What have I been up to?

Well, for starters, probably too much. I took a course on Foundations of Christian Spirituality with Dr Chris Hall. It was a fantastic course. I love the readings... from John Chrysostom, Julian of Norwich, Bernard of Clairvaux, John Owen to Mother Theresa. If you have a chance you should watch the biographical video on her life, entitled 'Mother Theresa'. It's a very a powerful and moving, and very inspiring video. Recommend that you read her book entitled 'Total Surrender' before watching it.

I've enjoyed lots of great lectures, chapel sessions everyday during Summer School, etc. It is amazing. I know I'm being spoiled and it's pretty surreal, so am trying to soak in as much as I can. My housemate thinks I'm a lecture-addict. But it is understandable considering how much it costs per credit to hear them lecture in class! So the best is to attend the free evening lectures and other ad hoc eventslectures they give. Anyways, there's lots to learn, digest and process. Being a TA for the class on Esther is eye-opening, to better appreciate how the book has been so well-crafted to tell the story with all its dramatic effects. Learning to see that while God does perform wonderous works that shouts His glory, He often works quietly in the most mysterious ways which I may be tempted to give credit to everything else but Him. I know I've lamented before that sometimes God feel so distant and that life around me seems to go on with or without Him. Yet in what appears to be a series of coincidences and silent interventions (silent being the emphasis since there's no mention of God in the entire book; some even wonder if the book should be in the canon at all!), God keeps His covenant and preserves His people from an empire-wide genocide. Does that explain what happens in the Holocaust and etc? No. But nevertheless I am learning not to assume He is not at work just because I don't perceive it with my senses or worse still, when my senses imagine He is doing otherwise!

Tonight I attended a lecture that reminded me of the divinity claim of Christ and its implications. I am grateful to be reminded that as a Christian, the central message of the gospel that makes the Christian faith distinct from any other, is our claim that Christ is God. It makes all the difference. It should. In the midst of all the many things that calls for my attention, I lose sight of this very crucial truth and even allow other more trivial things to distract, and even discourage, me. I know I have a tendency to be pessimistic and disillusioned sometimes (my friend says she feels that way about once a month!) and this is usually because my mind is focused on the wrong thing. I have to constantly battle these bouts of hopelessness and sense of despair, and fight to keep the faith. I admit it can be quite hard going at times - this may sound out of place coming from a someone who's pursuing theological studies and experiencing God's abundant and amazing provision. I don't think I'm alone in feeling like this but I do feel quite alone. Something within me is inviting me to camp at the foot of the cross for this season. To focus on Christ and what He's accomplished on the cross. May I find a renewed sense of joy, hope, being deeply grounded in His love and abundant grace. That's my prayer. And in the meantime, may He grant me patience and persistence (lots of it) until I see Him face to face.

Lord, have mercy.