First weekend

In short, it's been a fun weekend. Checked out the International Jazz Fest and this was the 20th Anniversary, so it was good. Had over 20 bands lined up last weekend... all free! Got a free summer collection CD from HMV. Held at Gastown, a lovely sidewalk which is an old part of town. Very pretty and buzzing street party. Then went out to Kits beach which was the Kitslano 100 Year Bash. It's a Greek festival so can see lots of happening things along the main street. To me, it looked like a scene from the movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'.

Went to church on Sunday (must report this lah...) and met with some of Alex's friends, including Maria who was my coursemate in Singapore when I studied at City Harvest School of Theology. She's been living here most of her life and only went back to Singapore that year and completed a year of bible school. So it was such a chance that we could meet then and only to find our paths cross again here. It's a small world after all. Of course my mum is totally impressed that I'm so connected! Church was good, especially loved the worship led by Israel (yeah, he has a cool name), one of Alex's best buddy. Had lunch with the pastor and his family (young Chinese couple) and another couple. Church is made up of about 25 odd people, mainly in their 20s but most of them are married or soon to be. I might check out some other churches before settling down.

Otherwise, I've got quite a number of things lined up for this week and next. Did the Museum of Anthropology tour yesterday (free on Tues), will visit the Vancouver Art Gallery tomorrow and signed up for 2 prayer retreats, one of which is with Dr James Houston. Looking forward to them. All these on top of my super heavy workload with Prof Bruce Waltke. Although I'm only taking 2 credits, I feel like there's so much to cover. But it's all good. Of course not forgetting there's weekly lunchtime concerts right here in the College... yesterday was a jazz quartet. Chapel was lovely today with a violin, flute and bugle accompanying the piano. Yes, for those who are getting to know me, I love all these cultured, artistic, and etc thingy... In the meantime, I am meeting people and making new friends. Met a girl from DUMC who came in Dec last year. I know her Pastor in DUMC and so made it easier to make the connection.

I must confess I bought 2 books... not textbooks. They were on 50% discount - how to resist? But will try to be more disciplined in this area. One is a journal of a country priets and in the book he mentioned something about how dust and dirt always gathers. Takes no effort on our part and that's part of life. I've been labouring to keep the apartment clean and it's been no help to find it dirty again in no time. I'm not complaining cause it's just my preference to live in a relatively clean environment. Trying not to develop a paranoid against dirt! This reading has reminded me that it's the nature of things to get dirty and it's a losing battle trying to keep dirt away. As long as they are not too dirty, I'll learn to live with it. Can't help also connecting this with us, Christians and the church. It's our nature to get soiled by sin and like children, I should be careful not to expect others or myself to keep away from sin perfectly, all the time. We just have to keep cleaning.... in Christ. Had an opportunity to chat with the Principla of NZ Bible College who shared at chapel yesterday. Students attending the summer course are made up from a wide range in age and from different parts. I met a family while doing the musuem tour and they are here from Sydney just to do a course fo 2 weeks. Folks come from Europe and other parts too. Pretty diverse.

Sleepless in Vancouver… close enough to Seattle

Sigh even without noisy flatmates (yeah they’ve been really sweet since I had a chat with them, individually of course) and with a nice, thick sleeping bag to keep me warm. Temperature drops at night so it’s been rather cold although I go to bed with a sweater. At this point, I must make mention of a wonderful person here who’s been a God-sent angel and a great help me in getting myself settled here so quickly. She’s Lynne Smith, our international students’ coordinator at Regent College. She met me at the airport with the delay and all. She was the one who helped me lugged my luggage (I finally figured out why they call it lug-gage! Or did lug come from the word luggage??) all the way to my apartment, which is located on the ground floor thankfully. Lynne’s been taking very good care of me and the other international students who’ve just arrived. We all got to share our stories at the Orientation the other day and from her story, I can see she has had more than a fair share of painful experiences. I believe that has contributed much to her being such a compassionate and sensitive person. In her busyness and running through her to-do list, you still get the feeling that you’re being treated like a person, better yet a friend… and not a case or client. The sleeping bag I’m using belongs to her who has told me to keep it until after the college retreat next semester. Oh and she’s passing me a quilt next week too!

