Some time back I felt the Lord convicting me for my failure to trust him. One of the reasons why I chose to come out here was because I wanted to learn how to trust God. Tired of trusting my own and earthly resources, I desired to see Him meet my needs. I sincerely wanted to be able to say with conviction that He is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord my Provider. I lament that I was tired of listening, reading and repeating other people's story of faith and I wanted to have my own, up-to-date testimonies. Then I felt convicted that my action was nothing short of testing Him and had to repent before the Lord. I felt ashamed for my failure to acknowledge His provision through 'natural' means, as if they were not good enough. It was a hard lesson and I had to re-evaluate my theology.
Nevertheless, I must say, God is so very merciful and even condescends to our childish ways. I guess it pleases Him when my desire is to boast of him and there's nothing harder for him to resist than to have his children boast about him! This week has been a real treat as the Lord reminds me he knows my needs and desires to meet them. I've been running low on cheese and was a little reluctant to replenish my stock until I see them on sale at the supermarket. It's no big deal except that I don't think it's worth buying when it is not on sale. Then God send angels who gave me some supply of good quality mozarella cheese!
I'm having a reading break this week and have not been eating dinner with my regular kaki-s (who by the way are leaving to return to Singapore after this term). I was thinking what I'd cook for dinner on my way home, after a whole day at work. Only to find that an angel had come by and left me some Indonesian style mee goreng waiting for me at home. It's a simple delight and blessing. For me, it's great when someone takes you out and buys you a meal, but something else altogether when someone takes the trouble to cook you a meal. I guess the thought counts alot and the effort, of course. Especially when they take into consideration that you might prefer Asian cuisine that is not too spicy and listing the ingredients to check you're not allergic to any of them! For me this is such an expression of love and worth much more than an expensive dining experience, as much as I like those as well.
Does he need to do this to prove he is God and that he is faithful? No. Did he want to peer through my day to surprise me and let me know He thought of me and know my whispered desires? Yes. Does he know I have put in my application to renew my scholarship for next academic year and that am thinking if I should shift out of my current residence in view of the increase of rates next year? Probably. Can he take care of that? Sure he can and this is just a simple assurance that he is in control.
Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. More than anything, I am led to ponder on His indescribable and infinite love, seen through His passion and death. I invite you to join me to linger at the foot of the cross.
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