Only Yesterday

Only yesterday when I was sad and I was lonely
You showed me the way to leave
The past and all its tears behind me
Tomorrow may be even brighter than today
Since I threw my sadness away
Only Yesterday

"Only Yesterday", Carpenters
This song has been playing in my head this whole week since I heard it on the radio on Monday.

As I looked back on 2004, there are many highlights and generally the year was a good one. However since I'm in a pretty melancholic mood today, I'm kind of looking at the not so good parts too. God spoke to me recently and revealed to me the danger of spiritual neglect and apathy. I know I've allowed the busyness of the last month to rob me of my time with the Lord, resulting in spiritual apathy. It's very subtle and my spirit suffers the consequences of it. It's time to take stock, to keep vigil watch over this area of my life and rebuild the altar. Other areas that I felt I could have done better is inter-personal relationships and managing my finances.

I'm on the roll here since it's been a while that I felt this low emotionally. Didn't help that I woke up to the news of Liverpool being knocked out of FA... just after having lost to ManU over the weekend! Boy am I glad I was on the flight back from Beijing and had to miss the game. Besides that the day started alright. Felt the stirring of the Lord during worship at the lunch-time prayer meet. It is amazing to experience His grace - to know that He, the Almighty, Omnipresent God, whose presence no temple can contain - chooses to abide in a broken vessel like me. Why does a perfectly pure and holy God want to have anything to do with a person who is marred and tainted by sin and even want to considers me His spiritual temple?! The thought is too great for me to grasp.

Had a little tiff at home in the evening that totally spoilt my mood. Things kind of slided downwards from that point. I realised that I'm very vulnerable and sensitive when I'm in one of these moods. Things that do not usually bother me can really affect me. It's tough because others probably won't pick up your cues or treat you any differently. They won't understand why my reaction to their usual taunts and jabbing seem so severe. Paying attention to how these moods affect me has helped me cope better with the emotions and not allow it to overtake me like a tsunami. I feel I'm more in control and managed to keep tab of the feelings of sadness this time. I am able to stop things from being blown out of proportion. That's why I firmly believe that self-awareness is the key towards growth and becoming a better person.