A Safe Place

Do I feel safe to share my thoughts and feelings? I know that degree of safeness really depends on the level of relationship. Sharing my thoughts is one thing. Sharing my feelings is another. Sharing my dreams, my joy and my pain... now that's a totally different thing.

Recently I was chatting with my friend and it dawned on me that while I'm quick to offer my opinions, that I'm really not comfortable sharing my feelings with others. I find it harder with people whose opinions matter a lot to me. It's odd I suppose, because those are the people who would really care to know what I am really thinking or feeling. I guess I need to know that you are willing to listen, emphatise and would not judge me - before I would be willing to share with you. Basically I have to trust the person to handle my heart with care if I'm gonna share it. If I have any doubts about that, you can bet you will not be able to get anything much more than opinions from me. It takes time for me to get into issues and go deeper into my soul. Thus if I sense you don't have time, I would most probably not open up and keep things on the surface. Since I'm hardly at a lost for words, many people don't feel that there's any trouble getting anything out of me. The truth is they may think they know me. Only those who know me well will know better.

It takes wisdom to an extent to know what to share with whom. However my friend challenged me that I should not always process too much of what I want to say before saying it. Some things need to be said as it is for it to have its full impact. I find that extremely tough. I am trained to measure and test all my words because words have tremendous implications, legally or otherwise. I need time, lots of time, to weigh my words, the tone, the facial expression and everything else before saying what's in my heart. Of course by the time it is actually communicated, it lacks the passion and intensity of all the emotions that I initially felt when I wanted to say it. However the mode of communication must be taken into consideration. I would take hours to draft an email because I know it's going down in black and white. In the absence of facial expressions, intonations and body language, much miscommunication can take place.

I am mindful of the need to carefully express my thoughts so that the message gets across clearly. I don't trust myself to say the right things or say what I mean to say in the right way, ie. in a way that I will not be misunderstood when I'm very emotional about a certain issue. Someone once said (you've heard this phrase from me before because I feel strongly about not taking credit for ideas that are not originally mine!) - When emotions are up, intelligence goes down!

Frankly I think it takes courage to share what you really want to say. It takes wisdom to communicate it in a way that sends your message across clearly. It takes compassion to say it in a way that others can receive it.