There’s really much to be thankful for. I’ve been reading Henri Nouwen’s book the ‘Sabbatical Journey’ (only reading material I brought with me), where his journals his sabbatical year. For me, it's not very different from a blog… and he wrote that like some 10 years ago! Now it’s in print and on sale… ummm, who knows what will become of these blogs of mine. Anyways I was reminded of the importance of having a thankful spirit. He demonstrates it in his writing where he is constantly thanking God for day-to-day, simple things. It’s a sure cure to self-pity and prevents depression. And I totally agree.

I’ve also been reflecting on what he says about how our weakness is a gift from God. This I’ve been finding so true, especially today. Before that I must admit that my weakness is something I’ve yet to learn to appreciate. Find it hard just to admit to them, leave alone appreciate them. I tend to look up to people for their strengths and wonder why I can’t be stronger. It’s natural for one to boast (of course under the disguise of false humility) of our strengths and even hope they might be so impressed they’ll be distracted and blinded to our weaknesses. Well, even if I don’t boast of my strengths (I know I like to or better still, get others to help me do so) I don’t think I’ve acquired the habit of boasting of my weakness. In fact I’ve been described as one who’s proud to be proud – really no cure one this type!

Anyways back to what I was saying about weaknesses. It dawned on me that I’ve experienced more grace and shown more compassion when I am weak, compared to when I am strong or in the areas of strength. This is clearly illustrated through some incidents that took place just today. I was going to use the laundry machine when I realized I did not have small change to operate it. I knocked on the door one of the apartments on that floor (which was wide opened!) to see if someone had coins to change. Met a whole group of very nice people and they dug around to come up with a loonie (glad I was not blur about the terms! ;p) Had to get one of them to help let me back into the laundry room to retrieve my set of keys which I had accidentally locked inside! Went on to knock on another lady’s room to get more change (for the dryer)… she was very friendly too. Later I met an elderly Asian couple who taught me to operate the compacting machine for the garbage disposal when they saw me struggling with it. Discovered there’s really a lot of goodwill around and the people I met have been very helpful and friendly. Thus my moment of need created opportunities for me to meet these friendly people and be a recipient of the grace. I would have completely missed it if I was too proud to ask for help or insist that I must be self-sufficient. It can be a bit humbling to be on the receiving end and being a Chinese, this is not a popular idea.

Speaking of receiving grace, I am very grateful for the compassion and love that I received from my friends recently when I went through a very rough time, just a few weeks before I left. It was quite bad where I felt I was incapacitated… having no strength to pick myself up and carry on the journey as I should. I took a step of courage to share this with those closer to me and allow them into my pain. This was not an easy thing for both me and them, as they learned how weak I can be. One of them later admitted to me that he was a little shocked because never thought I’d be so affected. Nevertheless they rallied around me, listened when I needed to vent, gave me a shoulder to cry on, encouraged me, and prayed with and for me. I am very thankful to God for each one of them… for not judging me, but being there for me when I needed them and keeping a tab on me. Brother’s (sister) keepers. Through my weakness, we were drawn closer to one another. I guess discovering my weakness had a way of disarming them (yes, alarming them too). With their love and support, I found the strength I need to keep on walking and not give up.

Thus am I advocating weakness as a virtue and that we should seek to be weak? No. I think we must seek to strengthen our weakness as far as possible. However at the same time, there’s no need for us to be ashamed of it. In fact we can receive it as a gift from God. Our weakness reveals to us our shared humanity and reminds us that bottom-line, we’re really not so different from one another and need each other. Two strong and self-sufficient people probably cannot see a need for anyone and may find it hard to get closer to one another. Our strengths can bring us together only to an extent but our weakness can be the bridge to connect us with others.

p/s: Figured the reason sleep seems to be eluding me is probably the result of jet-lag!

