my sins) than I am God-conscious. Rather, like Isaiah, I should let my awareness of His presence and holiness, lead me to realisation of my own sinful state. Then in this proper perspective, call out 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!' In that state, I will perhaps be able to better represent Christ before others; instead of making them conscious of their sin and uncomfortable in my presence, humbly direct them to Christ.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

iGod

iGod
• Your personalized saviour
• Create a saviour as individual as you are
• Load what you want to hear
• Listen to it how and when you want to hear it
• Listen to your personalized saviour without bothering others.

iBelieve is a replacement cap and lanyard to convert the iPod Shuffle into a cross. From the iBelieve site.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Malaysia to host International Christian Creative Arts Conference

Wow, Malaysia is chosen to host the 6th International Christian Creative Arts Conference. This is exciting. Did you know there is a Malaysia has a Christian Dance Fellowship? Find out more at their website.

Christian Dance Fellowship Malaysia & International Christian Dance Fellowship invite you to join us at the:

6th INTERNATIONAL CHRISTIAN CREATIVE ARTS CONFERENCE

July 10—16, 2006
Genting International Convention Centre
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia

Joyous Greetings from Christian Dance Fellowship of Malaysia (CDFM).

We are proud to inform you that Malaysia has been chosen to host the 6th International Christian Creative Arts Conference. This conference is the global event of the International Christian Dance Fellowship (ICDF) with which CDFM is affiliated. It is held every 3 years, co-hosted by the local charter CDF of a particular country. The previous 5 conferences were successfully held in Israe , UK, South Africa, Australia and USA respectively. Next year, it will be held in July 10-16, 2006 at Genting International Convention Centre, Kuala Lumpur.

Conference Objectives

  • To present a biblical worldview of the arts related to worship, ministry and mission
  • To celebrate life, hope and beauty through diversity of multi-genres, cross-cultural evangelism and international exchange of ideas relevant to a fast-changing world.
  • To develop a unity of artistic expression by reclaiming the arts for the glory of God and His purpose.
  • To provide a globe networking, encouragement, vision and fellowship for the body of Christ involved in the creative arts and dance ministries.

An exciting international program is in store for all participants. There will be live performances plus a variety of educational activities such as worship celebrations, concerts, workshops, arts exhibition and an outreach dance project titled The Dance Village. These will address dance in different ways and explore its diverse roles, elements and forms, catering to the interests of the participants, performers, choreographers, academics, enthusiasts, audiences and community beyond the church walls.

International speakers, teachers and delegates from approximately 35 to 45 nations will be attending the conference. We also hope to draw an attractive crowd from our own nation and neighbouring Asian countries.

As Malaysia is the host country, we have the advantage of savings on airfare, travelling expenses and forex exchange rates.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Why don't we practice what we preach?

No on lives up to the ideal, Dostoevsky admits. No one can perfectly love his neighbour as himself. No one can fulfill the law of Christ. God cannot ask so much and be satisfied with so little. We are made for that which is too big for us. It is for this very reason, he concludes, that he must believe in afterlife. Without such a belief, he concludes, our futile struggle to fulfill the law of Christ would have no point. It is our very longing, our failure, our sense of incompleteness that focrces us to throw ourselves on God's mercy. Our imperfection in this life calls for another, more complete realization of that ideal.

There is only one way for any of us to resolve the tension between the high ideals of the gospel and the grim reality of ourselves: to accept that we will never measure up, but that we do not have to. Absolute ideals and absolute grace... Grace announces that that not only is the kingdom of God within me, God himself dwells there.


I read the New Testament, especially the Sermon on the Mount, with a different spirit now... Jesus did not proclaim these exalted words so that we would, Tolstoy-like, furrow our brows in despair over our failure to achieve perfection. He proclaimed them to impart to us God's ideal toward which we should never stop striving, and also to show that none of us will ever reach that ideal. The Sermon on the Mount forces us to recognise that distance between God and us, and any attempt to reduce that distance by somehow moderating its demands misses the point altogether. We are all desperate, and that is in fact the only state appropriate to a human being who wants to know God. Having fallen from the absolute ideal, as Tolstoy did, we have nowhere to land but with Dostoevsky, in the safety net of absolute grace.


Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey

The Sermon on the Mount has always troubled me and the above passage voices some of my own struggles with its demands. I guess I would describe myself as an idealistic person, and while I've been tempted many times, I am thankful I've not given up on the ideals nor tried to moderate its demands to silence my conscience. Reading this book has helped me address many issues that I have struggled with through the years. The timing simply can't be better.

Yancey has helped me once again come to terms with the paradox of absolute ideals and absolute grace. I admit my mind which prefers answers in black and white find it hard to register paradox, and the Bible is full of them. I am grateful for them nevertheless. It is comforting to know that others have struggled with the same distance between Christianity that is often practiced and these ideals. How then should I live? I believe this is the mandate ...

The gospel of grace inflitrates this world not primarily through words and rational arguments, but through deeds. through love. I (Yancey) found humble people who each day faced human problems more extreme than I could imagine, and yet who responded not with paralysis or resentment but with compassion and love. Dostoevsky showed me the logical consequences of a life based on nihilism and doubt; living Christian servants showed me the logical consequences of a life based on faith and love. To follow Jesus, I learned, does not mean to solve every human problem - Christ himself did not attempt that - but rather to respond as he did, against all reason to dispense grace and love to those who deserve it least.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Which gospel? What good news?

Caution: This is not a theological exposition or a thesis. Just some thoughts and food for thought.

I've been struggling with how some share the gospel. One thing that sometimes bug me is that I don't think my life is good enough for me to proclaim the gospel. This reveals my underlying assumption that I believe my life must show for what I'm proclaiming. Today I'm reminded that I'm not sharing a human gospel but preaching Christ. While my life is a witness for Christ, it is not by virtue of my being a perfect witness. If that's the criterion, then I'll never qualify. Not sure if anyone will. I want to be able to point to my life and show the transformation that's taken place. Then I look at Paul's example and is reminded that Paul kept pointing people to his weaknesses, rejoicing in them. I go like what??? What kind of 'marketing' strategy is that? The right kind I suppose. The focus is on Christ and His work in my life. His word is true regardless if I can prove it. It is interesting that the early Christians did not point to their 'perfect' life but demonstrated the power of God at work through signs and wonders. There the attention was turned to His work their lives. Even then, the signs and wonders were not the focus! It is possible for people to witness and even experience a miracle, but still fail to believe or follow Christ.

When we offer the gospel, we offer Christ. Period. Nothing more, nothing less. If we try to sell the gospel too hard, we'd be tempted to highlight the blessings and play down on the sufferings and persecution. This is misrepresentation and misleading advertisement. It's wrong, unethical and by right, liable for legal suit! OK, you can see I feel quite strongly about this. We don't talk about the cost of discipleship, or that the call of Christ is to "Take up the Cross and follow Me". Simple reason being this tagline doesn't sell! I think it's no harm to point out the cost of following Christ, and that persecution, pain and suffering, even imperfection, are very much part of the life as a Christian. We are not immuned to the blows that life dishes out. In the midst of all that, the Lord promises His abiding presence, unconditional Love and eternal Hope.

Can you imagine the gospel the early Christians were 'selling'? Not unlike the persecuted church today in China and some other parts of the world, the choice to follow Christ is as good as signing up your life as a martyr. That's a sobering thought. I know we want to reach as many people with the gospel as possible, but we should not have to compromise on the message of the gospel in the process. We are not to water it down or make grace cheap. It's noted that despite the obvious cost, many chose to become Christians and the church grew in the midst of persecution. It's probably not evangelism explosion and mass conversion, but you bet the conversions were absolutely serious.

I have been involved in a campus ministry doing Alpha to reach out to international students here. I am careful in how I present the gospel because I am very aware that I can't overpromise and risk them crash with disappointment when things don't always turn out the way they want. I am aware that when they go home (many of them come from China) they will have to face the reality of the consequences of these decisions. I can't pay the price for them, thus it's not for me to judge them for how they decide. This is not to say I don't desire for them to be saved or pray God will draw them by His Spirit to put their faith in Christ. I do and that's why I am there faithfully every week to share this truth with them. I guess I want to do my part to present Christ through His word and hopefully, His presence through mine.

