Interesting Progress in Regent College

For those interested, Regent College is currently undergoing construction for a new library. Link to the webcam and follow the progress live!

Interesting People in Regent

This is one interesting girl who LOVES to walk. One of the students in Regent College and this is one of her recent articles in our student newsletter, also featured in her blog. Yes, a 4-month walk! She's inspired me to consider walking back to Malaysia!

Silence- A Reflection on the Appalachian Trail

Hey there everyone, the following is an article that got published in my school's student newspaper a couple days ago. It is a reflection on my experience of silence while walking the Appalachian Trail about a year and a half ago. I just finished writing a paper on silence and solitude in the works of Thomas Merton so this theme has been running through my head lately.

If you want to read more about my trek, here is the link to my online journal.

A Journey of Silence

"Oh America, how I began to love your country! What miles of silence God has made in you for contemplation! If only people realized what all your mountains are really for."

-Thomas Merton

The spring and summer before I came to Regent I went for a walk. Actually quite a long, 2400 km, 4-month walk through 11 states in the Appalachian Mountains on the East Coast of the USA. I walked alone, through blizzards in Georgia and North Carolina, joyfully through the gentle, restful hills of Virginia, onward to civil war monuments in Maryland and rocks in Pennsylvania, through New Jersey, land of water and life. Onward to the scorching heat of New York, then celebrity spotting in Connecticut and finally to Massachusetts where my journey would come to end.

It was in the silence of the forest that I began to know who I truly was. It was where I knew what I feared, where I understood the compulsions that shape my life and my interactions with people. It is in the silence that I began to know the bitterness and the hurt in my life because of the people from my past who I hadn't thought about in years. It was in walking that I was able to forgive them, to pray for them and to not let this anger consume me. In was in recovering from hypothermia that death became real and that I understood the phrase "to live is Christ and to die is gain." It was in the sickness that would end the hike that I began to see how little I really trusted God and that He was really just an idol I had made in my own image. It was in the silence that I knew how often I spoke empty words, void of any real meaning.

It is in the quiet of the forest that I truly know God. For sometimes I think that it is not in the city, amidst the chaos of study and work and ministry that God is most present with us. Perhaps when I talk less, God talks more.It is in the mountains watching the sun fade over the hill on a still night that I know God's quiet presence.Is it in the fury of a thunder and hail storm atop a mountain ridge that I know something of God's power. It is in the tiredness of a 25 mile day that I know what it means to be weary and burdened and to come to Jesus and find rest.It is upon reaching a gushing spring on a scorching hot day that I know God's abundant provision in my life. It is when the skies turn dark in the middle of the day and the forest is shrouded in blackness that I know the darkness in my own life. It is in interacting with other tired wanderers that I feel most able to be myself. It is in the silent places of life that I am changed.

Sometimes when you are alone for that long you just have nothing left to think about or to occupy your mind with. Maybe God's presence is closest to us in this state. Maybe that's what prayer is all about, to be emptied of oneself in order that God might fill us, speak to us and occupy the places in our lives that we so desperately want to cling to for ourselves. To move beyond words and the space where we are conscious of our own praying and contemplation is to move within the depth of God's own intimate union within the trinity. For just as Christ emptied Himself and became nothing upon the cross, so too are we called to empty ourselves. Without solitude, we are not able to be truly present to people and serve them with the humility with which Christ serves us.

And yet at times, it was hard to be confronted with my own humanity, with the presence of God. To realize the depth of my sinfulness and the patterns of sin by which my life was often shaped was disturbing. To know the living God is a scary thing and yet in solitude at least I was confronted with that choice. To be still or to listen to music. To walk alone or to seek out company to fill the loneliness. To embrace emptiness or to fill my mind with idols. To find life in Christ or to seek the pleasures of this world. To trust or to fear. I wish I could say that I chose the former more often than the latter.

So as I sit at my house in Vancouver that I share with 25 other people I wonder about the contradictions in my life. I look out the window at the ocean and mountains of the North Shore and know that I'd rather be there than here. How to live in this world but not be of it? How to know myself and God when the silence seems so fleeting and transitory? How to live in and speak to a culture that so often seems to want to fill the silent places with noise, bury our loneliness with entertainment and hide our true selves at the expense of knowing who we fundamentally are and who God really is?

PGCC

Some pictures from my church. This is a medium sized church but power-packed. We have enough talents to put up our own annual art show and these are some pics taken at the latest one. This church has enough talents to have probably 5 different worship teams! All of them are very passionate about worship.

