I am the Lord's Servant

Last week I was approached by my pastor to lead the multimedia team in my church. I've been helping out a couple of times the last few months, but I really did not see this coming. I had no plans to get involved in leadership in church here except to be an active member. I have my commitments in Regent and also helping out at the International Alpha. I felt this was quite enough on top of working, studies and still trying to have a life. I told myself (and God) if I accepted this, I wanted to know it's because I wanted it (or it's His will) and not because I didn't know how to say 'No'.

Multimedia is a ministry that I have always enjoyed doing. I was involved in this ministry for main worship service in my church. This was the ministry that I was involved in when I first started serving. Those days we used OHP and I grew with the ministry as the technology advanced. I was coordinating operators for the morning service in church even as a youth (late teens to early 20s). The highest point of my time in this ministry was to oversee the multimedia operations for one of the evenings of a nationwide Christian gathering in Stadium Merdeka. This is a national football stadium with a capacity of 50,000. I don't think I ever told anyone this but in the words of the Eric Lidell, the Olympics runner featured in 'Chariots of Fire', I'd say 'I know I've been called to other things like perhaps pastoring, but when I do multimedia, I feel his pleasure'. It's as simple as that.

However when this opportunity was presented to me, I hesitated. In fact everything within me wanted to turn it down because I felt I didn't need the hassle of coordinating other operators and certainly don't need more on my already very full plate. In a sense I was also a little disappointed. For some weeks prior to the email I received from my pastor, I've been visiting other churches and haven't been attending my own church. There was a little uneasiness within me about church, finding the community a little cold and difficult to integrate into. The friends that used to join me to worship here have all left and gone home for good. So I figured it was a good time to reconsider if I really should stay. The reason I chose this church in the first place is because this was a place I met with God each time I went. I enjoy the worship and preaching. The pastors are a great bunch!

My hesitation is also personal as I was afraid of taking up leadership. It's not like I can't do leadership because I know I can, and even am naturally inclined to it. Yet I'm afraid. I didn't like the 'pedestal' that people put you on when you become a leader. You become a target for unwarranted and unsolicited criticism. People feel they have a right, even an obligation, to give you a piece of their mind about everything and anything about your life simply because you're a leader. I also felt that leaders are assumed to be spiritual and doing well spiritually, which is another false expectation I felt was impossible to live by. This is extremely hazardous for the soul because I know if I'm not careful, I can easily buy into this image of spirituality which really has no basis. I can be walking in sin and living a double life behind the title and 'robe' and still people want to think, and assume, I'm doing ok. It's not real. I'm tired of the charades or letting people down when I tell them I'm hopelessly sinful!

Then I went to church the following day, after my pastor's invitation to take up this responsiblity. God hit me with the message on leadership from Nehemiah! Baam! I couldn't have missed it. I felt challenged to make a difference by accepting this responsiblity, and leading with a different attitude and spirit. Then the pastor who was speaking made a comment at the end about how being a leader is like wearing a target board, and people like to use us for target practice! I knew God had spoken but I was still stubborn. The reluctance to accept more responsiblity is overwhelming and I could not overcome it. So I prayed and asked God to confirm what he wanted me to do. If he wanted me to accept it, then he had to change my heart about it.

The night before last Sunday service, I was praying hard because I knew I had to give a reply to my pastor soon. I struggled and admitted to God that I was afraid of making mistakes. I saw many of the mistakes I've made in the past and I did not want to stumble others or put his name to shame. I asked him to forgive me for the times when I've ministered, many times, out of my own strength. Sometimes he is so gentle and have been my silent partner, that I even imagined that I've been doing the work on my own. At times it felt like everything was so well planned, it did not really matter if God turned up for the service... things will run status quo, with or without him. Since I've been involved in this ministry previously, I was afraid that I would depend on my strength and experience, instead of him as I should. So I prayed that God will help me hear him clearly if He'd speak to me again to confirm this matter. I was half doubting I'd hear him, wondering if I'd make things up in my mind and assume it was God. I asked him to speak in such a way that my mind cannot pose any doubts that He has spoken. It's almost like I'm testing God.

The following Sunday, I went to church and during the worship, the Lord reminded me powerfully that he has forgiven me of all my sins and has removed my transgressions from me as far as the east is from the west. Then, lo and behold, the pastor was speaking about how each of us should take up our position and do our part in the kingdom of God - still part of the Nehemiah series. A much needed reminder. The pastor then issued a challenge for us to respond to God and be open for him to use us as he wants to. I stepped forward for prayer and the senior pastor prayed for me. One thing I was grateful for was he reminded me that when I accept God's invitation to serve, it is a partnership with God. He calls me to participate with him in the work that HE is already doing. He does not want me to run ahead of him in my own strength, as I know I'm always tempted to do because I'm basically a very driven person, but to keep step with him. Then my senior pastor very gently but firmly assured me that if I were to accept any responsiblity in this church, I can always tell them if I need to take a break or I'm reaching the limit in terms of the load I'm able to handle.