I am calling for authentic faith and honest representation of the gospel. I'm cautious about use of excellent marketing strategy, sleek packaging, high tech gadgets, manipulating emotions or bullying tactics, like threatening them with dramatic representations of Hell! I'm not saying that good planning and modern technology is bad. Not at all. I think we need to watch our motives and consider the manner in which we are using them.

Thanks for bearing with me as I process my thoughts. These are some of my initial ideas for the paper I will be writing on Conversion. I know I am not the first one to bring up these issues and most certainly won't be the last.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Reading and Reflection

This season of Lent has been a period of reading and reflection. I can see the goodness of God so real; it’s almost scary. It is as if He’s given me an answer for every question that ran through my mind, almost randomly (to me at least).

In my previous blog I mentioned that the Lord has been dealing with the issue of unresolved anger and only to find myself in a talk addressing this very topic. Another thing that has been bugging me is the whole process of conversion and evaluating my own salvation, and I've been asking myself some hard questions about the disparity I see in myself. I guess this has been something that has been playing on my mind for a while, and it kind of hit me hard again these few weeks. My readings lead me to C. S. Lewis, the Pilgrim’s Regress, where he shares of his own conversion journey. I had questions about the church and tried to reconcile what I see in church and how the Bible describes us. It’s painful looking at the failures of the church as a whole and I wondered if there’s hope. I am currently reading Philip Yancey’s Soul Survivor: How Thirteen Unlikely Mentors Helped My Faith Survive the Church! It’s has been very uplifting and helps me reconsider the questions I have been asking and the basis from which I form my questions and evaluations of these issues. Sometimes it feels kind of lonely in the face of such self-doubts and I wonder if I’m the only one mad enough to be bothered by such questions and trying to search for meaning. Only to find the Lord bringing me to a hosts of writers and thinkers who’ve gone before me, struggled with similar issues and left notes of their musings. I am indebted to their honesty and thoughtful insights… and there are no simplistic answers.

Most of the closest friends I’ve made here will be leaving at the end of this term, or at the end of summer. Can’t help feeling a hint of loneliness, even though I remind myself there are still others who are around. Again, guess what? Last week, I attended a lecture given by Dr James Houston on ‘Surviving the Continent of Loneliness’! Not only that, the Lord allowed me to spend a few hours with a like-minded friend, going for a long walk, good conversation and having tea together. To be able spend such extended time sharing with a friend for me is a real luxury and priceless gift. I feel as if the Lord’s telling me He knows every thought that troubles me, hears all my unuttered prayers and understands my needs and deepest longings. He is as close to me as my breath. And just to make sure I don't miss it, He’s made it loud and clear on several occasions just in the span of these past few weeks! How do you say Thank You to such an attentive and loving Heavenly Father? Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Soul Survivor

Excerpts from Soul Survivor to whet your appetites.

G. K. Chesterton

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried.
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has no one to thank.
The real question is no "Why is Christianity so bad when it claims to be so good?" but "Why are all things so bad when they claim to be so good?"

When London Times asked a number of writers for essays on the topic: "What's Wrong with the World?" Chesterton sent in the reply shortest and most to the point:
Dear Sirs,
I am.
Sincerely yours,
G. K. Chesterton

We always ponder the problem of pain, but have you ever pondered on the problem of pleasure? Why is sex fun? Reproduction surely does not require pleasure - some animals simply split in half to reproduce and even humans use methods of aritifical insemination that involve no pleasure. Why is eating enjoyable? Plants and the lower animals manage to obtain their quota of nutrients without the luxury of tastebuds. Why are there colours? Some people get along fine without the ability to detect colour. Why complicate vision for all the rest of us?


Dr Paul Brand
- Reflecting on the Gift of Pain, one of the excellent books he co-authored with Yancey.

He (Brand) insisted on pain's great value, holding up as proof the terrible results of leprosy - damaged faces, blindness, and loss of fingers, toes, and limbs - all of which occurs as side-effects of painlessness. Brand had made the groundbreaking medical discovery that leprosy does its damage merely by destroying nerve endings. People who lose pain sensation then damage themselves by such simple actions as gripping a splintered rake or wearing tight shoes. Pressure sores form, infections set in, and no pain signals alert them to tend to the wounded area.

