Solitude

Feel like I'm back from the grave. The past few weeks of this semester have been the busiest since I've been here. The amount of work I had to do in terms of studies have been immense. I've written 5 full-size (3,500- 4,000 words) papers in the last 6 weeks on top of having to read a book a weekly and hand in a report for them. It was physically tiring and mentally demanding. This is in light of the fact that I've had a very hectic summer. So am breathing a little easier today. Thank God for His grace that sustained me and kept me. The last paper I had to write was the longest of them but I had no idea how to tackle the paper by last Thu night (which was due 4 days later). Thinking under pressure wasn't helpful and was starting to feel slight panic. Cancelled some appointments and asked for prayers all round. By midnight I could see a cloud in the horizon. It did feel like it came out of nowhere and the thesis emerged with more clarity the following day. This is not the way I like to work and write my papers but someone used to tell me, we don't get to work in ideal conditions, so we do our best with what we're given. God knew this ahead of time and I'm glad I'm not working part-time during this season because I would have not been able to keep it up and still do a good job, both in terms of work and studies.

The last 2-3 weeks have been so intense that I felt like I've been caving or like Jonah in the belly of the fish and feel as if my life has been running on hibernate mode. Doing the absolutely minimum and have had passed up on quite a bit, like public lectures (even one by James Houston), chapel services, alpha meetings and most of my social engagement, even my online appearance was almost non-existent. My friends found it hard to believe and so did I!! But one's gotta do what one's gotta do. So I'm thankful the Lord sustained and His faithfulness in keeping me me through all that. During this time I could not depend on anyone but look to Him. However I am grateful for those who've given me moral and prayer support and even help me work through my initial framework for my paper. I thought I'd be very unhappy about having to give up all that I really enjoyed doing but I guess I was too busy to think about it.

I know that you can't always put life on hold to tackle a crisis so I guess this is a luxury that I have as a full-time student and single person. It does reflect very poor planning and I have to learn to work with my limitations and not to be too ambitious - but I'm a slow learner! Yet I must say this has been a good season of retreat for me from my usual busy social butterfly life. I thought I'd resent this imposed withdrawal but I found myself finding a sense of peace within me. Perhaps I've been too busy to notice it, nevertheless it's a good sign I think to be able to accept it even though I really didn't have much choice. I guess that would be the only way ... probably would not have chosen to do it voluntarily!

Then again with internet I go all over the world through my computer even though I'm stuck to the desk, and that has source of ample distractions. Sigh. Which explains the new look on this blog. A result of boredom ... and like the theme of this blog, it was time for change. Time for more colours and light ... maybe it reflects what's taken place within me. Time for more colours and light in my life, out with the dark and bleak outlook, which I'm prone to in my melancholic moments. It's a step forward I hope ... a change that perhaps took place when I was unawares, and even is still being worked out in me. I don't know and am not in control. I can only wait and see what the Lord is doing in me. In the mean time, the submarine is ready to re-emerge! So look out world - here I come!

I find this new skin refreshing and hope you enjoy it too.