Strive to be different

I've always strived to be different. I think strive is the word. One of the reason I guess it's because I refused to be boxed up and resent it when people try to do so. For example some are fond of making assumptions on what I should be like on the basis of my gender, culture, race, nationality, faith, profession, even personality types. It is so irritating. I can understand if someone simply told me that they prefer if I behaved in a certain manner and gave me sound and reasonable grounds for doing so. I find it hard to accept when someone prescribes a behaviour, which is usually contrary to my current behaviour, and the only justification they give is on one of the above grounds mentioned. For me that's simply not good enough. Who maintains this list anyway? As far as I'm concerned, it's the best kept secret. There's a line you probably are not even aware of until you've crossed it upon which you will be duly informed!

I believe one reason why many of us make assumptions is because it helps us figure out how people operate and try to 'understand' where people are coming from. On the other hand, can it be an unconscious attempt on our part to pressure people to conform to 'the standard'? We dress up our personal preferences under the guise of society's norms. At the end of the day, let's admit it, that many times, it's about keeping MY standards and meeting up to MY expectations. What is the value of such conformity? One that I can think of is it reinforces our beliefs and values when someone behaves as we expect them to. However if they do not fit the bill, do we feel challenged or that our values are being threatened, and thereby we need to 'protect' or defend them? Many hold fast to their expectations and feel good when they are proven right, and conversely, find it distressing when people don't do as they expect.

I admit I am a rare breed - a Chinese, lady (Christian) pastor who is an ex-lawyer, with a personality that is larger than life. I speak my mind freely, love coffee and football, enjoy driving (a little faster than some), am passionate about good books, good movies and good food, almost as charismatic in personality as in my theological position - LOL. These are just some examples. For many I don't fit the mould or traditional categories - the simple reason being THERE IS NO MOULD! Aaahhh... feels good just to get it out of my system. A friend of mine described me as unorthodox. I like the sound of that. I think Jesus was unorthodox. He certainly didn't fit the mould of what the people expected of a Messiah, which they have long awaited for. Of course having said that I am not claiming that I am anywhere as noble as my Master. Just for the sake of discussion and comparison. Martyn introduced me to another term - iconoclast. In a sense, I guess that does describe me. To the point that some feel I am anti-establishment. I guess for me, the focus is not on the establishment as in I do not intentionally set out to rebel against society’s norms but I do believe in submitting everything to Scripture. At the end of the day, all men’s ideas, preferences and practice should be submitted to the authority of Scripture. I will abide (try to anyway) and may even recommend certain behaviour which is not explicitly recommended by Scripture, but will be careful to not give it more weight then is due. It’s one thing to recommend it and explain grounds for doing so, rather than dish it out as prescribed norm.

At the end of the day, I am cautious and conscious of how we are quick to judge one another based on a person’s behaviour, speech, appearance, dressing, activities they are involved in, coupled with factors like gender, culture, race, nationality, faith, profession, even personality types. I suggest we drop some of these assumptions, presumptions and generalised ideas about others, and seek to get to know them as a unique individual. Find out from scratch, take it as face value and do everything we can know to learn about them. Then as much as we can, accept them as they are. We must resist the temptation to box them up, or worse still, pressure them to conform and be just like us! Well, in a sense, I am advocating some sort of change; change in our attitude which I believe will improve the way we relate with one another. My prayer is that we will extend grace to one another to be who we are and to become the best we can be as God has designed and desire us to be. If the world can experience this grace through us, I know they will be drawn to Him. And boy, does the church need much of such grace.

God is looking for unity (in diversity), not uniformity – ‘Purpose Driven Life’, Rick Warren (modified).

p/s: If you're new to my blog, this is just part of my reflection. Hope this did not shock your system too much! ;D It's probably my longest blog thus far.

Love Express-ed

This blog is backdated and long overdue. I want say a special thanks to family and friends for the love, especially just prior to my departure. I cannot thank and include everyone here but do know that you will always be close to heart. Want to specially thank those determined folks who were crazy enough to come to send me off at the airport despite my firm deterrence. You all are very special to me and I hope you know that, no matter where the road leads us… What matters is that we seek to follow His leading and fulfill His purposes for our lives, which primarily is for Christ to be formed in each one of us.
Here are some group photos and poems … will always cherish the memories and friendships!

