Romance not Equal to Love

Valentine's Day is here again. The time of the year, people spend a lot of unnecessary money 'declaring' their love to their beloved, which is something they should be doing every other day of the year, as well. I'm a firm believer in Love but can't say the same of Romance. That's not to say I don't like the experience of romance, but precisely because I'm such a sucker for these things that I have to be careful not to overrate it. It's nice when someone tries to be romantic and swoon you, but that does not guarantee that the love declared is sincere nor can persevere! It takes time for love to grow, and it's discovered that people who are infatuated carries the same chemicals as a person who is mentally insane. So it takes time for the temporary insanity to wear off.

I know many women like romance and believe that's the only way she can feel loved. I think I will exercise caution with that. I believe what a person finds romantic is very different according to the individual and also at different stage of the relationship. Last week I attended a birthday party of a friend. She and her husband are a very good looking couple - the type you can puon place on a magazine cover. Yet they are very real and genuine folks. The husband baked a cake for the birthday party ... could feed more than 15 of us. It's his first attempt at baking and he did a pretty good job. It's simple, inexpensive, thoughtful and very romantic - he was probably also prompted by the cost of buying a cake big enough for the whole group. Over lunch she shared with us that he did something that melted her heart --- he took out the bag of compost! Yup, basically he cleared the rubbish. That's when I suggested to him that taking out the bag of compost, without her telling him to, probably earned him as many, if not more, brownie points as baking her the cake. That reminded me of a lady I knew, who blew her husband's mind off when she told him that his surprising her with a pretty box of chocolates decorated with lots of hearts from one of his business trip, earned him as many brownie points as the car he bought for her. Of course that's because he almost never make such simple romantic efforts for no ocassion and they've been married for 30 years!

For the girls, I'll say re-evaluate as to what is romantic. Be careful not to equate romance with love. As for the guys, don't bother learning what is romantic and works for women in general. You only need to learn to romance the one woman you are committed to love. This means you need to love her in a way that she can understand and perceive your love. Some girls go goo-goo-ga-ga if you'll cook her a meal and others will melt when you just spend a whole day with her doing whatever she likes (especially if you do not like those activities). Some of my guy friends are very happy to have a good and hearty meal cooked by the special someone and others will consider it loving when we cease asking them endless questions, but demonstrate that we trust them. For me, I will be impressed with a guy who will take pains to plan and prepare a romantic outing or event... the thought and planning is awarded as much, if not more, 'weightage' as the execution of the plan. On the other hand, it will be a very loving act on my part, to do something totally spontatenous, for exmaple even when I'm not dressed for the occasion or have to forgo my plans for my partner.

On a lighter note, I'd like share this short anecdote. A friend of mine recently had a very bad bicycle accident and broke his rib, among other injuries suffered. Poor guy, I shouldn't be making this joke at his expense. Anyways, the story goes that a friend of his, upon hearing about his accident, commented "Hey bro, you shouldn't try to do that. Only God can change your rib for a partner!" I haven't stopped laughing.

Wishing all a Happy Valentine. May the Lover of our Soul be our Source of Love and Inspiration to Love.