Not Dying to Knot

I've always had questions about the institution of marriage. Am not convinced it is a good deal for women generally. I know a lot of men are afraid of the big 'C' word and have doubts about tying the knot. I think the trend is for increasing number of women to have similar doubts and reluctance. Perhaps many modern women feel that the traditional reasons for getting married no longer apply today. Today more women are financially independent (I think this is a major factor), independent physically having learned how to drive and move around, there is less stigma attached to those who remain single, able to have both close male and female friends who can provide emotional support. Often she is self-affirmed and have many dreams of her own. Marriage is no longer an attractive option and seem to have lost its intrinsic value in our society. Many couples enter into marriage asking what they can personally get out of it. That is really the wrong question because the answer to that is probably nothing because marriage is not the place for us to seek to serve self but often is a place where self is put to death. It is sad that more often than not couples are more than willing to talk about their marriage woes, the horrible jokes about marriage, coupled with the high rate of breakdown in marriages - all these do not help the 'image' of marriage. Call me a cynic; perhaps a cynic open to be converted!

I did a little survey by interviewing a number of people to share what they thought is good about marriage and whether they think it is a good thing for everyone. I figured it'll be good to find out since we expand a considerable sum of money attending weddings and even more is spent by the couples and families to celebrate the said union! Whilst almost all agreed that marriage is a good thing which they will recommend for all, I was a little disappointed that not many could clearly articulate what they felt were some definite benefits of marriage. Mind you, some of them have been married for more than 10-15 years. A handful however did give very good answers... feel free to drop me a line if you'll like to know more :p

At this juncture, I'd like to share with you to an excellent article entitled Will to Do by Ravi Zacharias. It gave me much food for thought and helped answer some of my questions.

Dreams

Dreams are what you make them to be. Daring to dream is something I believe all of us must strive to do. It's hard to live our dreams. What is important is that we should aim to live God's dreams. They are not necessarily different but neither are they always one and the same thing. I just watched Robots and the underlying message is to be yourself and be the best you can be. Sometimes in our chase of a dream, we need to understand ourselves and who we really are, what is it that we're really looking for. When I fail to understand myself and what is it that I'm really looking for, there's tremendous tendency for others around me to try to tell me who I am and what I should be looking for. When I am clueless about my dreams, the world will try to dictate my dreams. Even when I'm trying to discover who I am, there are voices in my life who will gladly fill in the blanks on my behalf. Yes, I sound like I'm confused. Perhaps I'm afraid. Fear of taking the leap into the unknown.

I can't say that this dream of mine is definitely the best thing that can happen to me because like all dreams, there's a risk. Yes, if it works out fine, I will be a better person, but if it doesn't, who knows? I maybe more cynical, hardened, disillusioned than I am now (I am not saying I'm all these at the moment!) The truth is we never know, right? Can we always be sure if our venture is always going to be a success?! A success in whose eyes anyways? If measured against the world's standards of success, then it will be based on results and productivity. However if measured by God's standards, wouldn't it one of obedience and faithfulness? Results, I believe, is something that God gives in reward of our faithfulness but my primary responsiblity is to be faithful. The farmer sows and faithfully tends his field, but growth and fruit-bearing is God's part. The farmer doesn't determine if it will be 30-fold, 60-fold or 100-fold harvest. That's God's perogative.

My confidence is in God to carry me through, to bring forth His plans for my life and help me walk in His will. I believe, it is equally possible that God leads me through my desires and plans. Unless He absolutely closes the door, I can assume that I am walking in His will. I know God guides me through prayerful consideration and by my keeping an open mind towards godly counsel. I am certain that God's grace is sufficient and can redeem even my worst errors as I entrust my life into His hands. Risk taken in God is really no risk at all.

I sense His voice like a father telling his child, 'Jump, don't worry. I'm here and I'll catch you'. I love Him and I know He loves me too. Like a father who believes in his child, He is inviting me to dream. To believe in Him and to surrender my dreams to Him. Therefore I am inviting Him to be part of my dreams. Yes, I have a dream but I don't want to dream apart from Him. I am also open for Him to plant His dreams within me. Sometimes I feel my dreams are too small ... and that He's got plans that are much bigger than I ever had for myself. More than anything I desire to do His will. Lord, help me discern Your will for my life. You are my Good Shepherd who will surely lead me in the path of righteousness for Your Name sake. So is there only one path? Maybe. I know I will keep on the path of righteousness for as long as I am walking with Him. My concern and focus is not on which path I should take but on Whom I am walking with.