Jeff Wong is the Pastor for Worship, Arts and Multimedia. A Malaysian about my age, he now wears a cool, bright red head! And his brother's name is Eugene! Ken Rufelle is my favourite worship leader and Michael Root is one mean drummer. Even Tom Sopwith (from UK), our Youth Pastor, and Tim Horman, Pastor in the UTown branch located on UBC campus, can be seen playing the drums, keyboard, guitar and leading worship during Sunday services! Our Assistant Pastor, Greg Laing (not featured here), sometimes assist on the drums!
To see more photos of this event or visit PGCC website.

Choice of Church

This blog arises out of conversations I've had with different friends recently about choosing a church. One of our tutorial discussion posed the question differently by asking us to consider on what basis do we decide to leave a church. It definitely provoked a very lively discussion. We even have courses here on how to evaluate a church! I've not taken that class but this is a list I hope my friends who are in the midst of deciding this issue will find helpful. It also serves as a reminder to myself.

1. Christ-centered
- This is a litmus test for me. Christ said upon this Rock I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I don't think I can be part of a church that does not confess Christ as Lord, profess His divinity and humanity, or believes in the virgin birth and Christ's death, burial and resurrection.
2. Bible-based
- It is crucial that the church upholds the authority of Scripture and thus tries to honestly live out what the Bible teaches. It is important for me to hear a preacher preaching faithfully according to the Bible. I don't think I'm the sole judge of it, but I am responsible to listen with discernment and test what is being taught.
3. Sound Theology
- Upholds tenets of faith about Trinity, of God, Christ and the Holy Spirit, and Scripture. I may not agree with other parts of their theology but I do believe it must be founded on Scripture, then at least there will be basis for discourse (hopefully) and possibly open to change, if need to.
4. Leadership of the Church
- It's important that I respect the leaders. I appreciate leaders who are dedicated and try to look for leadership who are transparent and accountable. This does not mean perfection nor sinlessness, but to have a teachable spirit. Yet I know I need to learn to respect those that God has placed over me and will be held accountable for my attitude towards them. Nevertheless I don't think, as Christian leaders, we can give ourselves the excuse that how we live our lives has nothing to do with how well we can do our 'job'. Our very 'job' is to do our best to live right before God and men, that others may draw from our lives.
5. Place for personal growth
- Fellowship that encourages growth and accountability is important. I also know that I grow by studying the Word and by serving and getting involved in ministry. Such opportunities are important for me.
I've signed up to help with set-up in Church, that is I go early to brew the coffee and boil the water, so coffee and tea is ready when the people come in. Here we're pretty relaxed and simply bring our beverage along into the sanctuary!
6. Mission emphasis
- Mission is the mandate of every Christian and the church should encourage and facilitate its members to participate in missions.
7. Evangelism and outreach
- We are in the world but not of the world, and the church is not the world. The church is where I am equipped to do the work of the ministry and fulfill the mission God has given me in the world that I live in everyday.
8. Style of worship
- Worship is a very important part of church life but it is also very important for me personally. I need to know myself, and when possible, find a place that helps me to worship wholeheartedly.

I know the above list are basic and I would seek to look for such a church when I have the opportunity choose. These are some of the elements that have led me to worship where I am. Perhaps these elements are common in the available choices, then how does one choose? The secondary elements are many and far from exhaustive:
- Close to where I live
I guess I am very practical. Here in Vancouver I rely on public transport and buses are a lot less frequent and start to run later on weekends. If I miss a bus, the next one can take from 1/2 hour to an hour, I will most probably miss a good part of the service. If I'm not careful this can be a source of discouragement especially in winter when it is wet and cold and it takes a lot of effort to get to church. Also I know this consideration will affect how much I will be involved in church during the week and etc.
- Affliations to the members: family members, friends, etc
I suppose this can work both ways but generally my life here evolve around College. I wanted to attend a church that is not full of Regent students and wanted to have a wider group of friends.
The first church I went to here was a very small group (less than 30) of mainly second -generation migrant Chinese. Most of them were younger than me and were either married or engaged to be married. I liked the people and worship style but did not feel comfortable in that setting.
- Availability of a good Children Ministry or Youth Ministry
I know this is an important consideration for parents. While I believe the main and first place for Christian education is the home, I recognise the importance of healthy role model outside of the home and positive peer influence.
- Formality and dress code
This probably sounds silly but I feel so free seeing my worship pastor lead worship in a round neck t-shirt and jeans. He's a Malaysian about my age with bright red hair but I guess what's important for me is he conveys a great passion for God and worship. My assistant pastor can also be found clad in a jumper and jeans when he's not preaching.
- Parking facility
For those who drive I don't think this is something we can afford to ignore. It's a pain to see how we obstruct traffic for others while we are worshipping God.
- Time of service
It is helpful if we have more than one option especially if our work hours and etc do not permit us to always attend service at the usual hours.