It was very encouraging for me to see how God come to me at my level to meet me in such a gentle and loving way. He could easily have rebuked me since I should know better and simply issued a command because He is sovereign. He is perfectly entitled to do so but he chose to reveal his will in this humble manner. Condescending to my requests for confirmation, he even made sure I heard him loud and clear. He softened my heart with his compassion and again I'm reminded that it is his goodness that leads us to repentance (Rom 2:4). I am grateful he knows my fears and understands that in the depth of my heart I do want to serve him but want to do so out of a pure heart and in response to his call. For someone who has no qualms of taking on new challenges and responsiblities, this is quite a change. Since this is a ministry is one I've been involved previously, my usual self would not consider this ministry much of a challenge, and would have taken it up in no time. But it would have been based on my own strength, experience and simply the fact that I know this is a ministry I enjoy doing and that he delights in the worship I offer in the form of this service. Yet the unwillingness to simply assume responsiblity and even to feel the need to depend on God, is a new development for me. I see this as a positive development and a sign of God's hand at work in my life.

Finally, later that Sunday, my pastor who is in charge of multimedia, encouraged me with an amazing piece of news. The LCD projector that we've been using have been giving a lot of trouble and it costs as much to repair as it would to replace it. The church leadership have twice appealed to the members to pray and consider giving towards this need. After yesterday's sermon, a young man felt convicted and told the pastor he would bear the whole cost of replacing the projector! He is just a teenage student and his heart is simply passionate for God which can be seen in his willingness to give sacrificially. I know God will honour him and bless him much in return. But this has really challenged me to consider if I'm willing to serve sacrificially to build up the house of God.

Grace Flows Down

Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
Amazing Love
Now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
As Grace flows down and covers me

Chorus
It covers me
It covers me
It covers me
And covers me

'Grace Flows Down' performed by Christy Nockles
Words Louie Giglio & David Bell
Album: Passion - One Day Live (2000)

He gives and takes away

I've been asked many times by Christians why God allows bad things to happen to good people. I can sense their struggle as they try to reconcile why God does not heal or deliver those who love Him. Is there an answer, a good answer? Sometimes we find it hard to discern any purpose for the pain. We can accept when He gives, can we not accept when He takes away? He calls us to trust Him when we don't understand what He is up to. Trust He is in control and knows what He is doing. Trust He is with us as we go through the storm. Trust He will not let us go. Trust that He is good and He loves us, even when the circumstances do not seem to confirm that.

Perhaps there is just no good answer on this side of heaven. I don't know if the answers would still matter when we get to the other side.

Read the amazing story behind the song 'Praise You in This Storm' by Casting Crowns here.
Link to the lyrics of the song.

He is

In Genesis, He's the breath of Life
In Exodus, the passover Lamb
In Leviticus, He's our high priest
Numbers, the fire by night
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice
Judges, Law giver
In Ruth, the kinsman redeemer
First and Second Samuel, our trusted prophet
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign
Ezra, true and faithful scribe
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage
In Job, the timeless redeemer
In Psalms, He is our morning song
In Proverbs, wisdom's cry
Ecclesiastes, the time and season
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream
He is, He is, He is

In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire
In Hosea, He is forever faithful
In Joel, He's the Spirits power
In Amos, the arms that carry us
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior
In Jonah, He's the great missionary
In Micah, the promise of peace
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage
In Zechariah, our fountain
In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings
He is, He is, He is

In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven
In Romans, He's the grace of God
In Corinthians, the power of love
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin
Ephesians, our glorious treasure
Philippians, the servants heart
In Colossians, He's the Godhead trinity
Thessalonians, our coming King
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor
In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant
In James, the one who heals the sick.
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and the Lord of Lords
He is, He is, He is

The prince of peace
The Son of man
The Lamb of God
The great I am
He's the alpha and omega
Our God and our Savior
He is Jesus Christ Lord and when time is no more
He is, He is

Words by Jeoffrey Benward & Jeff Silvey
(c)1994 Star Song

Exciting developments in Regent

We're in the midst of building an extension to our very small campus (yes, many are surprised that a college of this reputation only have 3 classrooms!!) The construction is at its height this season since we have this precious one month in between Summer term that just finished and the Fall which will begin officially in mid-Sept.

One very exciting part of this construction is the True North Tower, which has already received some media attention in Canada. It is called "True North" because the point of the tower will line up perfectly with the North Star, a star that for centuries has been a guide to shepherds and travelers alike through their life journeys. Embedded in the tower’s window is an array of solar cells, thin silicon and metal squares that convert light into electricity - they will illuminate the tower literally and spiritually. The panes will feature an Aramaic version of the Lord's Prayer etched into the glass. These will collect enough energy to light up the wind tower’s beautifully coloured LED lighting system designed by the artist, Sarah Halls. "They weigh an absolute ton because they're thermal panes," she said. "They're also safety glass -- they meet every code you can possibly imagine. They're basically kind of vandal proof." As one approaches the tower from a distance, the impression you get is that of looking at a waterfall.