Friendship Ministry

It is not good for man to be alone. (Gen 2:18)

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecc 4:9-12)

¹³Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.... ¹⁷This is my command: Love each other. (John 15 :13-15, 17)

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We are designed for relationship and friendship can only be God's idea. There are many levels of relating but I think friendship is one of the best gift we can give to one another. We offer our care, concern, to share our ups and downs, joys and pains ... we offer our very self! I use the word offer because that's all we can do. It is up to the other person to accept our offer. Nothing can take place until and unless this exchange takes place. The most priceless aspect in the offering of friendship, is that we offer another the freedom of friendship. My part is to offer to accept others as they are and give them the freedom to be their true self. I have personally found that the most enriching friendship are the ones who allow me to be who I am and yet believe in the best of me, to become the very person God is in the process of making me to be. This is one of the best expression of Love, True Love. Sure we may have dreams for our friends and encourage them towards these dreams, nevertheless love demands that I grant them grace and space to pursue their own dreams, and in the process realise the dreams God has planted in their hearts.

I am grateful to God for bringing precious friends along my path. Friends whose only demand is that I be true to myself and to God. In offering me this ministry of friendship, they let me catch a glimpse of God's love. Friends who rejoice at my achievements, are saddened when I'm in hurting, ache when I am involved in any behaviour that are harmful to my well-being, act as my sounding board when I need to sort out my thoughts, give me wise counsel (when solicited ;p), cheer me on when I fall, lift me up when I'm discouraged, keep on believing in me and refuse to give up on me when I'm tempted to give up on myself! They invite me to unmask, listen without judging or rejecting me, and affirm and assure me of their love when I feel unloved, unworthy and ugly. Of course I am not saying I can be all that to all my friends all the time but I hope to do the best I can to offer this gift and ministry of friendship to those I have a privilege of calling them my friends.

Bottomline, friendship is not a utilitarian concept. Our life is to be pitied more than anything if the only reason we make friends is for what we can get out of it. May we never go so low and reduce friendship to the point where it is only valued according to its utility.

The truth is when we allow somebody to enter our life in such a manner, our lives are knitted together and it is impossible for us not to rub off on each other. Often their influence over us is subversive and it is only in hindsight that we realise that their footprints have been imprinted in our hearts. And we are changed forever....

Blessedness.... Happiness

The Beatitudes describe the blessed state of a disciple. One translation uses the word Happy. Is there any difference? I think so. You can be happy but not blessed, like when you've robbed a bank or stolen someone's husband. According to Christ, blessedness is about being truly, or truthfully, happy. Blessedness is connected to Truth. Being happy is a description of the state of our emotions, which often is dependent on external circumstances. Looking again at the list of Beatitudes, it is clear that Christ gave a list of situations that we don't usually link with feeling happy. Yet He says that such a disciple is blessed - true happiness. Paradoxical? Perhaps. However the fact that He links the blessed state of the disciple with each of these situations, I believe, is to show us that as a disciple, our state of blessedness is a constant, not dependent on external circumstances.

I have a question. Are these 'conditions' for blessedness descriptive or prescriptive? Is Jesus suggesting that as a disciple these conditions (being poor in the spirit, etc) will be my lot? Or is He saying He will transform us to be poor in spirit, pure in heart, etc? Another possibility is that as a disciple, these are spiritual postures for me to access the kingdom of God. So I'm blessed because I will experience God's mercy when I show mercy to others. But does that mean my blessed condition is conditional on circumstance or my response/state of being? Am I responsible to make or keep myself pure in heart, or am I to pursue after these 'conditions' in order to be blessed? Pure in heart and merciful I can understand if I should pursue these virtues or at least position myself to respond to Him as He develops them in me... but a bit difficult to imagine pursuing spiritual poverty and persecution?! *Eyes Rolling*

The thing to bear in mind is we must interpret the different beatitudes consistently. Can't read some as prescriptive and others descriptive, ie some as existing conditions but others as goals to work towards to. Of course, it is possible that the passage has simply not made this point clear. Thus one opinion may just be as plausible as another.

