Hurts to Love

Having a heart is a precarious thing. Why does it hurt to love? If you have experienced a heartbreak you know what I mean. Yes, there are joys of love but is the pain worth it? Sometimes the hurt can be so painful that you are paralysed. Incapacitated. It's at this time when you realise how fragile the heart is. Have you ever experience the pain so great that it feels like a physical pain, so sharp that it takes the breath out of you? You can't seem to stop the tears from falling, almost involuntarily. How can any person have so much impact on us? The pain is intense and you wonder if it will ever go away? You pretend you're numb to it and try to move on with your life, but it just won't go away and haunts you every single free minute you have to pause. You're afraid to go home, knowing the pain will only come flooding and practically overwhelm you. You don't want to be with people either because it is too exhausting to keep up with the social obligations and takes too much to maintain a happy countenance. You assure concerned friends that you're ok, getting over it and will be fine in no time, punctuating with a big smile. You go on living, not knowing how long you have the strength to go on this 'existing' mode. You think of the shattered bits of your heart and wonder 'why didn't I protect myself'? Is Love worth all these pain?

One of our lecturers shared at the last chapel for the semester on this Holy Week. He told us of his experience watching his wife deliver his first child. When he raced her to the hospital, he was not prepared for the experience of watching the person he loved most on this earth suffer. She had a very long and hard labour which lasted almost 24 hours. The pain was intense and he felt helpless to remove or alleviate the pain. It nearly killed him to watch her tortured by pain as different waves of labour hit her. His heart was crushed and at one point, remember telling himself that no matter what came out of her... nothing can be worth putting her through all that pain!! But when their first daughter arrived, both their hearts were filled with a tremendous sense of unconditional love that poured out to this tiny little piece of life they were holding. They could not understand it since all she's done so far was cause her mother a lot of pain. Both of them knew that instant all his wife had gone through was worth every bit. I cannot identify with the intensity of those feelings but I could sense his love from his tone, body language and voice, as he shared with us. The next day after the delivery, he felt the Lord speak to him, so clearly that it stopped him in his tracks literally. The Lord told him, 'You know the pain you felt watching the one you love suffer is just a fraction of what I had to go through watching the One I loved suffer to bring life to you and the world. I want you to know that I think you're worth it!'

That touched me to the core. Words fail to express what my heart felt when I heard those words, words I know the Father is saying to me. Words I find hard to believe or accept ... that I can be worth all that Christ went through and His ultimately shameful and painful death. And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour's blood; died He for me who caused His pain. I started by talking about the risk of pain that love carries. Although I don't fully understand but pondering on the Cross I realise Love and Pain often go hand in hand. I am glad that He, knowing full well the extend of the pain, did not seek to escape Pain but freely chose to go through it and loved me enough to endure the suffering so that I may live.

Love so amazing, so divine; Demands my soul, my life, my all.