Have you ever wanted something so bad and yet when you get it, you fear the worst is yet to come, to the point that you become ambivalent about that subject all together? For example you're hoping to get a dream job and the moment you get it, your mind goes wild about how things can possibly go wrong - like you having to work with the worst set of colleagues possible; being late on your first day; mucking up on your first major project and failing to live up to your employer's expectations? I think it's weird how my mind can play tricks on me and work up my greatest fears, real or otherwise, when I think I've finally got what I've been dreaming for all my life. I guess that's just normal anxiety working up... or is it a sign that I don't trust God to give me what I really want with no strings attached?! To be honest, I don't know. I don't believe God is out there with an agenda to sabotage my life but I guess I'm not totally confident that I deserve such a good deal... therefore certainly something must be wrong with it.
I'm not naive to think that life should or will be smooth sailing, but am I sufficiently confident that God is and will be for me? If so, then I know that I really have nothing to fear. Whatever that lies ahead of me, I will be able to overcome it with God by my side. I'm not expecting life to be a bed of roses but do I trust Him to take me through all that lies ahead, the good, the bad and the ugly? It's hard when you're stepping out to the unknown. I am reminded that my source of hope and confidence lies in God's word and His faithfulness. He's proven Himself to be so faithful throughout history, in my own life (short as it may be in comparison) and in the lives of those around me. He's never failed those who love Him. I am counting on that.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
Honestly speaking
I've recently let my friends in on this blog. It's a little scary because I initially did not write for that purpose. Will letting it go public affect the way I blog? I hope not. I honestly doubt it will not have any effect or that it will make no difference. I think it's only human to be affected by what people think of us, especially if they are people whom we consider important. People have as much power and influence over me as I 'allow' them; their views matter to me only as much as they matter to me! Yet I remind myself that ultimately I must live before the audience of the One. His views should outweigh any other person's views in my life - I am still learning.
Blogging can be so addictive. I've always wanted to write although I had no idea where to start. What better way to start than to write on a very familiar topic - myself! I've always admired those in creative fields like musicians, actors, artists, poets, designers, sculptors, etc. Human beings are so amazing to come up with a myriad of ways to express their creativity, reflecting our loving Creator. Among all the different modes, I find that words have been the most effective vehicle for me to express myself. I'm not the finest of writers and am far from proficient. I only hope to record my observations and reflections for this season of my life. I will pen personal experiences (if I think they are worth mentioning); my thoughts and reflections. There will not be many discussions of current events unless I think I have any original idea to contribute. As much as possible, I'll stay away from mentioning people by name, and if I really have to, it will not be without their prior permission. Quotes and ideas drawn from other authors will be given due credit, where possible.
The whole exercise of putting pen to paper (today keybard and screen) has been most therapeutic. If fellow pilgrims can find any encouragement from these jottings, that'll be great. Whatever it is, I will continue to write, honestly and authentically, from the depth of my heart.
Blogging can be so addictive. I've always wanted to write although I had no idea where to start. What better way to start than to write on a very familiar topic - myself! I've always admired those in creative fields like musicians, actors, artists, poets, designers, sculptors, etc. Human beings are so amazing to come up with a myriad of ways to express their creativity, reflecting our loving Creator. Among all the different modes, I find that words have been the most effective vehicle for me to express myself. I'm not the finest of writers and am far from proficient. I only hope to record my observations and reflections for this season of my life. I will pen personal experiences (if I think they are worth mentioning); my thoughts and reflections. There will not be many discussions of current events unless I think I have any original idea to contribute. As much as possible, I'll stay away from mentioning people by name, and if I really have to, it will not be without their prior permission. Quotes and ideas drawn from other authors will be given due credit, where possible.
The whole exercise of putting pen to paper (today keybard and screen) has been most therapeutic. If fellow pilgrims can find any encouragement from these jottings, that'll be great. Whatever it is, I will continue to write, honestly and authentically, from the depth of my heart.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Beauty or Beast
Being a visually-oriented person, I have a keen eye for things of beauty. Ranging from artistic expressions to beautiful landscapes, I am naturally looking out for objects which are aesthetically appealing. I noticed this especially when I attended a symphony orchestra. While I enjoy listening to classical music, the impact from the experience of watching a group of musician play in unison to create music is beyond what any CD can ever reproduce!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Is beauty limited to visual attractiveness? That's what the world and media would like us to believe. Why? Because this makes great commercial opportunity for those seeking to capitalise on our fear of not being attractive, which is equated to being unlovable.