Sometimes we feel like crying, when life feels like duds
Bitter sweet, the Lord gives the Lord takes away
Take heart, take time, smell the darling flower buds
Heavenly manna,dewing, dropping at my window bay

Divinely chanced paths e'er crossed, soon you're leaving
Learning to fly, may He be the wings beneath your wings
Sister, mentor, encourager, with ringing jocund laughter
Thank you, the Lord forever your tower and comforter
- Stargazers -
31 May 2005

Do take care,
As you go over there.
Don't scare the theologians,
Show them you're not the typical Canadian.
I pray you grow further in the Lord,
Don't ever get bored.
Come on, there's Stanley Park and pretty gardens,
And also Eugene Peterson!
Go do the Malaysia alumni proud,
They really are a crazy bunch that crowd.
And your wonderful advice, pastory though you may not at first seem.
Take care, my friend,
Till the sun shine on your face till we meet again.
- Mary-Ruth -
14 June 2005

At the airport

God help!

That's the shortest prayer I can think of and comes in real handy too. My phantom housemates have decided that 12am is a good time to running in and out of the flat. I think it was the guys... must have done it for like 30 times, between the main door, bathroom and bedroom. Probably kept it up until about 4am! Took the life out of me when I was struggling to go to bed. Boy, believe me all that can be very trying. So I woke up in between to read the bible and this was the verse I was reading: I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe. (Ps 4:8). Great huh?

Met some new students at Orientation this morning. Lovely bunch and a good mix too, with 2 American girls, one local guy (Taiwanese origin), Japanese couple and the 2 Korean guys seniors who showed us around! That's Regent for you. It's a small group at Orientation cause they only do it for those who'd be staying through the year and not for those who only come in to do summer school. A few hundred of them will be coming in just for that! The meeting with the Registrar went ok. Gotta make some tough decisions on my classes for Summer courses. Torn between taking classes that I would be helpful towards my course and those taught by great lecturers who come through only for the summer (the very reason I chose to start in summer in the first place). Umm will have to pray real hard tonight!

Found out that my residence has wifi connection as well. So don't be surprised if you see me online more often... Alex have managed to hook me up with his friends from church here. Will probably check them out tomorrow night or latest by this Sunday. The church is not very near but I think there are people from church who lives near me and can give me a ride. Will see how it goes.

A Whole New World

Arrived in Vancouver around noon 3 days ago (20 June). Thank goodness for a safe flight albeit not without a slight hiccup - second piece of luggage came in with a later flight! Am settling in here quite well. My college and place of residence are located on the grounds of University of British Columbia, very much like University Malaya. So it's sprawling university grounds which is near the city. Have checked out many places around the campus. The swimming pool, cinema, cafeteria, bus terminal, bank, shops and most of the libraries I'd need to use are all within walking distance between my college and where I stay, which is a tremendous blessing. The weather has been so beautiful. Bright and sunny most of the time with some overcast and light showers in between. Very mild and temperatures hover around 20C in the day. The environment around the campus is beautiful and full of lush greenery, which makes walking around here like taking a stroll in the park.

Done my banking, seen the insurance people for my temporary medical insurance and did some grocery shopping. The whole college is wifi connected so that really helps! Yesterday I was introduced to a Malaysian couple in my college, Alvin and Hui Fern. Alvin is my senior but he also lectured for the Spring School recently. His wife is working in the admin dept. They were very kind and we managed to share quite a bit. We know a lot of people in common back home, so kind of heard of each other even before we met. Student orientation begins tomorrow. Scheduled to see the Registrar to discuss on my summer school courses tomorrow as well. Classes will begin next week. Just checked in with the Finance Dept and confirmed that my grant will basically cover my tuition fees for the whole year (i.e. next 2 terms), inspite of the increase in the fees. That is SUPERBLY AWESOME!! Words fail to express my gratitude to Him for His abundant provision. Will still be on a look out job openings within the college, hoping to start this term. Have enquired about a vacancy for next term in the Bookstore, which has such an amazing selection.