I thank God for pain. I cannot think of a greater gift I could give to my leprosy patients.
He went on to describe the intricacies of the pain system that protects the human body. It takes firm pressure of a very sharp needle for the sole of the foot to feel pain, whereas the cornea of the eye senses one-thousandth as much pressure, calling for a blink reflex when a thin eyelash or speck of dust brushes the surface. Intestines do not sense pain from being cut or burned - dangers these internal organs do not normally confront - yet they send out the urgent pain signal of colic when distended.

When he first start working as a doctor in a hospital:
I noticed that the symptoms of illness my patients complained about were actually a display of bodily healing at work. Virtually every response of our bodies that we view with irritation or disgust - blister, callus, swelling, fever, sneeze, cough, vomiting and especially pain - demonstrates a reflex toward health. In all these things normally considered enemies, we can find a reason to be grateful.

Brand responded to the dilemma of the marvel of the natural world and its apparent flaws with a twin spirit of gratitude and trust - gratitude for those things he could see and appreciate, and trust regarding those things he could not. To Brand's surprise, faith in God's trustworthiness deepened even as he worked among people least likely to feel gratitude, leprosy victims in India, because he saw transformation in the lowest of the low resulting from simple compassion and a healing touch.

What about birth defects? He launched into a description of the complex biochemistry involved in producing one healthy child. The great wonder is not that birth defects occur but that millions more do not. Could a mistake-proof world have been created so that the human genome with its billions of variables would never err in transmission? No scientist could envision such an error-free system in our world of fixed physical laws.

(In today's world where people spend a lot of money to eliminate and seek to avoid pain at all cost, this is a counter-culture message.)


Robert Coles
- Trained medically, Coles was a psychiatrist, Harvard lecturer, wrote voluminous works from his study of the poor and even championed against racism, for civil rights. Finally he taught spiritual literature in Harvard, challenging the brightest minds in business, medicine, law and etc to think about the more important questions of life.

The poor had no answers for the unfairness of life. Had a mere accident of birth condemned them to a cycle of suffering and poverty? They had little time or leisure to contemplate such questions. But when asked about the source of strength in their lives, they often pointed to Jesus. Religion for them was no crutch but rather a source of inspiration. They found in Jesus, and in the image of the cross, a ray of hope that convinced them God knew their sufferings.

Coles reflected on the peculiar circumstances of life that God had chose in coming to earth, as a carpenter who associated with peasants and fishermen, his mother used to remind him, not as a doctor or lawyer or college professor.

Among the poor he had expected defeat and despair; he found some, yes, but he also found strength and hope and courage. Among the rich, he expected satisfaction and instead found boredom, alienation and decadence.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Expressing Anger

I attended a talk this week in College on ‘The Arrogance of Expectations: Reflections on Anger’. The speaker was Dr Rod Wilson, the President of Regent College, who’s a trained and experienced psychologist, who has written 2 books on this topic. This was one of the most enlightening talks on this topic I’ve attended – the sad truth is I’ve not heard many address this topic in the Christian circle. Or perhaps I should say, I’ve not many positive things said about this topic in the Christian circle. Another reason why I found this session particularly is probably due to the fact that the Lord has been dealing with me in this area.

The first thing that struck me was the strong affirmation that there is a place for anger and even the proper expression of anger. He emphasised that this to be true especially for women, for Christians and for Christian leaders – which I can identify with all 3 categories. A lot of times, the signal given to women is that it is inappropriate for women to express anger, and all sorts of labels are attached to a woman who is angry, which is not attributed to the male counterpart. That explains why a lot more women are depressed, a sign of anger turned inwards. The real issue behind anger is power, and we often resort to anger to render the other person powerless. Sometimes anger is used against those in authority, because those who are under authority feel powerless in the relationship and seek to regain power by showing one’s anger. However since it is deemed inappropriate for women to express her anger in such a manner, she will resort to tears both as a means to express her anger and to regain power in a relationship. This is most often played out in marriage relationships, or between mother and her son, especially if he's a married adult son. Many men readily admit that they can handle and deal with anger anytime but find themselves quite powerless against tears. Therefore it is important for both men and women to correct this notion about the propriety of women to express an emotion that is very much part of being angry.

