God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

Life is about changes and learning to enjoy the adventure of journeying in life with Him. I can't see what's ahead and have no way of controlling how things will go. I can only trust Him, that He makes all things beautiful in its time.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

You'll Never Walk Alone



There are not many weekends that a Liverpool fan can boast of... especially in this season. Last Sunday was one of those! A 2-1 scoreline is more than what I had hoped for!
Liverpool 2-1 Arsenal


My friend, a Manchaster United fan, had more faith than I had, to believe Liverpool could slay the giants. Needless to say he had his own agenda, hoping the defeat would close the gap between Man United and the Gunners. The results shocked me and as you can well see, I've yet to recover from it. I am proud to say that ManU no longer can boast of being the only ones to defeat Arsenal! It's a hard blow for the Arsenal fans. Both these arch rivals are meeting at the Carling Cup on Thursday morning (KL time) and I can't wait to see the showdown!

By the way, did I mention I enjoy watching football, especially EPL? Support Liverpool and any team that plays against Manchaster United (it's pretty obvious!) Other loves include rugby (international matches) and F1. My favourite person on the rugby and football field usually is the referee! Somehow think they have a very tough job, especially when two strong teams are playing each other. In rugby you can actually hear very clearly the call of foul play and what the exact offence is. So cool! The referee is probably the lowest paid person on the field and most of them do it part-time, out of passion, but he is the fittest of them all, trailing the ball up and down the field to both ends of the goal posts! As for F1, I always look out for pit stops during the races. Think the team has a big part in determining the outcome of the race, and often don't get half the kind of pay and recognition given to the driver. :-(

I guess this just reflects how I feel about people in the background. They are the key to success although not often given the same recognition nor duly remunerated. For every star personality, there is a star team that stands behind their success because you'll never walk alone.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

People should be more -----?

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson.

I once heard a radio deejay ask this... How would you fill in the blanks to this statement "People should be more ____?" My almost instant answer to that was "Expressive"! I'm a firm believer that Love must be expressed. As much as possible, I try to let those I love know how much they mean to me and how much I love and appreciate them. I constantly remind myself that I don't know what tomorrow holds so I cannot afford to take anything or anyone for granted.

At the same time, I tell people not to wait till I die to say nice things about me; there's no point in giving me a fancy eulogy! I much rather hear it whem I'm alive. Yet I must admit that more often than not I find myself not short of negative comments (under the guise of 'constructive remarks') and don't take enough time to affirm those around me. Sigh... I still have lots of learning to do.

A friend commented that the way one filled in the blanks would probably reveal a little of the kind of person they are. So how would you fill in the blanks?

Gift of Life

I am conscious that some who are reading this blog may be discovering a darker and more melancholic side of me. Yes, even the choice of song (for now at least) reflects that ... 'All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray'! For someone who is normally seen as bubbly, totally sanguine in nature and full of life, this may come as a real surprise to some. This is me; the more private and reflective me. Just one who has had a taste of brokenness and learning to come to terms with my own humanity - to some degrees anyways. I am keenly aware and am grateful to acknowledge that I'm constantly at the receiving end of grace, both from Him and others around me. I have had my share of mountain-top and valley experiences in my own journey. I don't know where I will be today if not for Him, who saw me through the dark nights of depression and even being suicidal at some points. Perhaps that's why nowadays I've learnt (and am still learning) to see things differently... that every day is a gift of life to be truly cherished and lived to the full.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Can He be trusted?

Have you ever wanted something so bad and yet when you get it, you fear the worst is yet to come, to the point that you become ambivalent about that subject all together? For example you're hoping to get a dream job and the moment you get it, your mind goes wild about how things can possibly go wrong - like you having to work with the worst set of colleagues possible; being late on your first day; mucking up on your first major project and failing to live up to your employer's expectations? I think it's weird how my mind can play tricks on me and work up my greatest fears, real or otherwise, when I think I've finally got what I've been dreaming for all my life. I guess that's just normal anxiety working up... or is it a sign that I don't trust God to give me what I really want with no strings attached?! To be honest, I don't know. I don't believe God is out there with an agenda to sabotage my life but I guess I'm not totally confident that I deserve such a good deal... therefore certainly something must be wrong with it.

I'm not naive to think that life should or will be smooth sailing, but am I sufficiently confident that God is and will be for me? If so, then I know that I really have nothing to fear. Whatever that lies ahead of me, I will be able to overcome it with God by my side. I'm not expecting life to be a bed of roses but do I trust Him to take me through all that lies ahead, the good, the bad and the ugly? It's hard when you're stepping out to the unknown. I am reminded that my source of hope and confidence lies in God's word and His faithfulness. He's proven Himself to be so faithful throughout history, in my own life (short as it may be in comparison) and in the lives of those around me. He's never failed those who love Him. I am counting on that.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Honestly speaking

I've recently let my friends in on this blog. It's a little scary because I initially did not write for that purpose. Will letting it go public affect the way I blog? I hope not. I honestly doubt it will not have any effect or that it will make no difference. I think it's only human to be affected by what people think of us, especially if they are people whom we consider important. People have as much power and influence over me as I 'allow' them; their views matter to me only as much as they matter to me! Yet I remind myself that ultimately I must live before the audience of the One. His views should outweigh any other person's views in my life - I am still learning.