These are just some of my thoughts. Feel free to share yours.

Through Mountains and Valleys

Have you ever walked through a tunnel and suddenly felt like someone turned off the lights on both sides? I believe the Lord allows me to go through valley experiences to strengthen me and help me learn to trust Him more. Sometimes when I hear people praying to learn to trust Him more... I can't help wondering in my heart if they have any idea what the answer to their prayer would look like, or if they'll gladly embrace when their faith is put to the test. Or perhaps what we really mean is that we trust Him to protect and shield us from all difficulties, sadness and pain?!?

If God only gives me mountain-top experiences, how then would I know that He can be trusted to come through when things get rough? I understand that it is in my weakness that He can show Himself strong, dependable and that He'll never let me go. It is in and through the difficult times that I experience His comfort, assurance and healing.

The irony however is that in such times, instead of running to Him, I run from Him! Perhaps I felt let down.... that He's failed to protect me like I believed He should, i.e. from all difficulties, sadness and pain. God has never promised that life would be a bed of roses. I need to let go of my own false ideas and not make up my own 'god' according to these ideas. I'm not saying He's not capable or willing to protect me from all these but He will only do what's best for developing me. His main concern is not to keep me 'happy' but to develop my faith and mould me into the image of Christ. Only when I've learned that He is faithful through thick and thin, that true faith has developed within me. It is faith in God rather than faith in all the things that the world says will guarantee happiness.

Have you noticed that true heroes of faith are not those who've not been tested? Not even those who only have 'testimonies' to share. My heroes are those who've been tried, found themselves weak and perhaps even failed, but allowed God to strenghten them. God came through for them in their trials although that does not necessarily mean He removed from their trials. My greatest respect is given to those who remain in difficult and trying situations, yet do not lose faith, become hardened or cynical, but stay joyful and hopeful!

Having said all that, it does not mean I enjoy valley experiences and you bet I won't be praying for more of them!

Suppression. Reflection. Reaction. Depression. Contemplation. Distraction. Confusion.

Am not really in a mood to write. Have not made any entry recently because been very busy. Reminded of what a friend said about keeping track of our emotions because they're a thermometer to how we are really doing. Started out by listing a few as above.... then got hooked on those with 3 syllables that rhymed! Got the idea from Max Lucado's book entitled 'No Wonder They Called Him Saviour' - he wrote an entire chapter with single words. So cool.

XX Hugs XX

Someone commented to my friend, 'Is she really your Pastor?' (referring to me) . No big deal I guess, since it's hardly the first time for me to hear these sort of comments. Another has told me, 'Pastor can blog too?' The best one so far is when a fairly new member asked me, 'Cheryl, why do they (as in the other members) keep calling you Ps Cheryl?!! Only earlier today, I confessed to a fellow-pastor of mine that it took me many years before I accepted myself as one. Why? I asked myself. It's natural for us to attach a certain image to certain professions. But I wonder if we sometimes place our leaders on a pedestal and make them out to be super-humans. Many of these expectations are downright unrealistic. While some are not unreasonable on its own but if you were to add them up together, I imagine even Jesus would find the job description a tall order to fulfill. Still we try our best to live up to them, sometimes doing such a good job that I am tempted, myself, to believe I'm superhuman! Which isn't that bad an idea if I had cool suits like The Incredibles (a Pixar-Disney animation movie, for the uninitiated).

It is hard for us to remember that our leaders are made up of flesh and blood; human with real needs, fears and if I be so bold to suggest, weaknesses. To enforce the fact that I'm truly flesh and blood, I'm also a rather tactile person, that is I tend to use my sense of touch to perceive the world around me. Some are visual, auditorial and others are stimulated through their sense of smell (olfactorial). Naturally then physical touch is one of my language of love. Hugs do wonders for me. It's just too bad that hugging is not a common feature in the Malaysian culture. Yesterday I received a card of encouragement from a member. A simple note of appreciation and a small gift. Well, it felt like I was receiving a BIG hug from her through her card!

Both for the sake of others and my own sake, I consciously make every effort to get off the pedestal. Then none can justfy by giving themselves the excuse to say, 'You can do it because you are a pastor but I am not (therefore I should be exempted)'.