If some of the above clashes with our lifestyle, then perhaps we need to consider adjusting our lifestyle. I mean if God is as important in our life as we claim, then our worship life should not be any less. While our faith is a personal one, it is not an individualistic one. It's easy to be patient in a hermit's cave or be loving and spiritual in our own little world, which consists only of I, me and myself. We are called to be part of a community to work out our faith. Once I commit myself to a being part of a church, I am to embrace that community as my family. Thus is it then for me to leave my family when things are not as exciting, or if I don't agree with certain members? That's not really what being a family is about. We stick things through together and work things out hoping for the best. I may feel my needs are not being met at this point, may not agree with how things are done, or even ashame of some members in the family, but we never quit being family.

I've listed the above to serve as a starting point for those considering such a decision. I've sorted the list between what I consider primary factors and secondary ones. Even then the list of secondary factors do not all bear equal weightage, and different people will accord more weight to one consideration more than others. And I repeat they are far from exhaustive. The primary consideration for me is where I can grow best and live out my Christian faith most faithfully. Yet it's not about what I can get out of church, but where I can live for and serve God best. For example you may not agree with the church's position on various issues like praying in tongues, who can serve communion, opportunity for women to minister, practice of infant baptism, etc. One need to ask ourselves honestly if these issues are important enough for one to break fellowship with a church. At times the only resolution may simply be to agree to disagree about some of these matters. We need to bear in mind there's no perfect church and every church will have its set of flaws, and sometimes these will only show up after we become part of the fellowship and get close enough to take a closer look.

I pray for my friends who are presently making this decision. It's not an easy decision and I believe these are some factors for prayerful consideration. There are no shortcuts and the Lord gives us wisdom and discernment to make the best decision. I pray the Lord will lead you in this process and may He grant you peace in your decision.

Confronting Prayer-lessness & Being Confronted

Recently I was having a discussion with my pastor-friend about my struggles with prayer. I was sharing with him that sometimes I am so plagued with doubts that paralyse me and find it hard to pray. He reminded me very simply that we pray because it's our lifeline, that we need to pray. That is prayer is not about doing a duty ... because we have to. Even if I didn't have to, I needed to. I know I needed to hear that.

Life is tough and always seem to drag me in different directions. Very often, I feel fragmented and frazzled by the frentic pace of life and tend to be driven. But when I stop, before I rush head on into the day, it helps me see things in perspective. Simply pause and breathe deeply, refusing to let the clock dictate my life or my scheduler to be my master is a discipline. In that act of stopping, I make a profound proclamation to myself and the world, that Jesus is my Lord and He alone is the Master of my life.

I know my struggle with prayer is the fact that I see it as a chore, another thing that I have to fit into my already busy schedule. I do it out of a sense of duty and obligation, as if God should be happy with me for keeping up with this spiritual discipline. When in fact I should be the one who should be grateful for this awesome privilege. Yet I take it lightly and like Esau, fail to appreciate my birthright as a child of God. How this must grieve Him.

Often I'm driven from prayer because of guilt, with a heavy sense of my own brokenness and failures. I feel unworthy to appear before Him, a perfect and holy God, to bring my petitions. Usually the devil brings condemnation, a vague sense of all the wrongs I've committed, instead of conviction by the Holy Spirit about a specific offence that has grieved Him. This leads to me feeling more guilty because I don't feel like praying. Finally this is compounded by more guilt as I feel I ought to be praying more. It's a vicious cycle.

After that meeting with my friend, it felt good to come out clean with the Lord and before someone else. But the Lord was not done with me and almost as if He heard my lament, He gave me another response. The day following that discussion, which was Friday evening, one of the guys at Alpha gave a very powerful illustration about building faith muscles. He shared that for those who work out and lift weights, they are always pushing their muscles to the point that it tears slightly. This will hurt but it is in the recovery that one develops bigger muscles. He then explains that doubts are necessary to push us to build bigger faith muscles. It's only when we discover the 'breaking point' of our faith that we really exercise it and know how strong our faith is! It's as if God is assuring me that He knows my doubts and they do not bother him. He's not the least threatened by them but is willing and big enough to take them on. Many of my doubts are really a failure to reconcile what my faith with my experience in life.

Then on Sunday, my pastor in church preaching what he called was a very simple message to serve as a reminder for all of us. He opened his sermon with an illustration of Christians tending in our 'resignation' letter to God on prayer as if telling Him, I've tried the prayer thing and it doesn't work, so I quit. He went on to preach on the parable of the persistent widow and the unjust judge. Do you ever get this sneaky feeling that God is listening in to what you say? Well, this was one of those occassion for me. It freaked me out but also overwhelmed me! The only response, only appropriate response, was to bow my knee and worship, because 'You alone are God and beside You, there is no other'.

