Let go .... let God be God

The Lord has really been speaking to me about letting go and to trust Him. It’s been pretty tough and I’m glad to have a friend here to help me process some of the crazy stuff that runs through my mind. So much fears to deal with and have been plagued by doubts. Perhaps it has something to do with spending too much time in my room, just working on my assignments. It does not help that the weather has been so lovely, bright and warm … makes me wanna go out and play! Anyways it's really about surrendering to God and letting Him take control of my life. There is no way I can make this Christian life by my own effort and I’m tired of trying. I'd much rather give my life over to Him and ask Him to take over the driver’s wheel. Why is it so hard to trust Him? It’s not as if I can trust myself!

The Lord showed me a picture of me getting up a bus (must be because I do that a lot here), carrying all my baggage. When I’m on the bus, I continued walking as if I needed to do something to get me to the destination of God’s promises and purposes! I still carried the baggages of fear and anxiety, reluctant to put them down. Then I looked for a map and tried to figure out how we're going to get there. When the bus goes through certain sections, I queried why we took this route and offered suggestions of alternative routes to the bus driver, which in this case is Jesus Himself! I’m so busy, so tired by my own doing. And then the Lord turned to me and gently told me – 'Cheryl, trust Me.' Today I felt the Lord asking me again, as I was doing the cleaning – 'Cheryl, have I ever failed you?' It’s no coincident that all the songs that Alex put in the IPod shuffle that he, Fabian and Yi Mei gave me, are all along the lines of putting my trust in Him. I am very grateful for them. It was like a long play worship session and they really ministered to me.

Well, it’s time to sit back and enjoy the ride. Don’t want to miss out the fun. Not knowing or being in control is part of the adventure. Some parts may be rough and I need to listen when He tells me to hang on. Other times, I simply rest in knowing that He’s taking me there and that I am completely safe in His hands! I thank God that He understands my fears and knows my anxiety. He does not judge me for them but offers to exchange them for an easy yoke and a light burden. What a glorious exchange. I thought I signed up for graduate school but the lessons I am learning is back to Foundations 100! Whether it is walking on water or trusting Him to supply all my needs, the bottom line is the same – I’ve got to get my eyes of the storm and keep my eyes on the Lord.

Postcript: I understand this may not be a side of me that many know about. Sorry if it came as a shock! You've been warned. This blog is not for the faint hearted.

Good Work-out

Finally reached the end of the week. I took up a part-time position in my residence which basically involves cleaning of rooms as people check out and preparing rooms for check in. During the summer rooms are rented out to short term guests, not unlike a hotel. Only difference these are full facility units, including 2-bedroom townhouses. So there’s a lot more cleaning to be done. Although I’ve only worked less than 30 hours this week (including Saturday and Sunday ), it’s been pretty exhausting. On top of that I still put in the necessary hours to work on my assignments, which means staying up until 3am or waking at 6am to get some work done before I start my part-time job. Well, it is no Maid in Vancouver fairytale but it’s a lot more real – pay is good. It’s quite an experience.

Initially I thought I could manage it since I don’t have any classes and it's just withing the building. But after working from 10am- 8pm on my first day, I was simply too knocked to do any studying that night! So decided I’d just do it for this week and I’m glad it’s over. After a long day of work, I’m relieved the guys have offered to prepare dinner as it is pay back time for Michael who’s just finished his very extremely hectic Hebrews crash course few days ago. He’s been joining us for Sunday dinner but not been able to help with the preparation or stay too long. So dinner will be at his apartment unit tonight – we’ll have the place to ourselves since his roomies have all moved out!

Wasn’t able to go to church today but managed to attend mass yesterday evening in a Catholic church. Yup, you heard that right….makes the church visitation round complete by visiting different traditions! But the service was too short. We (Daniel joined me) were slightly late, trying to find the church and it was over in 45 minutes. Without any bulletin, it was hard to follow the liturgy which everyone else had no trouble knowing how to respond, when to sit or stand, etc as if they've all been so well-programmed! I thought about it and figured that’s probably how some may feel when they walk into my church back home. People know when to lift up their hands, clap, say Amen, sing in tongues, etc. as if we’re all very well-programmed!