Blogging can be so addictive. I've always wanted to write although I had no idea where to start. What better way to start than to write on a very familiar topic - myself! I've always admired those in creative fields like musicians, actors, artists, poets, designers, sculptors, etc. Human beings are so amazing to come up with a myriad of ways to express their creativity, reflecting our loving Creator. Among all the different modes, I find that words have been the most effective vehicle for me to express myself. I'm not the finest of writers and am far from proficient. I only hope to record my observations and reflections for this season of my life. I will pen personal experiences (if I think they are worth mentioning); my thoughts and reflections. There will not be many discussions of current events unless I think I have any original idea to contribute. As much as possible, I'll stay away from mentioning people by name, and if I really have to, it will not be without their prior permission. Quotes and ideas drawn from other authors will be given due credit, where possible.

The whole exercise of putting pen to paper (today keybard and screen) has been most therapeutic. If fellow pilgrims can find any encouragement from these jottings, that'll be great. Whatever it is, I will continue to write, honestly and authentically, from the depth of my heart.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Beauty or Beast

Being a visually-oriented person, I have a keen eye for things of beauty. Ranging from artistic expressions to beautiful landscapes, I am naturally looking out for objects which are aesthetically appealing. I noticed this especially when I attended a symphony orchestra. While I enjoy listening to classical music, the impact from the experience of watching a group of musician play in unison to create music is beyond what any CD can ever reproduce!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Is beauty limited to visual attractiveness? That's what the world and media would like us to believe. Why? Because this makes great commercial opportunity for those seeking to capitalise on our fear of not being attractive, which is equated to being unlovable.

I have had a hard time convincing my friends that they are beautiful, especially ladies (the guys are trying hard to convince me they are!) I have no intention of lying or flattering them. If only they can see what an amazing creation they are. It is obvious that God has great sense of taste and I tend to agree with His taste. That's all. It may take a deeper observation, but I believe there's beauty in each of us, if we'd only look hard enough and focus beyond external appearances. This is true beauty. Beauty which will not fade but only grow with time.

I've always struggled with my looks and never liked what I saw in the mirror when I was growing up. It did not help that this was confirmed by the feedback I received from the people around me. I wasn't keen to hang out around beautiful-looking people, by which I mean those who are tall, slim, with smooth complexion, fair skin and pretty face. It is not possible to get the whole world to like you but life is almost unbearable if you don't like yourself. I thank God for His healing and through the years, have learned to accept who God made me to be. I can now look at so-called "beautiful" people without thinking that I'm a lesser being. More than that, I've learned to appreciate true beauty. By that I refer to a loving and compassionate heart, godly character, humble and gracious spirit, a person filled with joy, hope and peace.

Perhaps some may feel that this is merely an attempt to console myself...

Still I'm always looking out for beauty ... and I invariably find what I look out for.

Source of joy or source of pain?

In life, there are often more than one way to look at a situation. Sometimes they are both sides of the same coin. At other times, we never know how a turn of event can change our view of things. I need to maintain a positive outlook; it will determine whether I see a full glass or an empty glass.


Getting a good spa treatment...source of joy;
Paying a huge bill for it...source of pain.

Having a friend who is patient... source of joy;
He is too laid back and never seem to be on time... source of pain.

A new relationship... source of joy;
Loss of freedom as a single... source of pain.


Having not enough money...source of pain;
Passing up on a bad bargain at a sale...source of joy.

Visit to the dentist...source of pain;
Removal of a toothache...source of joy!

Broke a heel and fell down...source of pain;
Saved by a handsome prince charming...source of joy!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Abandoned Mission

Has it ever occurred to you why Jonah abandoned his mission and ran to Tarshish? If I were to look back in my life, there were many times I've felt like running away from God's assignment or even just walking away from everything... The reasons for doing so have been numerous and varied. Anything from sheeer unwillingness, the sacrifice involved being too great (whether in terms of time, convenience or money) to a lack of confidence (only too often) in my own ability to carry out the task, which I admit merely reflects my lack of faith in God to bring me through.

If I recall correctly however, I don't think it was ever because I was doubtless of God's mercy and grace to spare a group of evil people in the event they were to repent when I'm done preaching to them! An entire nation of 120,000 people turned around in repentance when they heard Jonah's, probably half-hearted, preaching!!

Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it - when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness! "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!"
(Jonah 4:1-3, MSG)

How did Jonah acquire such a deep sense of God's mercy and grace? He was certain of it enough to run away from the assignment and risked incurring God's wrath. Do I share about God's love and compassion with that sort of conviction? Am I as certain of God's mercy when I lay my hands to pray for someone to be healed, especially if I think the person does not deserve God's healing?! Am I half-hearted in my prayers because of my warped idea of God's grace, as if it is something to be earned by my good conduct?