However being the pragmatic that I am, I knew I cannot stay motivated to pray if my main motivation for praying, or praying more, is guilt. Thus I came before Him, completely broken and repented of my prayerlessness. I readily admit to Him that I do not have a natural desire to pray. I prayed for a desire to pray and a hunger for Him. I reckoned if He can make me with an appetite for physical food and make my stomach growl when I'm hungry, He can do the same for me spiritually. In time to come, I might even acquire a taste for prayer like I do for food, well, certain foods at least, and might even start to crave for prayer. Until then, I'd be happy to feel hunger pangs to remind me to pray. Of course I realise this is a dangerous prayer because most often, the urgency to pray is accompanied by crisis. Then again, what does it matter if I gain the whole world and lose my soul? Thus if a crisis (or a series of them! oh no ... ) is what it takes, then crisis it will be. I am hoping (and I think He is too) that I will learn to do so without having to call for such drastic measures.

I don't know if anyone else shares this struggle but I hope this would serve as an encouragement for fellow pilgrims.

Dine Out for Life

Last night I volunteered with Dine Out for Life, an AIDS Awareness event where restaurants contribute 25% of the bills for the evening towards charity organisations. It was a great experience, doing what I enjoy... meeting people and playing host. I chose to be stationed at a Singaporean restaurant downtown. It was really encouraging to see many people coming out for dinner specially to support this cause. I think this is a great way to promote AIDS awareness among young adults and encourage them to do charity at the same time. The needs are great to help those suffering with the disease and also their loved ones who are supporting them in battling this disease. We all must join hands to fight this battle for humanity.

Many of the patrons I met were gay, either as couples or in groups. It was good to see them hanging out in the regular joints and being comfortable doing so. I don't mean this in a pejorative manner but I think it's great to see many of them having a good time together, just like anyone else. I know it's hard for many of them to live under cover, and even in Vancouver, it's not always accepted. Of course it did cross my mind that some of them are good looking, well-groomed and have suave mannerism ... sigh. With so many women being single, this means there are less men who are available. Thus an eligible woman does not only compete against their female counterparts but also other men.

Just before that, I had come from a lecture and discussion on the sexual revolution that our society has gone through the past few decades. Sex has been detached from almost everything that we have associated it with traditionally. It's disintegrated from the process of procreation with surrogacy and artificial insemination. It's detached from the context of a lifelong covenantal relationship of marriage, with pre-marital sex and extramarital affairs. Sex is no longer determined by which sex we are, nor even need to be with another. Sex has become a commodity to be traded and used, a means of self-expression and to make one feel alive. As such, it is seen as valuable of itself, to satisfy one's needs and means for deriving pleasure. It's also a matter of performance by which one is judged on how good one is at sex.

Often sexual sin is given a special 'status' and stigma that is quite unlike others. As I prayed for the patrons that I met that evening, I asked myself, "Would God hear the prayer of a gay person?" The answer dawned on me (the fact it took a while reveals the state of my heart) and I became most certain He would. The reason I am so certain is simply because I know He hears mine, a sinner. I recently watched a play entitled Prodigal Son where the main character had turned away from God and became a gay. It was a very intense play as he slowly, realising that God does not turn away from him nor turn him away, makes his way back to God. My Lent reading material on the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen reminded of this play and Dr C. Everett Koop, who was featured in Soul Survivor. Koop puts it clearly when he said "I've noticed that Christians tend to get very angry toward others who sin differently than they do." Jesus loves my gay brother just as much as He does me and died for his sin equally.

As I reflect on the evening, I am sad by the awareness that probably not too many Christians would be invited to join such a party nor would they have been comfortable to be seen with such company. Jesus, on the other hand, I am certain, would have been totally comfortable hanging out with these friends and they likewise would be totally at ease with Him. I believe it has to do with how I perceive Christ. Instead of being completely honest and open with Him in my sinful state, I tend to focus on my sinful state, which makes me uncomfortable in His presence. I am more sin-conscious (conscious of my sins) than I am God-conscious. Rather, like Isaiah, I should let my awareness of His presence and holiness, lead me to realisation of my own sinful state. Then in this proper perspective, call out 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!' In that state, I will perhaps be able to better represent Christ before others; instead of making them conscious of their sin and uncomfortable in my presence, humbly direct them to Christ.

iGod

iGod
• Your personalized saviour
• Create a saviour as individual as you are
• Load what you want to hear
• Listen to it how and when you want to hear it
• Listen to your personalized saviour without bothering others.

iBelieve is a replacement cap and lanyard to convert the iPod Shuffle into a cross. From the iBelieve site.