Worth the price of admission

I'm sure you've come across a thought when reading a book or attending a seminar which makes you feel like that idea/quote itself is worth the price of admission (or the cost of the book). Knowing how expensive our classes are in Regent, we have a collection of quotes which we feature in our weekly students' newsletter, "The Et Cetera". In our Soul of Ministry class this week, I felt a light bulb turned on in my head with the following statements which I felt qualified as 'worth the price of admission' for that class, if not the entire course!

1. Obstacles in our journey of faith are meant to develop our faith and help us grow. They are not evidence that our faith does not work.
2. The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty!

These statements were said back-to-back with hardly a pause between them, the former was by lecturer and the latter by a fellow student. Just before that class, I was sharing with my professor how I could reconsider the way I view matters of faith in strictly black and white categories, and make room for more gray. By this I do not mean that there is no black and white in moral issues, but I am learning to see that not everything can easily and simply (or simplistically) be categorised as black or white. It causes us to assume we are able to make that judgment accurately in every situation. Black and white makes things manageable and gives us a sense of security - but this is a false sense of security. Such clear cut categories leaves no room for grace because grace is often gray. It is learning to see that in every situation, even in the bleakest, darkest, most broken and marred by sin, there is forgiveness, redemption and hope. Grace is scandalous ... and my mind struggles to maintain the paradox. It was as if God was listening to our conversation (which we prayed He would and acknowledged that He did) and prepared me for His answer in class.

The first statement has tripped me up for a long time. I've often, and have been doing so for a long time, wondered at my failure to live up to my 'faith'. In my previous blogs I've asked the question of whether the Sermon on the Mount is prescriptive or descriptive, prompted by my struggle with my failure to live up to the demands of Christ. If you think the 10 commandments is difficult, I think the Sermon on the Mount is impossible - well, almost impossible at least. I've tended to conclude that since it's impossible, then I might as well forget it altogether cause who am I fooling? (Notice the all-or-nothing/ black-and-white categories, and you can imagine how this would affect my view of legal practice, the pastoral ministry or relationships!) Why claim to be a Christian and not live up to the most basic teaching of Christ? Why bother? Who is that going to impress?

Rather than looking at faith as a practice, something that I can never perfect on this side of heaven but am constantly practising and will always have to keep practising... Instead of seeing them as opportunities for my faith to be stretched and grow (and even to correct my wrong ideas about faith), I tend to conclude that my faith does not work and tempted to give it up altogether. I know this sounds crazy and I'm learning to identify some of these faulty belief system that I default to in my thinking pattern and analysis of things that happen in life. Thus I am reminded that we always live up to our faith, not to our professed system of belief - and we spend a life time closing the gap. Someone helpfully pointed out to me that the Sermon on the Mount is not a requirement to get in the kingdom, or to remain in the kingdom, but it would be best for us if we live by it, or at least seek to do so. That gives me such a sense of liberty, to want to follow it, or at least attempt to do so, rather than doing it because I have to.

Opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. We want to figure everything out and know what's coming up ahead, or predict the outcome. If we are able to do that, we don't need faith. We don't need God. We become god or are gods. I know there's a sense of assurance that accompanies faith and I'm not talking about that. However the opposite of faith is to be in control. We want to reach a point where we do not need God. Have you thought about how we constantly ask God for healing, provision, peace, etc ... what if He gave us all that - would we still need Him? Should we not be like the Agur in Proverbs 30:8-9 who prayed, 'Lord, do not make me so poor that I curse You, or so rich that I have no need for You'? I'd rather anytime remain in the place in need of faith and in need of God, and trusting that He knows our needs and is faithful to provide for us according to His riches in Christ Jesus.

As I reflect on my time here in Regent College, I can see how the Lord has been at work in my life all these years. I've gone through over 5 years of deconstruction prior to coming to Regent. that has prepared me for this season. This probably why I've desired to come to Regent and have kept that dream to do so for more than 5 years before I finally came. But the Lord knew I was not ready to come, not yet. I can see that He has brought me here to reconstruct some of my belief systems. I know He is still working on me and will continue to do so until He returns, or when He calls me home. It is out of His love that He has drawn me and brought me here, giving me a yearning for more of Him - for the real Him. It is because of His grace that I am able to go through this journey towards healing and look at life with fresh hope. Sounds like I'm going through a conversion process. Indeed I'm looking forward to celebrating this Easter with a renewed sense of God's amazing and abundant grace!