Let go .... let God be God

The Lord has really been speaking to me about letting go and to trust Him. It’s been pretty tough and I’m glad to have a friend here to help me process some of the crazy stuff that runs through my mind. So much fears to deal with and have been plagued by doubts. Perhaps it has something to do with spending too much time in my room, just working on my assignments. It does not help that the weather has been so lovely, bright and warm … makes me wanna go out and play! Anyways it's really about surrendering to God and letting Him take control of my life. There is no way I can make this Christian life by my own effort and I’m tired of trying. I'd much rather give my life over to Him and ask Him to take over the driver’s wheel. Why is it so hard to trust Him? It’s not as if I can trust myself!

The Lord showed me a picture of me getting up a bus (must be because I do that a lot here), carrying all my baggage. When I’m on the bus, I continued walking as if I needed to do something to get me to the destination of God’s promises and purposes! I still carried the baggages of fear and anxiety, reluctant to put them down. Then I looked for a map and tried to figure out how we're going to get there. When the bus goes through certain sections, I queried why we took this route and offered suggestions of alternative routes to the bus driver, which in this case is Jesus Himself! I’m so busy, so tired by my own doing. And then the Lord turned to me and gently told me – 'Cheryl, trust Me.' Today I felt the Lord asking me again, as I was doing the cleaning – 'Cheryl, have I ever failed you?' It’s no coincident that all the songs that Alex put in the IPod shuffle that he, Fabian and Yi Mei gave me, are all along the lines of putting my trust in Him. I am very grateful for them. It was like a long play worship session and they really ministered to me.

Well, it’s time to sit back and enjoy the ride. Don’t want to miss out the fun. Not knowing or being in control is part of the adventure. Some parts may be rough and I need to listen when He tells me to hang on. Other times, I simply rest in knowing that He’s taking me there and that I am completely safe in His hands! I thank God that He understands my fears and knows my anxiety. He does not judge me for them but offers to exchange them for an easy yoke and a light burden. What a glorious exchange. I thought I signed up for graduate school but the lessons I am learning is back to Foundations 100! Whether it is walking on water or trusting Him to supply all my needs, the bottom line is the same – I’ve got to get my eyes of the storm and keep my eyes on the Lord.

Postcript: I understand this may not be a side of me that many know about. Sorry if it came as a shock! You've been warned. This blog is not for the faint hearted.