The other category is Christian and this have been so misconceived. Bible say in your anger do not sin, and do not let the sun go down on your anger. The former is at times interpreted as it is ok to feel some anger but it’s not right to express it and we simply have to forgive the other party. Some read the latter as we should try to talk late into the night and try to resolve every issue before we go to bed. Not that that’s a bad idea, but it is neat to be reminded that, even there, the sun has long set while you are trying to talk things through! God expresses this emotion and I believe it is a valid emotion to be expressed. God’s anger is a righteous anger and thus it is right to be angry at injustice, and allow that anger to propel us to action because anger itself is loaded with energy. But I’m cautious when we mask our anger, which we feel has no appropriate outlet of expression, and channel to these causes. It is an attempt to express anger through a channel which may have nothing to do with the real source of our anger that we have not dealt with. This can result in a hugely disproportionate amount of anger manifested for the cause we support. For example a mum whose child has been killed by a drunk driver may channel her anger by joining a group for moms in similar situations. This is an activist organisation which propagates against drunk driving. However if she does not deal with her own anger and seek to forgive the person who killed her child, she may react with a disproportionate level of anger when she comes across another teenager who’s guilty of drunk driving. On the contrary, she may experience the release of forgiveness by ‘forgiving’ this particular teenager.

Very often in the Asian culture, the expression of anger, especially against a person who is in authority, more senior in age, rank and financial or social status is wholly inappropriate. Thus anger is often turned inward or expressed by cold, detached and silent treatment. The latter is very harmful but powerful because it spells rejection. Thus instead of ‘connecting’ by proper expression of anger, we withdraw and hope the other person would give in, playing on their fear of rejection. This again is a manipulation technique trying to ‘overpower’ the other person. Another thing is there’s a lot of rage and disproportionate display of anger on the roads, when anger is continually suppressed against perhaps bosses and situations at work or at home.

There’s a lot more I can share about owning our anger, taking responsibility for our response and how our expectations set us up. This is especially true when the person is close to us, as the closer we are in relationship with someone, the more expectations we have. We can also learn to read how our body signals to us when are feeling angry. But for now I think it is sufficient to look at just the issue of expressing anger, an emotion that we often fail to validate. Sometimes we hide and suppress it so well, we might not be conscious that this issue is bothering us. This has helped me to see how my own anger has sometimes been so deeply suppressed that the only time they emerge is through my dreams. I recently had a dream of a full-scale confrontation with someone in authority, whom I dearly love and respect but have never had the courage to confront. The whole scenario was so real and the pain was very real too. On other occasions I have dreamt that someone close to me, again in authority, had passed away and I was unable to grieve. I pray for the Lord’s mercy as He helps me work through these different issues.

p/s: Drop me a line if you want to know more of some of these thoughts which I have not been able to cover with more detail.

Seminar on Da Vinci Code

KAIROS RESEARCH CENTRE SEMINAR ON DA VINCI CODE
Venue: Petaling Jaya Evangelical Free Church
Time: 4 May 2006, 8.30 – 10.30 pm

Everybody loves a conspiracy, especially one that involves a fast pace murder thriller and promises to challenge the historical foundations of Christian origins and exposes secrets that will scandalize the Church.
Without doubt, the best seller Da Vinci Code has generated questions that demand a vigorous intellectual response.
Kairos Research Centre will be organizing a public talk to refute the claims of Da Vinci Code with a presentation of the true history of Christian origins and the trustworthiness of the Gospels.

Issues addressed include the following:
- Fiction and Truth in a Post-Modern age
- The Historical Jesus and the Reliability of the Gospels
- The Development of Early Christian Doctrines and the Challenge of Gnosticism

The Panel Speakers are:
Ms Wong Ming Yook – Formerly Lecturer in the English Department of University Malaya and currently a free lance writer.
Rev. Wong Fong Yang – Pastor of City Discipleship Presbyterian Church
Dr. Ng Kam Weng – Research Director of Kairos Research Centre.

