Reading and Reflection

This season of Lent has been a period of reading and reflection. I can see the goodness of God so real; it’s almost scary. It is as if He’s given me an answer for every question that ran through my mind, almost randomly (to me at least).

In my previous blog I mentioned that the Lord has been dealing with the issue of unresolved anger and only to find myself in a talk addressing this very topic. Another thing that has been bugging me is the whole process of conversion and evaluating my own salvation, and I've been asking myself some hard questions about the disparity I see in myself. I guess this has been something that has been playing on my mind for a while, and it kind of hit me hard again these few weeks. My readings lead me to C. S. Lewis, the Pilgrim’s Regress, where he shares of his own conversion journey. I had questions about the church and tried to reconcile what I see in church and how the Bible describes us. It’s painful looking at the failures of the church as a whole and I wondered if there’s hope. I am currently reading Philip Yancey’s Soul Survivor: How Thirteen Unlikely Mentors Helped My Faith Survive the Church! It’s has been very uplifting and helps me reconsider the questions I have been asking and the basis from which I form my questions and evaluations of these issues. Sometimes it feels kind of lonely in the face of such self-doubts and I wonder if I’m the only one mad enough to be bothered by such questions and trying to search for meaning. Only to find the Lord bringing me to a hosts of writers and thinkers who’ve gone before me, struggled with similar issues and left notes of their musings. I am indebted to their honesty and thoughtful insights… and there are no simplistic answers.

Most of the closest friends I’ve made here will be leaving at the end of this term, or at the end of summer. Can’t help feeling a hint of loneliness, even though I remind myself there are still others who are around. Again, guess what? Last week, I attended a lecture given by Dr James Houston on ‘Surviving the Continent of Loneliness’! Not only that, the Lord allowed me to spend a few hours with a like-minded friend, going for a long walk, good conversation and having tea together. To be able spend such extended time sharing with a friend for me is a real luxury and priceless gift. I feel as if the Lord’s telling me He knows every thought that troubles me, hears all my unuttered prayers and understands my needs and deepest longings. He is as close to me as my breath. And just to make sure I don't miss it, He’s made it loud and clear on several occasions just in the span of these past few weeks! How do you say Thank You to such an attentive and loving Heavenly Father? Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!