The apartment I'm living in is part of a students' residence called St Andrew's Hall. Rest of the flatmates is a Korean girl, a Caucasion blok (think he's name is Earl) and at the moment, an Irish guy who's a summer guest. I think he said his name was Colleen/Colin. Anyways he's here for the summer to look for a job while travelling. That's the only person I've actually seen around the flat and spoken to. Not sure if the Korean girl is out of town but her room is currently being occupied by her friend temporarily (managed to catch a glimpse of the girl today). The other guy I've only caught sight of once and not sure even if he's actually my flatmate. The Administrator tells me the Korean girl and Earl are both residents. So I guess I'll meet them eventually. The thing with guests is they tend not to keep the place very clean, which is odd considering they're more like phantom housemates for now. Don't know when they have the time to mess up the place. Anyways am looking forward to things being more settled after the summer.

Otherwise, am still trying to figure out the currency denominations, especially the coins because they are also known by other names like penny (1 cent), nickle (5 cents), dime (10 cents), quarter (25 cents), loonie (1 dollar) and toonie (2 dollar coin)!! Learning other new things around here, like the term 'Dollar Bills' which simply means 2 for the price of 1. So if you watch a movie on Dollar Bills, then you pay for one ticket and 2 can watch the movie. Transport is pretty expensive. A bus ride costs CAN$2.25 per trip (1 zone) which willl take you all the way downtown. The good part is I can transfer to another ride or even ride all the way back for free if I do it within the time, which is around 1 1/2 hour for 1 zone. However will be getting a travel pass card when term starts in Sept which gives unlimited travel on the different modes of public transport. That includes the tram, which also comes right into the campus. Tax is levied on every single thing here but this is not reflected on the price tag. So that was kind of confusing initially. Tax on goods sold can be anything between 7% to 15%! Car parking is another thing that made my eye popped - a whopping $3 per hour from 7am - 11pm. Average cost of petrol (here, it's called gas) is $1 per litre and this fluctates daily, differing from individual outlets.

So generally settling in ok. In fact many here are surprised at how fast I've managed to figure out my way around. Sorry if you find some of these details boring. Too bad... it's my blog. Just to give those interested an idea on how different things are here. Little things that add up to the cultural adjustment.

The Road Less Travelled

In view of my imminent move to Canada, I'd like to share this poem with all those who've journeyed with me thus far. I appreciate all the support, well wishes and prayers by friends and loved ones. This poem expresses very clearly how I feel although this is more like a well-trodden path rather than the road less travelled. Many have led the way before me and they now cheer me on as I take this step. I am grateful for their loving encouragement that has given me the confidence I needed to step out. Where will this lead to? I don't really know. All I ask is that it will lead me closer towards Him. For the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.


The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- By Robert Frost

Don't be fooled by low moods

I learned a very precious lesson today. Don't be fooled by your low moods. That's it. Simple. Often times our perspective of things is tremendously influenced and affected by the way we are feeling at that moment. Thus all things status quo, life may seem to be unbearably serious and difficult when we are feeling low emotionally. This is so true for me that I thought someone just turned on the lights in my head when I read about this!

I can wake up in the morning feeling so upbeat, confident and happy, that life seems like a breeze, so much fun and I can't seem to get enough of it! However in a matter of hours, I could be hit by something, most probably not too insignificant and my mood can be completely spoiled. If I should decide to take a look at my life at that moment, things can seem pretty bad. If I dwell on it, it can even get depressing. The irony is nothing much has actually changed in my life, except for that incident. But at the point, my perpectives can be so warped that I may decide life is not worth living or feel like every area of my life is falling apart.

Thus the lesson I learned is not to be fooled by my moods. They happen, like any other human condition, and they will pass. It always does. At those low points, I should not try to analyse my life. To do that is emotional suicide. Yes, if I have a legitimate problem, it will still be there when my mood improves and I will be in a better frame of mind to make sound judgment and handle the situation.

This thought was highlighted to me by Richard Carlson, Ph.d, the author of 'Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff'. They have an entire site dedicated to the Don't Sweat series.