Admission Free. All Welcomed.
See link to Kairos Research on the right panel.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Prayer of Lament

The Psalms are full of laments but yet when was the last time you found yourself expressing lament during a worship service and even have an entire service based on it. It was a moving experience as we offered up our lament, individually and corporately. This was the series of prayers written by one of the students who led us in prayer. I found it very powerful and moving. Totally in tune with this season of Lent.


Opening Prayer


Maybe we did something wrong
We used to feel you
Impression on our skin,
strong arm wrapped around.

But now it seems
We are alone
With no one to help

Gathered now to listen and speak
We wonder
Will it even matter?

We come here torn up,
Vicious dogs
Depression
envy
Angry thoughts
Ravenous, they eat

We come wounded
we come
Undone
Soul undone
Bones out from their socket
Bodies turning on themselves
Life, crumpled in the corner

We come to you empty
Melted hearts, poured out
Spilling to the ground
Till there is nothing
No one to hold them
But death’s dust
Enemy stares and gloats.

Like this we come,
To a God we cannot see
To scream for help
Fists beating against your chest
Pawing at your sky

Like this we come
Tangled up in deadlines
Too distracted to notice
Drinking from the cup
of success
We do not even care

Like this we come
False ambition
Clothed in contradiction
Yet naked underneath
Bodies pieced apart
Separated from ourselves
We groan

We come numb
Swollen tongue
stuck to the roof of our mouth
fluid of life drains out
As we turn to see there’s no one there

God,
It’s like this that we come
And ask for your help
Spirit come to
Gather up our pains in your heart
Swaddle flailing lives
Swaddle flailing regent
So she can sleep again
At your breast
To know
you are good.


Corporate confession

God
sees underneath
Intentions below the surface
Tears waiting
behind smiles
Doubt accompanying faith

And if you are here,
God,
not far off,
But closer than our own skin,
Surely you have seen
Surely you have seen

When we push our bodies beyond themselves
Satisfying our schedules, rather than stewarding your temple.

In your mercy, forgive us.

When we demand blessing in light of our obedience
Presuming we can earn your favor
When we cheapen your death—as we long for a rule-driven gospel
When we crucify ourselves with self-hate
And pray to a Saviour who we think couldn’t bear to love us,

In your love, forgive us.

When we think we’re more loved or saved than others

Forgive us, and teach us true humility

When we hide from you, behind our knowledge of you
When we think that being united in our love for you, means uniformity in the way we express it,
Forgive us and teach us to learn from each other

When we’re tight-fisted with your money, with our lives

Unclench our fists and make us open-handed. Ready to give, open to receive.

When we keep sorrow in its corner, unsure of a love that could allow so much pain.
Because of your gentleness,
Love us in spite of ourselves.

When we despair of pressing forward
Fearing the fount of miracles has run dry

Hold us.

Hoping against all hope
We pray for the people of the Downtown Eastside

Because of your justice, help us bring peace

For we who struggle to follow,
Constrained by affections for comfort and control

Because of your Kingdom, loose our bonds

And for those of us to whom life has dealt a seemingly final blow
Face to the concrete, too exhausted to move

Because of your tenderness, take us by the hand and raise us up.

Spirit of the Living God,
We invite you
Blaze across our sky
Wring death out of our hearts
And saturate our souls with your breathe, life, faith.

Hoping against all hope
We lay defeat aside
We grab for the corner of your cloak
And wait for a miracle.


Benediction
You, heart peering out from behind yesterday,
Wondering
If you can brave tomorrow;

You, mind racing,
wrapping your story
in should’ves, could’ves, if I’d only

You, created for intimacy,
But too tired to step into it,
soul pacing inside you,
hesitant to show itself;

You,
body worn,
knees in the dirt,
face there, too;

O children of the resurrection
May your soul fling open its windows
To see in the distance
The arm of the lord
Indeed
He has done it
It is finished

Impression on your skin
Spirit piercing your flesh,
driving into your heart
an invitation to dance,
to smile, to hope,
pressing light into your dark,
unclenching your heart
blood of redemption and grace pulsing through dry veins
flooding love into your fears.
He has done it.