Hear ye, hear ye

As you'd notice, I've finally changed the song on my blog. It's a familiar song and may bring to mind the trailer for 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy'. My apologies to those who listen to radio streaming when checking my blog. I hope you can disable it although I admit I've not figured out how to do that for my browser. I've also allowed for comments by non-bloggers. So feel free to drop me a line if you are up to it. Will try to update my blog more often.

Been here 1½ month and have received all sorts of news from home. The sudden and tragic death of a young lady friend whom I've known from my youth. Besides KL, this news came to me from New Zealand, Hong Kong and Australia. It is very sad. Then a couple who is very dear to me informed me they've broken off. Another has just began a brand new relationship, which will be maintained long distance. 2 engagement announcements from good friends. There were breakthroughs in the workplace for others. One who has remained faithful despite being in a very corrupted environment. God vindicated recently by opening a door to a fantastic job offer. Another who has been longsuffering and remained submitted to a very unreasonable and insecure superior for an extended period of time. Made things very difficult even though both were holding senior positions. Only to suddenly receive news that the company had dismissed the boss when they discovered a huge and costly mistake committed by him. Unbelievable turn of events. Indeed they will testify that the battle belongs to the Lord.

That's life. You cry with those who weep, rejoice with those who laugh, comfort the broken and celebrate the victories. Ultimately it leads me to worship and acknowledge that God is very much alive and actively working in our world. I don't always understand and since He is God, He may or may not choose to explain. I don't get to decide that but I can choose to trust Him. And this I do because I think to myself, He is God and I am not.

Student Life

Visited West Point Community Church on Sunday. The main church is located about 10 minutes away on the bus and they have recently planted an outreach here in the campus. Sunday was the first of their combined meeting held here in the campus, just across the road from College. It was an outdoor service, held on the church lawn, followed by a mission fund-raising barbecue! That’s summer for you over here. Pretty cool experience … I mean a pretty hot experience!

I’ve just finished my courses for summer school. Four courses in five weeks! Last week especially was the most intensive. Had a class with Dr Cherith Fee Nordling (Dr Gordon Fee’s daughter) in the morning from 8am, and followed with Dr Gordon Fee until almost 4pm. A full dose of Fee! The class with Dr Cherith on Contemporary Theology was very ‘enlightening’ as I was introduced to different ideologies of liberation theology and feminist theology. It was interesting to observe how the students interact and see the effects post-modern thought even in our discussions. My friend who also attended the class and I, could sense how important it is for people in North America to be political correct. People get very defensive if you are not careful in presenting your point of view and convictions. It’s a scary thought considering we're supposed to be a group of evangelicals sitting in the same class discussing about theology! I was wondering if we were the Nicene Council, whether we'd have a common platform for discourse!

These few weeks have been amazing – it’s like a chunk of my library has just been come to life and ‘became flesh’ as I met people like Dr Gordon Fee, Prof Bruce Waltke (both sat in the committee to translate the Today’s NIV), Tremper Longman III (part of the translation committee for New Living Translation), Luci Shaw (author of Water My Soul), Paul Stevens (author of Seven Days of Faith) and many others. The next few weeks will be dedicated to finishing up assignments, reading requirements, with papers to write and take home exams to study and sit for. It’s no play-play business.

We have been keeping up with our Sabbath ritual of having dinner together on Sunday, between Michael, Daniel and I - so it’s a Trinitarian meal now that Betty has returned to Singapore. The menu has been improving too. Served mushroom spaghetti with broccoli and chicken (Daniel helped with the chicken). I think Daniel is adamant to see me a cook a complete meal before he returns to Singapore! Then he’ll consider that I’ve graduated.

Summer in Vancouver is very happening. 1 July was Canada Day and 1 Aug is British Columbia Day. So these 2 weeks is the fireworks competition season with different nations coming to display their fireworks presentation. Only thing is they have to start at 10.00 pm because the sky is still too bright even at 9.30pm! I went for a walk last week and chanced upon an outdoor garden chamber music concert just a few minutes from my apartment! So sat there in the beautiful garden environment listening to the quintet playing flute, clarinet, bassoon, oboe and French horn. People pack their dinner, bring a mat or their garden chair to enjoy the music – one or two, even with their dogs! This week marks the start of Vancouver Music Festival so will be packing my lunch and checking out some free classical music gigs downtown. Should be fun.

p/s: Life of a student is not very interesting. This is for those who've been complaining that I've not been keeping up with my Blog - I'm sorry if you think it's full of boring details.