Read more about it here.
Media Coverage.

Right place at the right time

During the World Cup Finals, I went down to Commercial Drive, located on the east side of Vancouver. It's an interesting part of town with a high percentage of international residents, especially from Europe. Comparatively, the rest of Vancouver seemed so mild throughout the season, it was pretty sad. On that day, all the cafes were packed to the brim and it was impossible to even get in! My friend and I watched the match from the window of Cafe Roma in 'Little Italy' for the first half of the game. It was torturous. During half time, a lot of people came out of the sardine-packed cafe and we got our spot inside under the screen. So we practically stood for the whole 2.5 hours to watch that match. After each goal of the penalty kicks, beer and water were showering from every direction. The atmosphere was exhilirating. After the game, there was a huge street party celebrating the win, that lasted for a few hours. People were dancing on the street, cars flying flags kept sounding their horns to each other. It was so cool as the police closed the section of the roads for pedestrians. Lots of people came to watch, not so much the game, but just the party and to take photos! I can't think of a better way to watch the Finals - and obviously I was cheering for Italia! This is my only consolation - that France didn't win. It didn't seem right to be watching World Cup finals after both England and Brazil lost ... on the same day!

Then last Sunday, I decided to visit a church called St John's Shaughnessy. It's a church that I've been meaning to visit since I know quite a few college mates and faculty and staff of Regent attend that church. I visited the website and noticed Dr J. I. Packer was preaching, which gave me added motivation to visit. After the service, the church extended an invitation for all to adjourn for a birthday celebration, celebrating Dr Packer's 80th birthday. It was cool to share this moment with this giant in the evangelical circle and founder of the college I'm in.

Later in the evening, my friends and I went out to Deer Lake Park in Burnaby. I had found out on Friday evening, by chance, that the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra was giving a free concert that evening. So we packed our picnic dinner, brought our mats and sat on the grounds with a few thousand others to enjoy the lovely repoirtoire on a lovely summer evening. Now that's life in Vancouver ... being in the right place at the right time.

Click here to see more pics from this summer.

What have I been up to?

Well, for starters, probably too much. I took a course on Foundations of Christian Spirituality with Dr Chris Hall. It was a fantastic course. I love the readings... from John Chrysostom, Julian of Norwich, Bernard of Clairvaux, John Owen to Mother Theresa. If you have a chance you should watch the biographical video on her life, entitled 'Mother Theresa'. It's a very a powerful and moving, and very inspiring video. Recommend that you read her book entitled 'Total Surrender' before watching it.

I've enjoyed lots of great lectures, chapel sessions everyday during Summer School, etc. It is amazing. I know I'm being spoiled and it's pretty surreal, so am trying to soak in as much as I can. My housemate thinks I'm a lecture-addict. But it is understandable considering how much it costs per credit to hear them lecture in class! So the best is to attend the free evening lectures and other ad hoc eventslectures they give. Anyways, there's lots to learn, digest and process. Being a TA for the class on Esther is eye-opening, to better appreciate how the book has been so well-crafted to tell the story with all its dramatic effects. Learning to see that while God does perform wonderous works that shouts His glory, He often works quietly in the most mysterious ways which I may be tempted to give credit to everything else but Him. I know I've lamented before that sometimes God feel so distant and that life around me seems to go on with or without Him. Yet in what appears to be a series of coincidences and silent interventions (silent being the emphasis since there's no mention of God in the entire book; some even wonder if the book should be in the canon at all!), God keeps His covenant and preserves His people from an empire-wide genocide. Does that explain what happens in the Holocaust and etc? No. But nevertheless I am learning not to assume He is not at work just because I don't perceive it with my senses or worse still, when my senses imagine He is doing otherwise!

Tonight I attended a lecture that reminded me of the divinity claim of Christ and its implications. I am grateful to be reminded that as a Christian, the central message of the gospel that makes the Christian faith distinct from any other, is our claim that Christ is God. It makes all the difference. It should. In the midst of all the many things that calls for my attention, I lose sight of this very crucial truth and even allow other more trivial things to distract, and even discourage, me. I know I have a tendency to be pessimistic and disillusioned sometimes (my friend says she feels that way about once a month!) and this is usually because my mind is focused on the wrong thing. I have to constantly battle these bouts of hopelessness and sense of despair, and fight to keep the faith. I admit it can be quite hard going at times - this may sound out of place coming from a someone who's pursuing theological studies and experiencing God's abundant and amazing provision. I don't think I'm alone in feeling like this but I do feel quite alone. Something within me is inviting me to camp at the foot of the cross for this season. To focus on Christ and what He's accomplished on the cross. May I find a renewed sense of joy, hope, being deeply grounded in His love and abundant grace. That's my prayer. And in the meantime, may He grant me patience and persistence (lots of it) until I see Him face to face.

Lord, have mercy.