I have had a hard time convincing my friends that they are beautiful, especially ladies (the guys are trying hard to convince me they are!) I have no intention of lying or flattering them. If only they can see what an amazing creation they are. It is obvious that God has great sense of taste and I tend to agree with His taste. That's all. It may take a deeper observation, but I believe there's beauty in each of us, if we'd only look hard enough and focus beyond external appearances. This is true beauty. Beauty which will not fade but only grow with time.
I've always struggled with my looks and never liked what I saw in the mirror when I was growing up. It did not help that this was confirmed by the feedback I received from the people around me. I wasn't keen to hang out around beautiful-looking people, by which I mean those who are tall, slim, with smooth complexion, fair skin and pretty face. It is not possible to get the whole world to like you but life is almost unbearable if you don't like yourself. I thank God for His healing and through the years, have learned to accept who God made me to be. I can now look at so-called "beautiful" people without thinking that I'm a lesser being. More than that, I've learned to appreciate true beauty. By that I refer to a loving and compassionate heart, godly character, humble and gracious spirit, a person filled with joy, hope and peace.
Perhaps some may feel that this is merely an attempt to console myself...
Still I'm always looking out for beauty ... and I invariably find what I look out for.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Is beauty limited to visual attractiveness? That's what the world and media would like us to believe. Why? Because this makes great commercial opportunity for those seeking to capitalise on our fear of not being attractive, which is equated to being unlovable.
I have had a hard time convincing my friends that they are beautiful, especially ladies (the guys are trying hard to convince me they are!) I have no intention of lying or flattering them. If only they can see what an amazing creation they are. It is obvious that God has great sense of taste and I tend to agree with His taste. That's all. It may take a deeper observation, but I believe there's beauty in each of us, if we'd only look hard enough and focus beyond external appearances. This is true beauty. Beauty which will not fade but only grow with time.
I've always struggled with my looks and never liked what I saw in the mirror when I was growing up. It did not help that this was confirmed by the feedback I received from the people around me. I wasn't keen to hang out around beautiful-looking people, by which I mean those who are tall, slim, with smooth complexion, fair skin and pretty face. It is not possible to get the whole world to like you but life is almost unbearable if you don't like yourself. I thank God for His healing and through the years, have learned to accept who God made me to be. I can now look at so-called "beautiful" people without thinking that I'm a lesser being. More than that, I've learned to appreciate true beauty. By that I refer to a loving and compassionate heart, godly character, humble and gracious spirit, a person filled with joy, hope and peace.
Perhaps some may feel that this is merely an attempt to console myself...
Still I'm always looking out for beauty ... and I invariably find what I look out for.
Source of joy or source of pain?
In life, there are often more than one way to look at a situation. Sometimes they are both sides of the same coin. At other times, we never know how a turn of event can change our view of things. I need to maintain a positive outlook; it will determine whether I see a full glass or an empty glass.
Getting a good spa treatment...source of joy;
Paying a huge bill for it...source of pain.
Having a friend who is patient... source of joy;
He is too laid back and never seem to be on time... source of pain.
A new relationship... source of joy;
Loss of freedom as a single... source of pain.
Having not enough money...source of pain;
Passing up on a bad bargain at a sale...source of joy.
Visit to the dentist...source of pain;
Removal of a toothache...source of joy!
Broke a heel and fell down...source of pain;
Saved by a handsome prince charming...source of joy!!
Getting a good spa treatment...source of joy;
Paying a huge bill for it...source of pain.
Having a friend who is patient... source of joy;
He is too laid back and never seem to be on time... source of pain.
A new relationship... source of joy;
Loss of freedom as a single... source of pain.
Having not enough money...source of pain;
Passing up on a bad bargain at a sale...source of joy.
Visit to the dentist...source of pain;
Removal of a toothache...source of joy!
Broke a heel and fell down...source of pain;
Saved by a handsome prince charming...source of joy!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Abandoned Mission
Has it ever occurred to you why Jonah abandoned his mission and ran to Tarshish? If I were to look back in my life, there were many times I've felt like running away from God's assignment or even just walking away from everything... The reasons for doing so have been numerous and varied. Anything from sheeer unwillingness, the sacrifice involved being too great (whether in terms of time, convenience or money) to a lack of confidence (only too often) in my own ability to carry out the task, which I admit merely reflects my lack of faith in God to bring me through.
If I recall correctly however, I don't think it was ever because I was doubtless of God's mercy and grace to spare a group of evil people in the event they were to repent when I'm done preaching to them! An entire nation of 120,000 people turned around in repentance when they heard Jonah's, probably half-hearted, preaching!!
Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it - when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness! "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!"
(Jonah 4:1-3, MSG)
How did Jonah acquire such a deep sense of God's mercy and grace? He was certain of it enough to run away from the assignment and risked incurring God's wrath. Do I share about God's love and compassion with that sort of conviction? Am I as certain of God's mercy when I lay my hands to pray for someone to be healed, especially if I think the person does not deserve God's healing?! Am I half-hearted in my prayers because of my warped idea of God's grace, as if it is something to be earned by my good conduct?
Father, open the eyes of my heart to truly know Your rich love, abundant grace & mercy and Your great compassion. May it be so ingrained in my system that I can't help but let it seep out in every area of my life! Amen.
If I recall correctly however, I don't think it was ever because I was doubtless of God's mercy and grace to spare a group of evil people in the event they were to repent when I'm done preaching to them! An entire nation of 120,000 people turned around in repentance when they heard Jonah's, probably half-hearted, preaching!!
Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, "God! I knew it - when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That's why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness! "So, God, if you won't kill them, kill me! I'm better off dead!"
(Jonah 4:1-3, MSG)
How did Jonah acquire such a deep sense of God's mercy and grace? He was certain of it enough to run away from the assignment and risked incurring God's wrath. Do I share about God's love and compassion with that sort of conviction? Am I as certain of God's mercy when I lay my hands to pray for someone to be healed, especially if I think the person does not deserve God's healing?! Am I half-hearted in my prayers because of my warped idea of God's grace, as if it is something to be earned by my good conduct?
Father, open the eyes of my heart to truly know Your rich love, abundant grace & mercy and Your great compassion. May it be so ingrained in my system that I can't help but let it seep out in every area of my life! Amen.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Cool Cars
I learned another trick... to put more than 1 photo on a single blog!! Love this.
BMW X5
Volvo XC90
Porsche Cayenne
BMW X5
Volvo XC90
Porsche Cayenne
Seek and you shall find
I love cars. Beautiful cars. Cars which I consider beautiful anyways. Have you ever noticed how certain model of cars seem to 'appear' everywhere just because you've taken a fancy for them? I have. My current top 10 list includes the BMW X5 and Volvo XC90 - they seem to cross my path almost daily and these are not exactly the common models for those brands of car. I am learning that our mind is very powerful indeed. It will spot things that are familiar to us and especially things we are looking out for, albeit unconsciously. I noticed this in church when I seem to keep 'bumping' into people once I've been introduced to them, while I never knew they existed before even though we've been attending the same church for years! That's why I believe we ALWAYS find what we 'look out' for.
That got me thinking. Is that why I tend to find certain traits in people, when others may not even notice, be it positive or negative? Is it then any surprise that I should find what I'm looking for?! Traits that I find irritating have an amazing way of standing out, like a tour guide waving a red flag - can spot it from a distance! More often than not, the negative traits are much more obvious than the positive ones. It is a very sad state. It is even sadder because I know this critical and judgmental attitude really stems from pride and in God's opinion, pride stinks.
The best gift I can offer to another fellow human being (even more so for a fellow Christian) is Grace. These are some ways I can think of to extend Grace:
- look out for positive traits in each person.
- give them the benefit of the doubt when they seem to portray a negative trait.
- do not jump to conclusion that it is a character flaw unless they consistently prove themselves to be so, over and over again, until it is beyond a shadow of doubt. Unless and until then, their innocence shall be assumed!
- Even if they have met the standard of proof, constantly remind myself, that all things are possible with God.
So help me God! I need Your grace more than ever before.
That got me thinking. Is that why I tend to find certain traits in people, when others may not even notice, be it positive or negative? Is it then any surprise that I should find what I'm looking for?! Traits that I find irritating have an amazing way of standing out, like a tour guide waving a red flag - can spot it from a distance! More often than not, the negative traits are much more obvious than the positive ones. It is a very sad state. It is even sadder because I know this critical and judgmental attitude really stems from pride and in God's opinion, pride stinks.
The best gift I can offer to another fellow human being (even more so for a fellow Christian) is Grace. These are some ways I can think of to extend Grace:
- look out for positive traits in each person.
- give them the benefit of the doubt when they seem to portray a negative trait.
- do not jump to conclusion that it is a character flaw unless they consistently prove themselves to be so, over and over again, until it is beyond a shadow of doubt. Unless and until then, their innocence shall be assumed!
- Even if they have met the standard of proof, constantly remind myself, that all things are possible with God.
So help me God! I need Your grace more than ever before.
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