There’s really much to be thankful for. I’ve been reading Henri Nouwen’s book the ‘Sabbatical Journey’ (only reading material I brought with me), where his journals his sabbatical year. For me, it's not very different from a blog… and he wrote that like some 10 years ago! Now it’s in print and on sale… ummm, who knows what will become of these blogs of mine. Anyways I was reminded of the importance of having a thankful spirit. He demonstrates it in his writing where he is constantly thanking God for day-to-day, simple things. It’s a sure cure to self-pity and prevents depression. And I totally agree.
I’ve also been reflecting on what he says about how our weakness is a gift from God. This I’ve been finding so true, especially today. Before that I must admit that my weakness is something I’ve yet to learn to appreciate. Find it hard just to admit to them, leave alone appreciate them. I tend to look up to people for their strengths and wonder why I can’t be stronger. It’s natural for one to boast (of course under the disguise of false humility) of our strengths and even hope they might be so impressed they’ll be distracted and blinded to our weaknesses. Well, even if I don’t boast of my strengths (I know I like to or better still, get others to help me do so) I don’t think I’ve acquired the habit of boasting of my weakness. In fact I’ve been described as one who’s proud to be proud – really no cure one this type!
Anyways back to what I was saying about weaknesses. It dawned on me that I’ve experienced more grace and shown more compassion when I am weak, compared to when I am strong or in the areas of strength. This is clearly illustrated through some incidents that took place just today. I was going to use the laundry machine when I realized I did not have small change to operate it. I knocked on the door one of the apartments on that floor (which was wide opened!) to see if someone had coins to change. Met a whole group of very nice people and they dug around to come up with a loonie (glad I was not blur about the terms! ;p) Had to get one of them to help let me back into the laundry room to retrieve my set of keys which I had accidentally locked inside! Went on to knock on another lady’s room to get more change (for the dryer)… she was very friendly too. Later I met an elderly Asian couple who taught me to operate the compacting machine for the garbage disposal when they saw me struggling with it. Discovered there’s really a lot of goodwill around and the people I met have been very helpful and friendly. Thus my moment of need created opportunities for me to meet these friendly people and be a recipient of the grace. I would have completely missed it if I was too proud to ask for help or insist that I must be self-sufficient. It can be a bit humbling to be on the receiving end and being a Chinese, this is not a popular idea.
Speaking of receiving grace, I am very grateful for the compassion and love that I received from my friends recently when I went through a very rough time, just a few weeks before I left. It was quite bad where I felt I was incapacitated… having no strength to pick myself up and carry on the journey as I should. I took a step of courage to share this with those closer to me and allow them into my pain. This was not an easy thing for both me and them, as they learned how weak I can be. One of them later admitted to me that he was a little shocked because never thought I’d be so affected. Nevertheless they rallied around me, listened when I needed to vent, gave me a shoulder to cry on, encouraged me, and prayed with and for me. I am very thankful to God for each one of them… for not judging me, but being there for me when I needed them and keeping a tab on me. Brother’s (sister) keepers. Through my weakness, we were drawn closer to one another. I guess discovering my weakness had a way of disarming them (yes, alarming them too). With their love and support, I found the strength I need to keep on walking and not give up.
Thus am I advocating weakness as a virtue and that we should seek to be weak? No. I think we must seek to strengthen our weakness as far as possible. However at the same time, there’s no need for us to be ashamed of it. In fact we can receive it as a gift from God. Our weakness reveals to us our shared humanity and reminds us that bottom-line, we’re really not so different from one another and need each other. Two strong and self-sufficient people probably cannot see a need for anyone and may find it hard to get closer to one another. Our strengths can bring us together only to an extent but our weakness can be the bridge to connect us with others.
p/s: Figured the reason sleep seems to be eluding me is probably the result of jet-lag!
1 comment:
you still got bejewelled in your Palm, play until u fall asleep!
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