Father, open the eyes of my heart to truly know Your rich love, abundant grace & mercy and Your great compassion. May it be so ingrained in my system that I can't help but let it seep out in every area of my life! Amen.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Cool Cars

I learned another trick... to put more than 1 photo on a single blog!! Love this.


BMW X5


Volvo XC90


Porsche Cayenne

Seek and you shall find

I love cars. Beautiful cars. Cars which I consider beautiful anyways. Have you ever noticed how certain model of cars seem to 'appear' everywhere just because you've taken a fancy for them? I have. My current top 10 list includes the BMW X5 and Volvo XC90 - they seem to cross my path almost daily and these are not exactly the common models for those brands of car. I am learning that our mind is very powerful indeed. It will spot things that are familiar to us and especially things we are looking out for, albeit unconsciously. I noticed this in church when I seem to keep 'bumping' into people once I've been introduced to them, while I never knew they existed before even though we've been attending the same church for years! That's why I believe we ALWAYS find what we 'look out' for.

That got me thinking. Is that why I tend to find certain traits in people, when others may not even notice, be it positive or negative? Is it then any surprise that I should find what I'm looking for?! Traits that I find irritating have an amazing way of standing out, like a tour guide waving a red flag - can spot it from a distance! More often than not, the negative traits are much more obvious than the positive ones. It is a very sad state. It is even sadder because I know this critical and judgmental attitude really stems from pride and in God's opinion, pride stinks.

The best gift I can offer to another fellow human being (even more so for a fellow Christian) is Grace. These are some ways I can think of to extend Grace:
- look out for positive traits in each person.
- give them the benefit of the doubt when they seem to portray a negative trait.
- do not jump to conclusion that it is a character flaw unless they consistently prove themselves to be so, over and over again, until it is beyond a shadow of doubt. Unless and until then, their innocence shall be assumed!
- Even if they have met the standard of proof, constantly remind myself, that all things are possible with God.

So help me God! I need Your grace more than ever before.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Mind of the Heart

Have you ever noticed how your mind and your heart don't always jive in harmony? Logically I know what I should do and how I should behave but I don't always succeed. That's because my heart does its own thinking apart from the mind, as if the heart has a mind of its own! Our entire life's emotional experience is stored in the memory of our heart. That's probably why some people who've been injured emotionally have certain behavioural patterns that they might not even be conscious of or if they consciously try to change, find it hard to or probably revert to it, when they're not paying attention.

Most of the time, I operate from my conscious and logical level (a real surprise for those who think that a rational woman is an oxymoron!) but I've also made decisions at the gut level or intuitively. I can't explain it or at least, can't prove scientifically at the point of deciding how I 'know' one decision would be a better one than another. Yet I have learned to trust and follow my instincts, which is right, more often than not.

I am inclined to think that it's just as, if not more, crucial to train our hearts (than our mind) to think correctly. I'm a cognitive person by nature and prefer to figure things out mentally before I am able to accept and embrace a new idea. But I believe I should work to train my heart to think according to God's principles and truth, as much as I work on my mind to correct my thinking if not more.

The essence of our being is really our heart rather than our mind. Our values, attitudes, even faith and fear are all issues related to our heart. I believe God works in our physical, emotional and mental being, in order that we have a change of heart - which is the thing that really counts in His eyes!

I am obliged to my teachers for their ideas which are have contributed to these thoughts. They are Ps A. R. Bernard in his message entitled Memory of the Heart and Dallas Willard in his excellent book, Renovations of the Heart.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Christmas Mood?


Winter reminds me of Christmas

I love Christmas. This is definitely my favourite season of the year. It's been raining and the weather has been nice and even cold in the evenings. Really puts me in the Christmas mood. I know it's a silly romantic sentiment and have no connection whatsoever with the real meaning of Christmas. But what the heck, enjoy it nevertheless.

Anyways I am thrilled to have learned a new 'trick' and put up this this pretty photo on my blog all by myself! Decided to keep this blog short and light- hearted. Will take a break from my philosophical reflections!

It's a nice date today - 11/11/2004!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Love that won't let go

Sometimes life seems overwhelming. What do I do at those times? Well, I cry a little. Then I pray and I pray... and I wonder if God is listening! At times, there's not a lot more that I can do except to wait. Wait for the next thing to happen, for the situation to settle, for things to change or even worse, for people to change! I want to know if God is in still in control of the situation; if He's doing anything about it; if He is going to come through for me.

However more often than not, I end up taking control of the situation and doing what I can to bring forth the results I desire, hardly giving any thought of what His desired results are in those situations.

Yet He bears with me; with my impatience and lack of faith. He understands that I am but a weak vessel and shows me His grace nevertheless. He still comes through and does not hold it against me for taking things into my own hands. O you of little faith! I can almost hear Him say. The thing that amazes me most is the fact that He still manages to work out His will in my life and nothing can make Him give up His work on me! I don't deserve such mercy and grace. Don't ever let go, Lord!

Father, help me to extend the same grace to others who are faltering and fumbling along their journey at times when life seems overwhelming. How easy it is for me to feel that they can do better and demand that they should! Open my eyes to see that in the same way Your love will never let them go ... but will be faithful to complete the work You've begun in each of our lives!