So, may wait with one another
truly
He will not hide his face
From you forever
Behold it is very close

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Faith in the Faithful

Some time back I felt the Lord convicting me for my failure to trust him. One of the reasons why I chose to come out here was because I wanted to learn how to trust God. Tired of trusting my own and earthly resources, I desired to see Him meet my needs. I sincerely wanted to be able to say with conviction that He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord my Provider. I lament that I was tired of listening, reading and repeating other people's story of faith and I wanted to have my own, up-to-date testimonies. Then I felt convicted that my action was nothing short of testing Him and had to repent before the Lord. I felt ashamed for my failure to acknowledge His provision through 'natural' means, as if they were not good enough. It was a hard lesson and I had to re-evaluate my theology.

Nevertheless, I must say, God is so very merciful and even condescends to our childish ways. I guess it pleases Him when my desire is to boast of him and there's nothing harder for him to resist than to have his children boast about him! This week has been a real treat as the Lord reminds me he knows my needs and desires to meet them. I've been running low on cheese and was a little reluctant to replenish my stock until I see them on sale at the supermarket. It's no big deal except that I don't think it's worth buying when it is not on sale. Then God send angels who gave me some supply of good quality mozarella cheese!

I'm having a reading break this week and have not been eating dinner with my regular kaki-s (who by the way are leaving to return to Singapore after this term). I was thinking what I'd cook for dinner on my way home, after a whole day at work. Only to find that an angel had come by and left me some Indonesian style mee goreng waiting for me at home. It's a simple delight and blessing. For me, it's great when someone takes you out and buys you a meal, but something else altogether when someone takes the trouble to cook you a meal. I guess the thought counts alot and the effort, of course. Especially when they take into consideration that you might prefer Asian cuisine that is not too spicy and listing the ingredients to check you're not allergic to any of them! For me this is such an expression of love and worth much more than an expensive dining experience, as much as I like those as well.

Does he need to do this to prove he is God and that he is faithful? No. Did he want to peer through my day to surprise me and let me know He thought of me and know my whispered desires? Yes. Does he know I have put in my application to renew my scholarship for next academic year and that am thinking if I should shift out of my current residence in view of the increase of rates next year? Probably. Can he take care of that? Sure he can and this is just a simple assurance that he is in control.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. More than anything, I am led to ponder on His indescribable and infinite love, seen through His passion and death. I invite you to join me to linger at the foot of the cross.

Lord of War

Watched this movie at the campus cinema last night. It was a fund-raising event for West Sudan. Amnesty International was present to campaign for arms control. I was really surprised to see the turn out as students lined up for more than 100m to get their ticket. The cinema at the Student Union Building (SUB) is one of the most dingy and usually there's hardly a queue to get tickets, even on weekends. These Uni students really made their way in support of this cause. It was very encouraging, considering that this generation is usually associated with apathy. The organisers were very affirming and kept reminding the group that each person counts and can make a difference. They also organised an after movie drink at the pub to discuss the movie. These kids pay for both the movie (which is really sponsored so that all proceeds go to Amnesty International) and the drink session.

You probably think, what am I coming to? First environmental issue, now arms control. Well, I suppose this is part of my learning experience; learn to be concerned with issues around me, beyond my little world and tiny circle of concerns. I don't know how many Christians were there last night but I believe not too many. Yet I won't be surprised if not too few there were. I met some folks here who are very politically aware and even in some churches, you can't escape these issues. Of course there are also Christians who only think in very limited scope and have no idea what's happening outside the church walls. But I dare say we can do with more churches and Christians actively engaging in such issues.

It's a fantastic movie, with a powerful story and fast paced. Based on facts, it bears a profound message... that the real weapons of mass destruction is not nuclear armoury but small handheld arms trafficked illegally, both by arm dealers and even world governments! It is scarily true. The opening scene is very memorable and reminds me one of those essays (karangan) I had to write when I was in primary school - "If I were a ..... (an inimate object)". The soundtracks are great and haunting, and can be heard on the movie's site. Violent? You bet. Nicholas Cage plays a villain - first time as far as I recall. Here you watch what how one moves from denial to justification when dealing with sin. We do this so often that we rarely stop to think about it. In the end, sin has its price. Ethan Hawke plays the role of the interpol agent who seeks to use the law to bring about justice and refuse to compromise his own sense of uprightness to achieve this.

Link to the Lord of War movie site.
Find out how you can make a difference - Amnesty International.