Picking on Pride

Pride is a really sneaky enemy. I think it's the hardest to tackle and is the root for many other sins. It's like having your shadow as your enemy. Most of the time you barely notice it sticking it's ugly head out. Just to illustrate my point. I like it when I get things right or when I'm good at something. I like it better if people know about it. The best would be if people discovered I'm right/ good at something and I didn't have to tell them myself! Sounds familiar? Someone used to say that I am not only proud, but I'm proud to be proud. So sad right? No feelings of remorse. It's not exactly a great testimony I know. Recently I had a glimpse of my pride in action and no, I'm not proud of it. I'm ashamed of it but it only goes to show how slippery it is to watch over our own soul, and impossible without the help of the Holy Spirit.

There's a Regent student here from Malaysia whom I found to be pretty impressive when I first got here. He's about my age, brilliant student (academic scholarship), studied writing under Chaim Potok (a reknown Jewish author) and used to work as a journalist for AP (an international news distributor). Led a pretty interesting life basically and he was the Teaching Assistant (TA) for my first course, Old Testament Theology, with Prof Bruce Waltke. It is generally agreed that this was a pretty tough course (yes, I was being a little ambitious) and he grades the papers for this course! In summary, I think that's a WOW combination. Anyways, I think subconsciously I wanted to impress him too. Before you get any ideas, he's married. I guess I did a pretty a good job ;P Recently a common friend told me that this guy had commented how quite a few people had struggled with that course and didn't get more than a C grade. Thus I should take it as a compliment for him to have awarded me a B+, and considering this was the first course I took in Regent.

Then just the other day, over dinner, he made a remark that made me want to laugh. After discovering that I was not good at eating spicy food, he exclaimed "I finally found a flaw in you!" Obviously he was joking. He was simply aghast to discover a fellow Malaysian who is not good at handling spicy food. I could not help laughing to myself at his remark because it is apparent that he does not know me very well. My flaws are huge and numerous, one gotta be blind to miss them or blatantly ignore them! We went on later to talked about my interest in Christian Spirituality and the spiritual retreats I used to take even when I was back in KL. He didn't expect that kind of stuff to come from someone who works as a pastor in FGA, and was further impressed perhaps! ;) I can see he is discovering how I do not fit the conventional 'moulds'. As my young friend said, I take pride in that too!

I am not trying to make a big deal about the above story but I think it does reveal the proud and deceitful nature of the heart; of my heart. How often do I do things because I want to impress others, including people I don't really care about? This can be achieved in a myriad of ways and the worst part is when it is guised with spirituality and false humility. The long queues, lining up in the rain outside shops like Salvatore Ferragamo on Boxing Day Sale, made me wonder the extent we are willing to go to impress our neighbours. I believe people do not purchase these products for that reason alone and that these products do bear excellent designs and workmanship, but I am uncertain if the former considerations do not play a big part too. Some go out on a limb to impress people they don't really know and maybe don't even like!

The Bible says that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom; and the fear of men, a snare. I don't think it is easy for us to humble ourselves. But nevertheless we must not cease to wage war against Pride. With man, it may be impossible but with God, nothing is impossible.